As a widow, what title do you use?

[Fast5]

For 30 years I was Mrs DHname and for the five years since DH died I've still been Mrs DHname.

Now I have a new partner it feels odd to be Mrs DHname staying with Mr Newman.

But, I'm surely too old to be Miss and whilst I know Ms is the answer, I don't actually know anyone IRL who uses it. It feels awkward to my ears. Also, I'm not going to revert to my maiden name l, so Miss etc wouldn't be right anyway?

for full disclosure I’m not a widow, I am married. I was a miss until I was about 12 and since then I’ve been Ms. I’m still Ms. There are lots of people in real life who use it and it doesn’t feel clunky when you’re used to it. In fact I always assume Ms as the title for adult women unless they specify otherwise. Stay Mrs as long as you want to of course, but this is the problem with attaching your name to your martial status I think, it makes it tricky when that changes, especially when it changes as tragically as yours did. I would just go for Ms and stay that way personally.

Just use Ms. It is very common and the only real equivalent to Mr, as it does not depend on marital status. It is nobody’s business whether you are married or not, other than your own’s and your partner.
Personally, I was a Miss until about 25, then moved to Ms Mysurname and did not change when I got married. Letters addressed to Mrs Husbandsurname get binned.

I have never been married and am over 50. No way I am going to call myself Miss so I use Ms when required. I think of it as the least worst option available to me. I don’t mind Ms itself but it isn’t used enough so people infer things when they see it used (Or maybe that’s just my impression).

Really there should be a campaign for all women to declare themselves Ms from cradle to grave just like men are always Mr.

Whenever I address any letter or card to any female, unless I know they specifically go by Mrs, I always, write Ms

Yes, I think that's how it feels about Ms.

I still use my married name. I think Ms is getting more common now and I wouldn't think twice about someone using it or using it myself in your situation

What do people infer when they see “Ms”?

My Dad has been dead for 15 years, my Mum has been with a new person for 12 of those. They co-own a business and a house, she still goes by Mrs and uses my Dad's surname, personally it would not sit well with me if she changed it for any other reason than remarrying. She did briefly consider going back to her maiden name but after asking both me and my brother how we would feel about that she didnt.

I'm a long time widow. I always use Mrs as my title but I have never had another relationship since my DH died.

I use the address Ms to other women when I have no knowledge of their relationship status or personal preferences for. But I get quite upset when people address me as Ms, as they often do, even when I have expressly indicated , as I always do, that my title is Mrs. I take it as a slight on my DH - as though they are denying he existed.

I'm particularly sensitive on this subject because I hate my given name and have always asked people to use a diminutive of it. But so often people have ignored my wishes and used the form of my name I hate. So refusing to call me Mrs is an extension of this to me. And I feel often unheard and diminished as a person.

I was widowed 12 years ago aged 30 and always use Ms

I don't think it's remotely odd to remain Mrs deceased husband's name. You didn't divorce. My mum is still Mrs dad's name. To revert back I think she would've found both unnecessary and disrespectful to his memory. As they were happily married for 30 years.

But she is from an era where it was uncommon not to take your husband's last name in the first place.

Of course if you feel comfortable going back to using birth name that's also fine.

My auntie finally changed her name back after being divorced from her husband for 27 years when he died. Not sure what triggered it as she seemed not to like him at all, but there's is no right or wrong way really.

No I don't want to go back to my birth name, it's my name now and the one o share with my DC.

I find it difficult sometimes to e.g. book into a hotel as Mrs, with a man I'm clearly not married to.

I have gone by Ms and my birth name since I was married and I would continue to so if I was widowed.

I use Ms, as does every professional woman I know (well except the doctors who can use Dr! - but everyone in law, finance, etc). Mrs would make me feel like I’d stepped out of the 1950s and Miss is infantilising once you’ve finished school. I guess what you are comfortable with depends what is normal in the circles you move in.

Start using Ms. You’ll get used to it very quickly and no one will blink.

I do not use a title, my bank accounts, driving licence, passport etc all simply have my first name and surname. (Admittedly this is sometimes difficult to achieve, computer systems can be ridiculously difficult to override).

If DH dies before me nothing needs to change.

For years, decades, I refused to use any title at all, would reply 'i don't have a title ' if asked and the person asking could deal with that. It got tricky with on line forms where you couldn't proceed without adding a title, so added whatever I felt like at the time, princess, colonel etc.

I’m a widow and I’m Mrs DH. It’s never going to change.

Unless you take his surname, Mrs or Ms will make no difference to this?

Although you could actually be married and have retained your own surname.

Plus no one at the hotel will give it a second thought.

And lots of people I know use Ms.

So I think any option is fine, what matters is how feel about what's going on in your real life.

That's perfectly fair enough. But in what way does a hotel make it difficult for you to book with someone having a different surname?

Women have to pick a label for themselves (men can just be Mr) and what you choose can be interpreted by the person you are telling based on their values and views. It most likely infers:

Miss = never married (I’m over 50 and happily not married so I don’t want anyone thinking I am sad about never having married. A Mr in my position doesn’t reveal anything about themselves)

Mrs = currently married (but actually like the OP you could be widowed. A Mr doesn’t give any detail about his marital status)

Ms = possibly divorced, possibly a feminist, possibly simply modern. I have no idea what proportion of women use Ms these days but in my head it isn’t widely used and seems to have a ‘non standard’ connotation to it. Maybe it’s more widely used than I think.

But why do we have to select a label when men are simply Mr?

i am going to take a leaf out of the book of a previous poster and start smilingly telling the person asking that I don’t have a title.

To be honest, hotel staff won’t care.

if they thought about it they’d probably assume you are married to him, but didn’t change your name.

The likelihood is though that they won’t even think abou it.

I still have my ex's surname because I couldn't be bothered to go through all the faff of changing passport etc. I'm now remarried. I don't call myself Mrs or Ms, I just use first name and surname on correspondence. I don't see there's any reason to use any honorific.

I use Ms, I’m single and have never been married

For context I’m not a widow but I’ve always used Ms before and while married.

When I divorced and my kids were still in education I kept the same name as them and then once they had left reverted back to my maiden ( don't like that old fashioned description ) name .
Met a new partner stayed with them for 10+ years and kept it still . Then married him and contemplated to stay with that but finally decided to take his name .
On reflection , I think I would have preferred a completely new maiden ( that word again ) and would have gone for my mother's maiden name instead .
My friend went for a completely new name with no family ties .