I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years and I’m feeling completely worn down.
At the moment I’m the only one working and studying, and I’m basically carrying everything financially and practically. He isn’t working and recently spent his last payment on weed. I asked him to clean the house while I was at work all day — he hoovered and made the bed, that’s it. When I said he could do driving practice after finishing the rest, he refused, told me to “fuck off” and “shut up,” and it turned into 30 minutes of shouting.
This is the general pattern: I calmly raise something that’s affecting me, he gets defensive, I get upset and end up shouting because I feel unheard, then only once I’m at breaking point does he agree to sort it. He promises to change, does for a day or two, then goes back to old behaviour and asks why I’m “so miserable” or “always starting arguments.” The last thing I want is an argument.
He can be so loving and he’s my favourite person — we’re very close — which is why this is so hard. But he can also be sarcastic, nasty and dismissive (mocking me to “calm down and take deep breaths,” accusing me of messaging other people, etc.). I feel like I’m parenting a stroppy teenager sometimes.
Tonight he said he was going to Brighton to get weed despite having no money. I said if he goes, he stays at his dad’s. He chose to stay but then demanded a hug to make himself feel better. I didn’t want to.
I love him, but I’m exhausted. I don’t know if I want to keep doing this. Has anyone been in a relationship like this? Did it get better, or am I kidding myself?