I've really really screwed up and double booked myself.

[Binding]

I have tickets for an event with a friend. It's something we do a couple of times a year. This one is about two hours from home by train and involves a whole day out. We don't live close together, so meet in London and travel from there.

The tickets for the event have been bought, but not train tickets. It's a friend of 20+ years, we don't see each other that frequently now, but when we do it's like we've never been apart.

Before this outing was booked, another friendship group booked a shorthaul trip for another event. I hesitated initially, then the prices for the flights they'd booked increased, so I decided not to bother. Subsequently DP spotted that if we go from a different, equally local, airport, flights were £26 return! We snapped them up and booked a hotel (not so cheap, major city while big event is on) and I failed to check my diary.

I genuinely really wanted to do the first trip, but the same applies to the second one. I never normally let anyone down once I've committed to be somewhere, I was horrified when I realised what I'd done.

So....what do I do now?

Be honest, offer your ticket so friend can take someone else, and get on the plane!

Or lie and say your partner booked the abroad trip for your birthday / Valentines / Mother’s Day as a surprise.

If you never normally let someone down after you’ve committed, why is this time different? It’s your mistake, own it.

I think you should stick with the first one

Just by the way it's worded you obviously want people to tell you to let your friend down and go on the other trip.

Because the first one has cost £24 and the 2nd one £300.

I don't think you have any other option, under the circumstances, than to be completely honest with your friend. Own your mistake, admit you have accidently double booked, and the second trip is expensive and you cannot afford to lose the money that you would lose by cancelling.

Offer a sincere apology that you have messed up and if she is a good friend she will most likely understand and be okay with it.

Give her enough notice and she will most likely have time to find someone else to go with.

I have a friend who just admits it when she screws up and there's a clash. She doesn't do it often. I love her for being truthful because it gives me permission to be straightforward too when I get stuff wrong like this.

Yes, I'll be completely honest, it wouldn't occur to me not to be.

The question is whether to let down friend on the cheaper trip that was arranged first, or DP on the more expensive trip, that was also arranged in the full expectation that I was available.

And what, if anyhting I should do to compensate. E.g. I'd give friend my ticket to offer to someone else, but should I also pay for theirs? Or do I ask DP to find someone else to share the room with, or pay for my share of the room I won't use etc.

Could you just ask: how can I make this up to you?

You say you do the event with first friend a couple of times a year. Are there other dates the event is on, that you could do it with them instead? If so I wonder if you could apologise, reschedule that and cover the cost of the tickets.

If not I incline towards doing the first one, sorry.

We will do another similar event later in the year, but this exact one is a one off.

You should stick with your first commitment

I think you offer your ticket to your friend to take someone else. You also offer her £24 to cover her ticket if she can’t find anyone. And apologise profusely etc. And then go on the holiday.

It’s a genuine mistake. No friend would expect you to stick to a £24 option if it meant losing £300. If I was your friend I think thats a shame and then nothing more of it. Certainly wouldnt expect you to cover my costs either.

There’s no way I’d loose £300 to keep a friend happy over £24. Be honest with her, apologise and if she can’t accept that you made a genuine mistake then that’s her loss.

Would you friend on the trip have a good laugh at you and then find a weekend you could both do in a few months time?
If so, then better to cancel that and go on the activity that would be harder to rearrange cause more people and cost more so bigger lost.
If the trip with the friend would be really hard to rearrange, better to cancel on the other one, because that would be more rearrangeable, or the others could just do it without you. If you cancel the trip with the one friend she has all her company for the trip ruined and can't see you for a long time.

Mistakes happen. I can’t imagine any of my friends holding it against me if I explained I’d accidentally double booked and apologised.
Likewise, I’d not think twice if one of my friends needed to reschedule for the same reason.
If it happened all the time then I’d probably stop making an effort to meet up but you said this isn’t the case so just be honest with your friend. If you’re as close as you say then it shouldn’t be a problem.

I actually think the friend on the first trip will be very decent about it (as would DP), I'm not worried about out their response. I'm sure they'll be disappointed, but I don't think they'll be difficult. That's why I want to be as decent as possible too.

Stuck with the first arrangement of course and don’t mention about losing money, that money is spent now regardless.