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Original poster

Friend borrowing money all the time

31 replies

Mightmorphinpowerranger · 04/03/2026 14:27

Hi just looking for advice

I know this is my own fault as I've allowed it for so long but whenever I used the excuse my online banking isn't working she will ask me to ring up and do it over the phone or similar

For context, I have 3 DC, 2 of whom have additional needs and my partner is also disabled, I am the main earner

My friend has one DC and a single parent and home eds but every month without fail on my payday She will ask to borrow- she does always pay it back in fairness but no sooner has she been paid then she is skint again

I really want to say no but I feel so guilty thinking of her DC being without food

Can anyone offer any wise words ? Fully prepared to get flamed as I know I should have said no a lot sooner

OP posts:
Tablesandchairs23 · 04/03/2026 14:29

Just tell her this no longer sustainable for you. How she handles it is up to her.

ViciousCurrentBun · 04/03/2026 14:30

Say it’s not going to ever happen again. If she stops being your friend or is difficult you know it’s not a friendship worth keeping.

purplecorkheart · 04/03/2026 14:31

Has she paid you back the last set of money? When she does tell her that you outgoings have increased and you can no longer afford to lend her money as you will have another bill coming out of your account later in the month. She can use foodbanks etc if she cannot afford to feed her child

Raquelos · 04/03/2026 14:31

I'm not going to lecture you. You know why you have to do this.

You have to just say no, you can't afford to help this month (every time), don't get dragged into justifying it with details, just say you can't do it, times are hard for you too. Have a list of local food banks that you can give her as an alternative if that helps you feel less guilty.

Bjorkdidit · 04/03/2026 14:34

Offer to help her with her budget, checking benefit entitlement etc but you can't go on giving her money like this.

Obviously it doesn't apply to everyone but a lot of people who 'don't have money for food' seem to have plenty to pay for non essentials.

Noshowlomo · 04/03/2026 14:35

If it’s hard to be upfront (it is for some), say you and your partner have had a money chat, and literally on pay day, any pay you both get goes into a joint account. You’d feel uncomfortable asking your partner every month, could your friend borrow money.

DollopOfFun · 04/03/2026 14:35

I know that on Mumsnet 'no' is a complete sentence and all that... but personally, for me, when 'no' feels uncomfortable, I replace it with 'I'd better not'.

So if she asked for a lend, I'd find it easier to say 'I'd better not, I have a shedload of stuff to pay out myself for the foreseeable'.

Vaxtable · 04/03/2026 14:37

Sorry dotty I can’t it’s really tight this month. Can I help you set up a budget so you don’t have this issue moving forwards??

Criscross · 04/03/2026 14:54

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

MajorProcrastination · 04/03/2026 15:12

Oh my God, darling. You're right, this has to end. This doesn't sound financially (or emotionally) sustainable for you. How are you supposed to budget for your own family when this happens so regularly.

It's clear that she's struggling but she's taken a short term help too far. You're obviously an empathetic person and I understand why you feel conflicted as you don't want this to have an impact on her child but she needs help from elsewhere.

You can still be a good friend by explaining that you can't continue to help every month. It's great that she's paying you back but that suggests a cashflow problem rather than a complete lack of funds.

Offer to sit down with her to have a look through her finances if she's comfortable with that. It could be that some direct debits need to be shifted to other dates, maybe credit card debts need moving to a 0% card and paying off. Mind you, if she had a credit card she could be borrowing off that and paying that back monthly rather than doing the whole song and dance with you.

If that's not an option, point her in the direction of Step Change and Citizens Advice Bureau. Is she claiming all the benefits she might be entitled to? Maybe a meeting with the benefits assessing dept at your local council.

I'm trying to approach this with kindness but from your opening paragraph it also sounds like she's being very pushy about it and that's incredibly unfair on you.

WearyAuldWumman · 04/03/2026 15:16

I had a friend like this. It was never-ending. I eventually realised that she was borrowing from one friend to pay for another.

Shan't go into it all now, but she let me down one time - she'd promised help when I had a medical issue - and we lost contact. At that point she owed me 200.

Years later, she got in touch via FB and told me that she had my money for me. I could have done with getting it back, but I told her to keep it and didn't get back in contact. I had no intention of it starting all over again.

ETA @Mightmorphinpowerranger You might have to cut off your friend for your own peace of mind.

In the case of my friend, both she and her husband had decent jobs. They had three children and a grandchild. The friend was helping her daughter and GC, but also smoked like a chimney. I believe she's since given up the smoking.

SparklyGlitterballs · 04/03/2026 15:19

Raquelos · 04/03/2026 14:31

I'm not going to lecture you. You know why you have to do this.

You have to just say no, you can't afford to help this month (every time), don't get dragged into justifying it with details, just say you can't do it, times are hard for you too. Have a list of local food banks that you can give her as an alternative if that helps you feel less guilty.

This ⬆️

Bonkers1966 · 04/03/2026 15:21

You are enabling the behaviour which isn't good for you or her. I hope you can find the strength to draw the line OP.

MsGreying · 04/03/2026 15:28

"I was going to ask you that"

onelumporthree · 04/03/2026 15:45

"So sorry, our circumstances have changed and we can't afford to help you any more. xx"

I'm guessing that as soon as you stop being the Bank Of Mightmorphin you'll find that she's suddenly nowhere near as much of a friend any more.

FlowerFairyDaisy · 04/03/2026 15:51

I would say that I don't have it available anymore and offer to go to the food (and the clothes bank if you have one locally) with her.

kiwiane · 04/03/2026 15:57

Let her pay you back then give her the heads up that you don’t want to lend her money any more. She can plan better or find someone else.

Nicecatneighbour · 04/03/2026 16:01

Don't use the excuse of not being able to access your account. Tell her you can't lend her money because you need it yourself. To look after your own family. Which you do. Put it in a savings account, your hard earned money is to benefit your own family. She has built up reliance on you and it's unhealthy for everyone.

romdowa · 04/03/2026 16:01

Anytime anyone even hints at asking me for money , I put on the poor mouth myself . Telling them I havent a bean and this bill and that bill just came in and blah blah blah. Its the only way to get rid of them is to make them think you have less money than they have

damelza · 04/03/2026 16:02

I can't give you any more money Susan, but if you're really stuck I can give you some basics like bread and milk to tide you over.

Someone I know gave money to her friend who claimed she was in dire straits. Unfortunately the borrower went off to see her toyboy in Turkey with the money. Lesson learned. Yes help people out in an emergency but make it food or a contribution to a bill, via the banking app straight to the account. Or just don't start in the first place.

WallaceinAnderland · 04/03/2026 16:07

Honestly OP, do you really want to stop lending her money?

Overtheatlantic · 04/03/2026 16:13

No money, only bread, milk, and cereal. Or whatever the kids need for sandwiches. I’m shocked she’s not embarrassed.

DaisyChain505 · 04/03/2026 16:19

🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️ no is a full sentence.

Mulledjuice · 04/03/2026 16:20

Ask her for a loan because things are really tight for you at the moment.

Benjithedog · 04/03/2026 16:26

If you don’t want to verbally tell her no text her just before payday and say you can no longer afford to lend her money so please don’t ask.