How can I feel less afraid walking alone?

[Twatterati]

I enjoy walking in rural places - along rivers, woodlands, fields etc - and usually do this with someone else or, in the past, with my dog.

However, I don’t have my dog anymore (she was very old) and haven’t always got someone to go with, but I don’t enjoy it on my own due to feeling scared.

It’s so ridiculous (but not totally irrational). I avoid doing what I love because of this and wondered if anyone had any ideas and advice to help me overcome the fear. I know statistically I’m very safe but the fear has now become ‘a thing….’

Could you join a walking group? Or perhaps go on borrowmydoggy.com and regularly take someone else’s dog with you? I walk my dog alone every day so I never watch true crime documentaries else I’d never leave the house!

Get another dog!
Alternatively you can carry legal versions of pepper sprays etc

I don’t have any answers but sympathise, I walk our dog on my own over the same route every day in summer at 6am. Then short days come and it is dark, so I have to walk later because although the usual route is not objectively less safe in the dark, I’m terrified of every twig snap or leaf rustle.

Occasionally I get the willies when walking somewhere in daylight and I suddenly feel the isolation/remoteness, but thankfully it doesn’t happen often.

Maybe some kind of CBT?

I think it's perfectly rational to be concerned. It's self-preservation and you shouldn't ignore when your instinct tells you a location isn't safe. Unfortunately, the nicer places to walk can be isolated. It's so dull trudging around a built up area in comparison. I haven't figured out the same issue myself.

I don't think OP needs therapy, it's very rational to be aware of the vulnerability we have as women, and it's important to be alert.
I joined a FB group for women's outdoor activities in my local area. I never walk alone at night or in forests- I find them unbearably creepy!

I think you need to feel the fear and do it anyway. The more you do it the easier/less scary it will get.

Go to a street self defence class. Get another dish and enjoy.

OP I can relate. I'm a runner and have this weird anxiety about running alone, especially early in the morning. I'm not consciously worried about my safety, it's more of a generalised anxiety/heightened awareness (almost shyness) about being alone. I'm not a generally anxious person and I'm quite confident, but I am rather introverted so I'm not sure if it's that, and I find it much harder if I'm going a long distance and so am much further from home. I'm sorry I don't have any advice, I jus wanted to empathise.

I have some ultra confident days and some where I feel more reticent.

On those days, it helps me to have one earbud in and listen to a podcast (one ear free for listening to my surroundings but I try not to purposely listen, if that makes sense?! Otherwise I'd obsess about listening out for something).

Or I ring a friend or family member to chat. That makes me feel less alone. I do have a dog and I think I'd get another in your circumstances, as you clearly walk, so it would enjoy being with you ❤️ Mine is small and unthreatening but (usually..) has my back as much as she can for a shrimp lol, barking etc if she senses I need protection.

I think confidence can grow when you get a few usual routes going and learn who else uses them, it's the case round here at least that I tend to walk past a lot of the same people at usual times and places.

My eldest carries a rape alarm, living in a city.

If you walk the same route every time, you may want to vary the time and route once in a while, just to avoid being too predictable in your walking habits.

There are many good suggestions on this post, personally I would never wear ear buds or headphones, I like to hear and be aware of my surroundings, not oblivious to them.

Take your phone but don't get distracted by chatting on it, take with you pepper spray, personal alarm or even a loud whistle, tell someone you trust where you're going and when, set up tracking with them.

I live in a very low crime area and am very happy walking alone on what are quite familiar routes. I think that familiarity helps. Also my dog walks are in different places to my on my own routes, I tend to see a few more people on those. In your shoes I’d pick places where you might see a few more walkers to build up confidence. Also walking group is good shout for summer and weekends. But won’t help if you are looking for a quick trot through your local woods. Keep your phone charged, and the chances of anything bad happening are vanishingly small.

I also have a well lit 5 k route for winter mornings/evenings.

Thanks so much for all the brilliant suggestions and also the solidarity - it’s terrible that we do feel vulnerable (but I don’t think this is specific to lone females and am not bashing men at all).

Self defence classes are a great idea as is Borrow my Doggy - I used this for my own dog and she had some brilliant borrowers, can’t believe I didn’t think of it! I’m not really in a place to get a dog but happy to walk other people’s.

I’ll also look into walking clubs and might even set something up locally if there’s nothing already. The social aspect puts me off a bit, I enjoy the silence and switching off, but maybe others will be like that and happy with that idea!

Thanks again - it’s really boosted me to post and get such good advice 😊 Feel the fear and do it anyway 💪🏼 A great mantra.

I feel this. I don’t even like to walk my dog alone when it’s dark.

Borrow My Doggy is a good shout as is The Cinnamon Trust. And only have one earphone in if you listen to music.

You’re not alone. I’m lucky as I walk a lot with my mum as she’s a keen hiker.
But it got to a stage where I don’t like walking alone, so for about the last 6 months I’ve been really pushing myself to get out alone. Even just out in my local area, going further and further. I do live in a nice part of a rough town, so I am aware of people. My dog is now very old and doesn’t walk anymore so walking alone does feel awkward ? If that makes sense.
I think the news and all the negative press doesn’t help matters. A van drove past me on a very quiet road and the thought occurred to me if they tried to kidnap me no one would know. I know it sounds silly but I think that’s the reality of the world we’re living. And I’m actually quite a resilient friendly open person.
Now my dog is getting old, I’m actively researching for a dog that’s going to be a bit of deterrent, so I can go walking in these rural spots alone. I know that might be silly to some but if it makes me feel safer it’s worth it.
So you’re not alone, send you a hug !
x

There is objective risk and subjective fear. Unfortunately the subjective fear ruins the pleasure of walking in rural places. You are completely safe with a walking group. Unfortunately some lone women have been attacked whilst walking dogs that the perpetrator didn’t see as a risk.

My Doberman would probably hide behind my legs and expect me to protect them from any threat but mere presence is a deterrent. I have had experiences though where the dog will spot a lone male and lie down to observe them until they approach and then quietly escort them past me and DC until they are safely past before returning to mooching as the family pet. I have to admit without the dog I would experience mild panic if I came across a man with no reason to be there and not dressed and booted for walking in the area. And it’s always a man. I’ve never met a woman without DC or a dog or suitably attired in a remote area.

@Twatterati If you do go for self defence classes, go for one which teaches street self defence. They are usually women only sessions and you can do two or three sessions and learn how to protect yourself/fight dirty, without obligation of joining for a term (which you can also do!) They teach situational awareness, de-escalation techniques, how to disable and disarm an attacker and leave you able to run. All in a few hours over two/three weeks.
I do have female friends who do karate, judo etc, but they haven’t yet learnt in a year, how to defend themselves in anything other than a fair, ring, judged contest to earn a belt. They are very fit! - so swings and roundabouts!

I agree with this. I feel safest in the countryside. There might be an occasional dog walker from the small hamlets or a group of ramblers, but generally I can go for miles without seeing anyone. No roads for cat-calling inane comments.

I feel twitchiest on the off-road cycle paths that link to the city centre, but it's a safety toss-up between drug dealers on E-bikes or running on pavements with frequent road crossings.

I use bone conductor headphones so I can still hear ambient noise.
I've been on well over 1000 runs with no issues, plus walks that I don't record.

@Twatterati You can set up a gps follow link for a trusted friend or family member on both Strava and WhatsApp free of charge. If you know someone is remotely able to check you are ok without actually ringing/texting you, it may make you feel safer.

You should consider varying your route or if you must walk that same route then vary the timings or days of the week.