I want to apply for a job but feel selfish wwyd?

[Sonolanona]

I've worked part time for a few years to be enable me to care for my grandchildren (one baby one now in school) I recently left my job and have been pondering trying to work for myself. however a job has just come up that would be ideal for me...and I'd like to apply.
BUT the hours would mean I couldn't be granny care any more... which would give my DD1 massive issues either finding or paying for care for the baby (elder one could use breakfast and after school club) .. they are struggling with a morgage and early parenthood pennilessness as it is.
I'm wondering if it's worth applying and if interviewed (I'd be suprised if I wasn't as I have the skillset and experience) asking about part time possibilities, or applying, talking to DD1 and seeing what happens. I love her and love the kids and don't want to upset anyone, but I also have a tiny pension that won't sustain me and it would be a chance to work a few more hours (I'm 59)
Plus DH is 65, and needs a massive shoulder op that will keep him off work with no pay for nearly 5 months and we could use some income then!
I'm so worried that DD1 will be massively stressed if I apply :(

It would be selfish of her to be upset at you for doing this.

It's a tricky situation for you all, but financially it makes the most sense and so you can't afford not to apply. I'd be honest with your DD about your financial worries.

You have to do what is right for you. Your DD chose to have children and whilst you are generous to help, childcare is her responsibility.

My mum did all my child care, night shifts and all. If at any point she couldn’t/wouldn’t then that would have been my issue. My child was always my responsibility and not my mums.

Your daughter can get childcare vouchers to help with any child care. You being able to pay into a pension and also pay your bills is not selfish,

Go for the job. You’ve got around another 8-10 years of working left.

I think you should go for the job. Give your dd plenty of notice and explain your reasons. Your dd will be able to get some funded childcare for the baby. Does she know that you need the money?

Is your DD paying you to do the childcare you do? Not a lot but a bit at least? If not then 100% go for the job!

Go for it. Your DD loves you and doesn't actually want you to live in poverty for your retirement, though of course it will be a little stressful while she gets alternate childcare sorted. Give her fair warning that you are applying and ask her to identify a childcare setting that will work for her baby and work out a plan which can be activated if you are successful.

You look after yourself and husband, your child is responsible for her own children. Not saying don’t help out, but her choice to have a family and not your responsibility to fund it.

Casting myself into your daughter's position I would be absolutely horrified if you passed up this opportunity on my account.

Family should pull together but in this case that means you taking the job you need to take, and your daughter figuring something else out. I wonder if it might make you feel a bit better if you sub her a small amount towards childcare, but she may well not accept.

Granny care only works as long as it works for granny. Those 4 preschool years are tough going financially for your daughter and SonIL but they are also temporary blip. I would encourage your daughter to take a long term view on her earnings. Keep her income up, pay what it costs for childcare now and watch everything click into place once the youngest's preschool funding comes in and rhey go off to school. It's ok. I know you love her and care about her but it would not be proportional for you to jeopardise your own security and future for her current, temporary, cash flow problem.

@Sonolanona you have already provided years of childcare for your grandchildren reducing your own income in the process. Your own financial circumstances are now challenged.
Any working parent needs a back up plan for their substantive childcare. Your DD needs to think about that regardless, it isn't reasonable to be wholly dependant on you.
Go for the job with a clear conscience and take it from there. Good luck!

Someone is selfish here and it isn't you OP!

I think she's already massively saved on childcare from what you've already done so it would be highly unreasonable for her to be annoyed about it. My mum did my childcare for a while but I made the decision to move to full time nursery because I could see it was getting to be too much and knew she'd never say that. It has to work for everyone which means you as well. Just be honest that you will need to go back to work to pay the bills while your dh is unwell and to increase your pension pot.

I can see it from both sides. I mean if you made a commitment to your daughter and are now letting her down I can understand her being upset. But I can also understand OP needing to go back to work if her circumstances have now changed. I'd apply for the job, you might get it you might not. Just see what happens. You could ask about job share or flexible hours so you could still help a bit with childcare.

Unless you need the money family comes first.

Childcare vouchers stopped being available to new applicants YEARS ago. It’s tax free childcare now.

You should apply for the job.

I agree that if this was my Mum, I would want her to apply for the job. The saying is that 'you need to put your own oxygen mask on first', before helping others, and right now this means securing your own financial future.

It's the same sort of idea though and it is a good point. Plus there are more free childcare hours now and they can kick in earlier, and potentially Universal Credit childcare top ups too. If @Sonolanona has always provided all their childcare they may not have a good handle on how much help is available on e they start paying for childcare.

I always saw the childcare my parents provided when DS was a bit younger as a favour. When they started to have health problems and they weren’t as flexible or able as they were I made the decision to put DS in extra childcare - circumstances had changed. It’s the same logic here, your circumstances have changed and your DD should be grateful for everything you’ve done until now. She needs to take complete responsibility for childcare and you should apply and let her know asap so she has time to make alternative arrangements.

It’s admirable you want to be a support, but you’re trying to feed someone else while you’re hungry. You need the income and it’s a good opportunity. At the end of the day you need to meet your own needs first, and have done more than enough.

Why did you leave your last job when you needed an income and it seemed to suit your lifestyle?

It’s difficult. Did you sort of make a commitment to your daughter to provide this childcare, and she then made the decision to have a second because she didn’t need to consider childcare costs? It’s always ok to change your mind, especially if your circumstances change but it will be difficult if she made decisions after speaking with you to see what you could offer. So, just be prepared for a bit of upset from her. However, it would be silly not to go for the job. You need an income and a chance to get some more savings for retirement.

It sounds like it was a mistake for you to go part time to provide childcare in the first place, which makes me think she may be pressured you a little? At the end of the day, you need to plan for your own financial security and it sounds like you need the job. Just be prepared for your daughter to react badly and be ready to explain your situation and if she doesn't understand it at that point, then she is the problem.

Trusttheawesomeness
I left my job because it had become a miserable place to work (in Education)..I did 20 years and watched the job I enjoyed become something a pale shadow of itself. It wasn't well paid but it was enjoyable. I went part time because I wanted to help (and still do) and I've helped willingly for over four years.
Leaving, we had the financial space for me to take up to 6 months to figure out a plan B, however that security depended on DH who has literally just knackered his shoulder very severely on top of an old injury and he has a very physical job!
I have chatted to DD1 today, who told me to go for it... it's theoretical anyway at the moment, but one of her friends in currently registering as a childminder and would be a doable prospect if needed (and I could pay for that).... so I feel slightly less guilty and have just submitted my application.
I'd miss seeing the children every day if it came up, but I could make up for that at weekends :)

I was in a similar situation a year or so ago. Both of my children were in a panic when I decided to go back to work, but they both were able to figure it out and now all is well.