As a widow, what title do you use?

[Fast5]

For 30 years I was Mrs DHname and for the five years since DH died I've still been Mrs DHname.

Now I have a new partner it feels odd to be Mrs DHname staying with Mr Newman.

But, I'm surely too old to be Miss and whilst I know Ms is the answer, I don't actually know anyone IRL who uses it. It feels awkward to my ears. Also, I'm not going to revert to my maiden name l, so Miss etc wouldn't be right anyway?

I tick the Ms box (or sometimes Mx if there is one) as I kept my name when we got married, but it's pretty academic, people so rarely address you by your title any more. I would rather not have a title at all, I don't understand why so many web forms/systems make it mandatory.

It wouldn't sit well with you that your mother wants to change her own name? What gives you the right to object?

OP was asking about what title you use - Miss, Ms or Mrs - and particularly wants to hear from fellow widows.

So many responses are talking about surnames after divorce which is totally not relevant here!

Until the 70s (I remember when DGF died and our thank-you letters had to be addressed differently to DGM)
a married couple was “Mr and Mrs John Brown”
and a widow was “Mrs Mary Brown”.

For myself in the OP’s situation, as an official title on forms etc, I’d go with “Ms Mary Brown” which give no indication of marital status.

She's my mother and she asked my opinion. I was concerned that she was trying to erase my fathers memory, which i don't think is healthy for grief. She only has one picture of him in her house and refused to speak to his family. My house is full of pictures if my Dad, that was my coping mechanism. I can understand removing your previous partner's name if you are divorced and there is animosity but if I was a widow i would want to keep my husbands name.

You can be Mrs DHName if you choose, it's how you are comfortable that is important. You don't need anyone else's approval to choose what you are known-as. Like @RS1987 I stopped using Miss at the age of 12 or so when it seemed just so sexist that women's titles are ranked in respect according to whether or not she declares her status as married, but men don't, and was Ms for the next 15 years. Jokingly I have often asserted that my main reason for getting a PhD was so that I didn't have to answer "is it Miss Mrs or Ms?" which I always found an irritating question and I saw using Ms as an abbreviation of "why on earth do you need to know whether or not I am married in order to do my sodding Drycleaning!?" As doing a PhD is quite a drastic solution (and wasn't actually something I did just to solve this problem) I agree with @RS1987 that Ms stops feeling clunky after a few weeks of using it if that is what feels right for you.

I also think you are unlikely to be correct that you don't know anyone who uses Ms, you almost certainly do but most people these days don't actually use titles at all in daily life so the people you know who prefer Ms probably just don't trumpet about it as most people including you only actually address them by their first name so the only people who really need to know their preferences are the drycleaners and other service providers who they aren't on first name terms with. I certainly don't say anything to my older relatives who send me Christmas and Birthday cards addressed to Mrs because it would feel rude and stray letters an envelope don't actually do me any harm - so I expect there are some people in your life who similarly haven't updated you with their preferences.

I was a travel agent and I'd say it's pretty normal for bookings to say Mrs Smith and Mr Jones. People get divorced and widowed and keep their married name. Just style it out!

@Fast5

My mum continued to use 'Mrs John Smith' after she was widowed. A friend of hers went to 'Mrs Mary Jones' (married last name) after she was widowed. To each their own.

You use what feels right for you regardless of what anyone else thinks.

It's totally up to you what title you use.

I was Ms from the age of 13 and have been married 8 years and am still Ms (and didn't change my surname). I got my PhD nearly 20 years ago and sometimes use Dr - but never use Miss or Mrs as I don't see why a woman's marital status is anyone elses business - especially considering men have "Mr" and that's it.

So - I'd say use whatever you want - whatever you feel most comfortable with. However I know a lot of women who use Ms - some are married, some are single and one is widowed.

For me it’s about not having to use a title which automatically tells people whether I’m married or not. I’ve nothing against people using Miss or Mrs at all, it’s very personal. It comes from a time when men were allowed to be men but it was important to know whether a woman was owned by her father or her husband.

OP, you should do what’s comfortable for you. And don’t forget, there are plenty of women who keep their family name when they marry, but use Mrs, so not unusual at all to see that.

Same. Since I learned the term Ms in childhood I have used it as my title.

Every widow I know uses Mrs, and they still use their husband's surname. (Now their surname of course!)

Why would they not? They were married! Reverting back to your maiden name when your husband dies is a bit odd IMO.

Same as some women I know still used the husband's surname when they're divorced, especially if they have children, and many still carry on using it when the children are adults. Really pisses off the new wife though! 😆 What she doesn't understand is that when a woman gets married and takes her husband's surname, it's HER name then. Not just his!

I really dislike the word/title 'Ms.' It looks weird and it sounds weird.

JMO, don't come at me!

I think this is simply a case of you massively over thinking things.
There's absolutely no reason to change your title just because you're in a relationship.

I've been Ms since I was 14 regardless of my marital status, which is of course, the point.

Ms is common amongst my friends. But then most of us have kept our surnames regardless of marital status.

Many of Dc's secondary school teachers were Ms and that was never anything other than completely normal to them.

Do what suits you best OP.

Your name is YOUR name and doesn't need to align you to your new partner. Title? Who cares!

Go by whatever you feel most comfortable as. It’s 2026, anybody who judges you for because of a title can F off back to 1950 with their outdated opinions. I’m married and still go by Miss because I prefer it personally for me. Whatever you like the best is the right thing for you.

Don't change it if you want, but "I don't actually know anyone IRL who uses it" is an odd reason to not use 'Ms.' How many people's preferred titles do you actually know, anyway? I wouldn't have a clue what titles even my best friends or siblings use unless we've happened to have a conversation about it.

I wouldn't even trust, for example, seeing a title on letters because half the time the company sending them are using titles people specified years ago or defaulted to a random one if someone hasn't told them.