Worst fear - trigger warning CSA

[W0rstfear]

Nc for this for obvious reasons.

I'm a parent to a small child. Been separated from my ex for a couple of years now and the relationship ended because I became aware that he had been using and distributing illegal images of children online to a network of people. He hasn't seen our child since.

When police initially got involved they said they'd been monitoring him for quite a while and they knew that these images had passed through his phone and he then admitted to me that he'd been doing this. I passed all information to police and social services and made a statement. Social services said the risks around him were really high but they closed very quickly because I wasn't allowing contact which they said was appropriate and managed the risk so they had no role.

In the time since he's tried to tell me that he signed away all parental rights with his solicitor (untrue) sent a birthday and Christmas gift once a year and paid maintenance but outside of that never once asked how our son was. He only asked once to see him at the very beginning a few years ago.

He's now told me that he's basically got off with it. That they couldn't find enough evidence on the tech they analysed to pursue a conviction. So basically even though they know and I know that he did it, he's got away with nothing and no further action will be taken.

He now wants contact with our child.

What can I do here. How likely is it that I can protect my child from him? It just makes me feel sick and so angry at how unjust it all is.

Got away with it. Not charged. Case closed.

Can you make sure you get copies of all the original police reports? Any other evidence.

Refuse to let him see the child.

Can you speak to the police to find out exactly what has happened?

Don’t engage until you have to go to court and speak to a solicitor. Don’t take his word for anything, he might have gotten a conviction without jail time suspended sentence etc.

Honestly, I’d move where he couldn’t find me.

I need his permission to move though as I'd have to take dc out of school when they start. Would need his permission to leave the country. Police will tell me nothing due to gdpr as we're seperated and even though I gave a statement I'm not a direct victim. Legally I could get in trouble for parental alienation. It's also the fact there's nothing to stop him going to work with vulnerable children within a couple of years. There's been no work done around rehabilitation and to me that also makes him an extremely high risk in terms of reoffending. At the time he was so sure there would be things on the phone for them to find so I'm so shocked that they didn't find enough to warrant a conviction. I knew it was a possibility obviously but I genuinely thought he was going to be convicted.

I have contacted my solicitor as well but trying not to spiral. Maybe they can get evidence from police as to where things are at.

I work so hard and do my absolute best for my ds so the idea of legally not being allowed to protect my own child from a predator is absolutely devastating. When it all came out he could only talk about the impact it would have on his life. Me and dc didn't factor. The entitlement to know he's done this and still demand contact is just staggering.

Do a Sarah's law (and Clare's law, why not) on him which will identify any convictions that he has failed to mention.

Contact social services to seek advice from them about what they think they should do.

Otherwise refuse contact and wait for him to go to court.

The real issue is that if he has pr there's nothing currently stopping him from picking up DC and keeping him from you which is why the first two on this list are really important. You need to find out if you have justifiable reasons to keep him away from your child or if you will be forced to give him contact. You can seek a non molestation order or similar if so.

In my mind I can't see how a court could suggest parental alienation under the circumstances. You reasonably believe that he has commit crimes against children.

Unfathomable situation. I'm so sorry :(

I don't think anything will show on a Sarah's law or Clares law because prior to this he worked with vulnerable children and was regularly dbs checked so he couldn't have done that if there were issues in his past.

Take your child and move where you want and let him try and come for you.... Do what you want, of you labour under he misguided notion that following the rules is going to help you, you are sadly mistaken... Keep your child away from h forever and let him walk into court and argue otherwise.

Yeah, I'd do this. I wouldn't trust the family courts to keep a child safe, tbh. Not with their track record. Do what you have to do to keep him away.

We've already moved a few hours away and I've just got myself established in a new life. He doesn't know exactly where we are in terms of where we live or where dc goes to nursery but he knows the rough area. And he could probably find the company I work for online if he tried hard enough but it's all over the country so wouldn't tie to a particular office. So the idea of moving again is just so unfair, and would be so unsettling for dc. There's nowhere else I could go where I have any form of support network.

You need some advice in this situation. Maybe women’s aid/social services. I would also advise the school asap.

OP, have you considered talking to https://www.lucyfaithfull.org.uk/

The NSPCC also have a helpline https://www.nspcc.org.uk/about-us/our-services/nspcc-helpline/?utm_old=helpline

Finally https://www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/

I definitely think you need legal advice and advice from social services. Have you got any texts or emails where he admits his guilt or was it just face to face conversation? I would let him take you to court and fight like holy hell to keep him away from your child. I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this and horrific to think that he may be able to work with vulnerable children in the future. I would be tempted to out him to prospective employers anonymously if you can keep tabs on where he's working.

Wow, I wonder what led him to want to work with vulnerable children. I hope they‘ve looked into that.

I work in the family court. You refuse contact and tell him to apply through the court. They will ask Cafcass to complete safeguarding checks which will be with police and children’s social care and they will do a telephone interview with you both and write a safeguarding report to court. Likely further assessment would be needed to make a proper risk assessment and advise the court on whether contact is safe. Hope that helps.

It's horrible to even think about. I trusted him so completely and he always had seemed like such a genuinely good guy. Police had to explain it to me about 5 times before I could even process the information it just seemed so nonsensical and not at all who I knew him to be which is so scary in itself. Its really affected my view on people in general, I can't trust anyone any more.

He's never admitted anything by text, only verbally to me and I wrote down exactly what was said and gave a copy of that to police and my solicitor.

Obviously all I really want ultimately is what's best for dc. I know having a dad is a big thing especially for young boys but I just can't see how even supervised contact would mitigate the risks well enough - what's to stop dc blurting out our new address or where he goes to nursery etc. I'd taught him so that if he ever got lost or in an emergency he could tell someone where he lived and who i am but now I'm thinking was that the wrong thing to even do. Because he is only little and sometimes he does parrot it all out to random people when he wants to start a conversation but isn't sure how to do that.