My dad is dying and we don't get on

[lurchersforever]

I don't know what to do. I live 3 hours away and my mum has told me not to come tonight as she's worried about me driving and said there is no point. It has been sudden but I'm quite low contact - speak to my mum every week but she compartmentalises and is maybe co-dependent (he has addiction issues) and perhaps in denial. I did know he was in hospital but she just said things were being ruled out. I don't know. I'm going tomorrow but from what the doctor said he may have gone by then. Can anyone relate? I don't know what to feel.

OP, whatever you decide will be the right choice. There isn’t really a “correct” option in situations like this, only what feels right for you.

From your post it sounds like part of you wants to be there, and if that’s the case it’s okay to make the drive or get a train or taxi tonight if that feels manageable. But it’s also completely okay to go in the morning, especially if you’re exhausted or the journey would be difficult.

Be gentle with yourself - you’re doing the best you can at a difficult time.

If you took your mum's opinion out of the equation what would you do? If you'd drive tonight then do so (assuming you can drive there safely). This is your decision, and needs to be whatever you would feel most comfortable with. It's entirely possible that your mum is in denial and doesn't want to admit how bad things are.

Go tonight. Don't let there be any chance for you to have regrets.

The decision is totally yours. As someone else said above, take your mums opinion out of it and what would you like to do?

You may not want to go at all, and that’s fine. But if you do, that’s fine too.