I just want to see if I’m the asshole.
story for context. I have a 5 year old and 3 year old and my sister in law has a 2 year old. Ever since my SIL had her daughter it’s been CONSTANT comparison to my children especially my three year old. From development, to weight and size etc it’s just never ending. It’s always gotten to me a lot. Size being the biggest one. My SIL loves the fact that her daughter is “huge” (her words) and she is genuinely off the scale with the centile charts. I personally don’t rise to it and am happy with my 3 year olds development and size. My SIL is also very very harsh to my 5 year old. Doesn’t listen to him, tells him to shut up if he interrupts her etc. my 5 yo really does not like my SIL and I can’t blame him. It upsets me so so much. She cannot be told she is in the wrong for this and she refuses to change and thinks my children behave horrifically (I can promise you they are typical 5 and 3 year olds). She still insists on coming round so the kids can have “cousin time”. Never invites us to her house as my children are apparently too naughty and will trash her house.
I feel this has massively impacted my relationship with my niece. When she was born I was so excited to have a niece and to look after her and bond with her but ever since she came along the horrible comparisons started and my SIL started to be really horrid to my kids. My niece is a typical 2 year old, acts out of turn etc but my SIL still thinks the sun shines out of her arse! I just really don’t want to be around either of them and I know I should be trying to keep my SIL and niece separate but I’m finding it really hard. I just am not fussed for being around her at all and I know this is because of how my SIL is. Does anyone have any advice on how to handle this situation? Am I being a dickhead for not having/really wanting a connection with my niece. We have tried to speak to my SIL but nothing has really changed. Her daughter is still gods greatest gift and my children are awful in her eyes. It’s so upsetting because I want to connect and like my niece I just struggle to.