Calling parents - what does your child actually do when they're bored?

[CuriousDesigner123]

I'm a design student at the Royal College of Art working on a project about how children's everyday lives are changing. I'd love to hear from parents if anyone has a moment.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately, partly because of my research but honestly also just because I'd like to have children of my own one day and I find myself genuinely trying to understand what childhood looks like right now.

A friend of mine has a son who's 8. She described how he used to ask why about everything, why does the sky change colour, why do dogs do that, why why why. Now when something puzzles him he just opens ChatGPT, gets an answer and moves on. She said she misses the wondering. What made it more complicated is that when she tries to limit his screen time he notices other kids have more freedom than he does and starts to feel left out. So there's no easy answer either way.

I was also at someone's house recently and their 10 year old was just sitting quietly, not on anything, just thinking or daydreaming. And I realised I couldn't remember the last time I'd seen a child do that.

I'm not here with an agenda or trying to make anyone feel judged. I'm just genuinely curious what afternoons actually look like in your house, what your kids do when they're bored, how they find things out, what worries you, what surprises you about them. The real version, not the ideal one.

Thank you so much if you reply, it genuinely means a lot.

Give my boy a box, some scissors and a roll of sellotape and he is happy for hours.

This is so lovely to read, honestly. That image of a child just lost in a box and some tape is exactly what I've been thinking about. Can I ask how old he is? I'm trying to understand whether this kind of open ended making and tinkering is still happening at certain ages more than others. Of course no pressure to reply at all!

I have a lot of children, so there’s always someone to play with. If they are bored I send them outside, I find they’re rarely bored outside and will always find a game to play. They’re still only young though and I worry that it will change as they get older and they have friends with iPads and phones, I know that I find myself more bored now that I have a phone than I ever was before.

He is 8, but he acts a lot younger. The very active crafting thing is quite new. I think it’s taken him a while to become dexterous and strong enough to be able to cut into a big box and shape it in the way he wants. But now he likes making armour, weapons, cars etc

Send them outside for sure.

my fail safe indoors for the little ones still and indeed for them all, is paint, potatoes and a bucket of soapy water. Paint them, stamp the floor, wash them. I clean the kitchen and make the tea. Then mop the floor last and job is done.

4 year old loves to pretend play, shops, schools, babies, vets, drs. Her 18 month old sister joins in! Loves drawing and arts and crafts, making a den with the sofa cushions, trampoline/mud kitchen in the garden, magnatiles, dollhouse. All usually while singing to herself. 18 month old loves looking at books and reorganising my spices cupboard

One of mine loves play doh and will sit for hours making different things, another likes to play dinosaurs with a dinosaur you tube video playing in the background. They both love drawing too. They would sit on screens forever if allowed so I have to police iPads a lot.

My two are completely different.

One will come up with projects. Crafts or art or baking or reorganising her room (teen now). Downsides are lots of mess and if she has to stop as we have something else to get to she gets annoyed. But she’s good at self entertainment. She also reads a lot.

The other one will bounce around the house doing something (usually physical) for 2 minutes and then getting bored. In between she will be asking what to do, asking to have a friend over, asking to go on a screen. With a friend she can play for hours but on her own she’s at a loss.

9 year old only child loves to draw and build with our random Lego collection. He does like Minecraft or using videos to help with his drawing but screen time is fairly limited and he understands why. He is very good at making stop motion animations with Lego and sometimes will just crash on the sofa with a book. If he needs to be physical he likes to dance or kick a tennis ball around the house (though more recently has been using the broom to create his own version of curling which also means the floor is getting a sweep!) If he's ever doing a quiet activity, he has an audiobook playing. Sometimes he needs suggestions of things to entertain him but he usually finds something to do.

My 8yo will pick up a book and read, I often find him curled in a corner with a book. My 6yo DD will usually be doing something with pens, paper, scissors and sticky tape, or play with toys. This week her Polly Pockets have been having a beach party apparently, along with some lego minifigs.

Both will build stuff with lego and they can turn a couple of old cardboard boxes into a whole fantasy land if I let them. They dont have access to a tablet or a laptop, only a nintendo ds and they only get to play on that with my permission. Its not the 'go to' boredom solution, its a reward/treat.

I know the time is coming for ds especially where he will need the access to tech to keep up with his peers, but I really love the way they play at the moment, and I want that to last for as long as possible.

We also have a tonne of books, which is the first thing I go for when the why questions start. I want them to feel like looking in a book for an answer is the normal thing to do.

Mine is happy with stickers, a cardboard box, pens and sellotape. Or Lego. He will happily play for hours on end. He's 5.

My daughter... given the choice she would eat snacks and sit on my knee with books or tv. She's 3. For obvious reasons I have to limit this!

I can happily tell you my children have never ever said I am bored. They are teens now. They self motivate. We crafted, baked, played outside. Their childhood was magical. Anyone who gives an 8 year old access to chatgbt has a problems, IMO.

I limit screens to.an inch of my teens lives to encourage them to do other stuff. They read loads - get books out from local or school libraries, my daughter loves crafting and crochet. And both play a lot of sport. My son also loves mountain biking with his friends in our local woods- building ramps and jumps etc.
They are also both learning to cook.
So I guess they rarely sit around day dreaming but to relax - any of the above or TV in the evenings with me!

When my sons were younger they used to read, build Lego, go for walks, and drawing. Now older (young adults). Still love reading and building Lego. They spend a lot of time together playing Minecraft. Which I actually love to see as they are doing something together. They really connect with each other x

Until recently DD (now 12) spent a lot of time on art or craft projects. She still does occasionally, for example she has been working on a costume for world book day for weeks. That might be 1 hour a day. I'm thinking back to when she was 10. She played with the dog. She might go out on roller blades or jump on the trampoline, or do a dance routine, maybe an hour altogether. Some days she would bake or read for an hour. Then maybe an hour of TV while I'm getting dinner etc. We would watch something together after. Most days she has an activity at some point. Screen time definitely increased bit by bit, she used to occasionally watch YouTube channels but now it's chatting with friends or Roblox.

Ds2 at 10 spent ages with Alexa, listening to music, doing quizzes etc. He likes to rap so would play sections of a song over. He might play chords on his keyboard to stay in key, he has a good ear but won't learn as such. He animates using an app and writes screen plays for a Web series with his friends. He wrote a lot of short stories, once a 'book'. He also made comic strips and experimented with manga and different styles for a while before using the apps. He plays with his Switch a bit and watches a bit of rubbish on YouTube.

At 10 DS1 was never home. He was outside kicking a ball, throwing hoops or throwing against a wall. He rarely didn't have a ball. He would play with lads on the green til dark then get high viz gear and go back out. We watched a few tv series together so that would happen after dinner. He also had training or activities most days.

My DM used to give my kids a brush and a bucket of soapy water and tell them the slabs on her garden path needed cleaning. She would chat to them while they spent ages doing it! That’s the key, they will do any old shit if an engaged adult is sitting with them ‘playing’ alongside.

My dds are 11 and almost 13, during the darker months they do spend quite a bit of time on video chats with their friends while they play Roblox or Minecraft together.
The youngest does get bored of screens quite quickly and will make up dance routines to show me or play netball or write songs (she's hugely inspired by Taylor Swift).

The eldest would be on screens all the time if I let her, either gaming or watching box sets. She's been learning to play her sisters guitar and wants her own for her birthday on Friday, she also loves to draw.

At weekends and during school holidays they often have friends here or go to their houses and also spend a lot of time at the local park with a bunch of friends.

It depends on the child...

My 9 year old would be straight onto his PlayStation if I let him (which I try not to too often) but if I don't he will either go and call on his friends or play with his toy soldiers, sometimes he might draw. He is actually my stepson but lives here full time now and when he first moved in full time he struggled to entertain himself as he was used to just playing on his computer all day (and I mean all day, he didnt even go to school hence moving in with us). He has gotten much better but out of all our kids he is the one most likely to ask what he should do or complain about being bored.

My 4 year old doesnt ever seem bored, she entertains herself whether there's anyone there to play with her or not. She will dress up, make up games with dolls or toys, draw. She loves books too so will entertain herself with them sometimes.

If my 2 year old gets bored she will usually find a large tub of E45 cream that no one had any idea was even in the house and coat herself and half of the furniture with it before emptying out every packet of cereal, porridge or flour she can find onto the floor to make 'snow angels'.

Forgot to answer your whole question.
When they want to find something out they usually ask me but if i don't know the answer they'll ask Alexa or Google it.

Regarding what worries me, I don't relax when they're at the park, it's been quite tough to give them freedom but when I think of my childhood I remember the hours I spent outside with my brother and friends playing in the street or at the park. We live in a pretty safe area, they're sensible kids, the park is only at the top of the street and there's always a group of them but I don't relax until they're home.
I also worry about the rise in misogyny and hope they will find partners who respect them and treat them well.

What surprised me was how much I could love another human being.

My three year old plays with everything and anything he can find but when he’s bored if he can’t get attention from me this can become mischievious /destrutive eg bashing things, peeling up the floor lining, climbing to unsafe places (or attempting) finding my make up ir a pen to draw on things etc

Your comments about your two year old made me smile. Every now and then I find myself thinking wistfully about how my kids were at that age, wouldn't it be nice to do it all again, and then I read something like that and it brings me right back down to earth 😂