How do you manage life with no parents or relatives in it

[Gymbunny4]

Never had my parents in my life ,never had them collect my kids from school ,or put up a shelf ,or be a listening ear ,or offer advice when life is shit .
Nothing,zilch
Dad never met his grandchildren,mum met them 4 times ...4,times in 28 years .
No support, definitely no financial help ..no one
I'm all alone in the world of family on my side to help.
No auntie no uncle
And so it has always been .
So if that is you ,and your doing great in life ,what is your secret...???
How do you manage when you need help and advice
Or is it not normal for a grown woman to need parents and family to discuss things in her life with .
I have a husband..but ...there's no support on offer there

To be fair,you would think I'd be used to it now
I left home at 18 and never went back .
I didn't cut them out ,they cut me out .
It's not actually THEM I'm missing...it's any caring supportive parents..anyone's really would of been welcome

I'm sorry for your situation.

I know they say "it takes a village" but become an island.

Due to a series of untimely deaths and other circumstances, my husband, myself and our daughters became a little unit of 4 against the world.

The girls are now teens and branching out on their own, with strong friendships and work/school relationships.

There have been hard times, I hate asking for help - but we've made it.

Life, despite the blows, has been good and we have thrived and are happy.

It's hard
I don't actually want anything from anyone
It's just needing a feeling that someone cares

It’s just me. Not even children small or grown up. A wide range of friends and a very patient therapist. Or a cat. I have turned into mad, old grey haired cat lady
.
yes i get it. It’s the having someone who cares for you, preferably unconditionally through good and bad. Ideally who you can discuss things, anything, at anytime of the day and who just gets you and those in jokes. If you have kids then it goes even further in the form of unconditional love, time and support for them too. Security of an ideal family.

Yeah absolutely.
Have children,but I'm supposed to be supporting them not the other way round ,so I don't involve them.
But yes it's hard ..I have a counsellor actually, currently,I'd forgotten about her when I posted ..it feels a long time untill Friday when I speak to her again

My parents were great until dementia took mum and then they both died 6 years ago. I miss having someone being proud of me, or to tell those little successes in life to. DH and I manage everything ourselves and we have a great life, but I wish there was some family member around to look at the photo of me I found and go 'oh, you look so much like Aunty there, do you remember...'.

You just get on with it really. My parents were pretty useless and I hardly ever saw them after leaving home, and I've almost always lived in different countries than my siblings, plus never met any of my other relatives. if you don't know any different it's fine I think. I do have a whatsapp group with my siblings so that's nice!

I'd totally love that too
Once upon a time ,I had cousins and aunties and uncles ..but my mum fell out with all of her side of the family when I was very little,so they vanished,and my dad fell out with me ,so his side of the family vanished
Some are still alive ,but I don't know where they live and I've not seen them in 45 years

I'm glad it's not effecting you ..it's lovely you have a what's app group with your siblings

Both my parents remarried and I was ditched for the new families. It was awful when I was young (many arguments over who “had to” have me) but as I got older I just….got on with it? I’ve built my own family and my own life and actually, they gave me a gift. They showed me with crystal clear clarity who I don’t want to be.
I didn’t want to be anything like either of them and I’m not, so, as far as I’m concerned, I’ve succeeded!

I do have relatives, but now the kids aren't little, they aren't really interested in what probably comes across as banal and day to day. I agree world affairs are so much more important than the day to day issues parenting teenagers, or how I spend my free time.

But now the kids aren't hitting daily milestones, the conversations only revolve around the relatives holidays and theatre trips. It makes for very superficial relationships and definitely no listening ear or someone to chat the small stuff through with.

I think you have to build up friendships. One of my best friends is a single lady with no children and no spouse or family. She has actively made friendship with people of all ages and really works at them. For example I would be 24 years younger than her but I would consider her one of my closest friend.

It is hard. When I set up my first home with my later DH it was just us two and actually I quite liked being able to make my own decisions and not have any one telling us we were doing it wrong. My husband was very supportive, calm and dependable though.

But when he died it was hard having no parents, siblings, or wider family on either side, and when I had transplant surgery last year it was hard not to have anyone to visit or waiting for news. Luckily I recovered well and didn’t need anyone any home afterwards, but coming home to an empty house was hard.

I have 0 family on my side that I'm in contact with. I left an abusive home at 18 and never looked back, was in contact with my siblings for a couple of years after but they turned to drugs and alcohol to deal with the trauma from our childhoods and so none of us have spoken in around 10 years now. It's been 20 since I left home.

what strikes me here is you mention your husband being of no support, mine is my absolute rock, I've built my own family and have 2 wonderful children and a husband who would support me in anything. He's the one I lean on he's the one who's seen me at my best and worst, we've been together for 15 years and he knows the story of my childhood.

We also got a childminder who became like an extended family member, she was worth her weight in gold when the children were smaller.

I put up my own shelves, have done all my own decorating. have a life of my own outside of being a wife and a mother but DH is there very evening to offload to (and him to me) and my MIL is a wonderful woman who will have the children for a few hours once a month so we can have dinner alone.

Easily. I don't need people simply because they're genetically related to me.
I'm happy to just have a husband and a small number of friends. They're enough. And if any of those people weren't around, for any reason (and, of course, it will happen one day), then I know I'll be OK on my own.
We all have to at least prepare to be on our own, simply for practical reasons.

I was fine, no estrangement but they lived hundreds of miles away and they were actually the ones that needed help towards the end of their lives.DH Mother is an intellectual, speaks multiple languages but has zero common sense. No help except my Mother did come and stay for 2 weeks when DS was born which was brilliant. Only help we ever had. MIL isn’t actually horrible but she is a drain. She very obviously has untreated anxiety and is incredibly rigid and ritualistic with a load of weird beliefs.