Life will change in September. WWYD?

[AuADHD]

My son starts secondary school in September so the 3 hours it takes to walk him to and from school will be “free time” for me. I’m my mum’s carer and I’m there 4-5 days a week between around 9.30/10am to 1pm during the week with one day at the weekend where we spend most of the afternoon together as family time but also doing jobs like gardening which ds enjoys helping with. When I'm not at my mum’s I’m often shopping, emailing, taking her to appointments or organising them and social things too.
Last summer I burnt out and it took me until the new year to feel relatively normal again.
I’m a single parent of 3 with my eldest being an adult with significant MH problems. She doesn’t live at home. My middle one is at college and struggling and the youngest is on the ADHD/ASD pathways.
I was pondering getting a part time job for a few hours a day that would fit around my mum or alternatively on my days off from my mum.
I claim UC and mum is a full time job in itself that was around 40 hours a week before I burnt out. She has carers now to do the bare minimum when I’m not there but I’m still there 4-5 days a week. Sometimes more. It takes half an hour to walk there so that’s an hour just on travel.

I’m wondering if I should try and get some paid work or if I should just continue “only” looking after mum. She’s 87 this year and part of me thinks I should make the most of it while she’s here but part of me feels like I should get a “proper job” as my ex likes to say. Nobody thinks I do any work at all. I enjoy being with my mum and things are balanced now with her care.

I’m about to start ADHD medication in the next couple of weeks all being well, and I’m hoping that I will feel the benefit in terms of getting my own home into order after years of procrastination and all the sorting out and tidying being in bags in the loft!

I would value, and feel I need some time to myself at home on that one weekday a week where I’m not at my mum’s, or for a couple of hours each morning/afternoon before going to/coming back from my mum’s. However, I feel I should be working, especially when I read threads on here about the attitudes to those of us who claim benefits.

If you were in my position, what would you do?

I love all the kind responses, you sound very caring, go gentle with yourself xx

I was unprioristised as a child while my mother visited her parents in separate hospitals for months on end. Just make sure you’re not doing the same to your children.

Personally I’d focus on your current situation for now. Your youngest might need extra support when moving up to high school (s1 is when my autistic daughter had the hardest year yet) and you have new meds to get used to. Spend the time sorting out a more sustainable plan for your mum and take it slowly. It doesn’t sound like you need to rush as you’re managing financially but if it is pressing then it seems obvious to me that you look to gardening and caring as your core skills.

The nice replies are making me a bit teary!

The dc have always been very close to my mum. She was there when they were all born and has been a constant in their lives. She’s with use for all special occasions and did come on holiday with us until her mobility deteriorated. Ds asks to go and see her at least weekly. Dd goes up on her own after college. They have grumbled a little on the odd occasion in almost 4 years of me looking after her.

I do like the idea of gardening and did look for local courses but there weren’t any. I don’t drive so that makes things tricky.

Somebody said about being part of a team and working with others and I was instantly horrified at the thought! Thank you for posting that because it’s highlighted where my head is at there. Whilst I would love to be part of a team, experience has taught me it doesn’t go well. There’s that radar that tells people I’m different and I’ve had a lot of workplace bullying because of it. I’ll need to be careful.

I am terrible for underestimating how long things will take. Whenever I plan days out I always forget to allow time for eating. It just doesn’t occur to me, and things always take much longer than I anticipate. My days off are never as productive as I hope they will be.

I do have an NHS pension but I’ve no idea what it will pay out when the time comes. I might make that my task for my day off this coming week. I only have about 15 years of mainly part-time contributions. My NI contributions have been protected whilst on UC as far as I know when I last checked. I think there are a couple of small gaps. I need to look at that.

I was in a similar situation years ago, and got a job, but couldn’t cope even with the 3 days a week and had a breakdown. I was working for a charity, so I asked if I could come back as a volunteer, one morning a week. Then I gradually increased the hours, until I was working the 3 days again. Then I left to start my own business.

@daffodilflowersIm sorry to hear you were so unwell. It’s sounds like you’ve found the right path for you now.
I know I’d struggle with full time. It was a killer when I was young and child free. Part time in a job I love would be the dream but that’s probably the case for most people!