Lost a lifelong obsession and feel so lost and panicked

[LostPassion]

I have AuDHD and have had a lifelong obsession that I’ve basically built my life around. I won’t say what it is as it’s outing potentially plus this is more about the general issue than the specific thing.

The thing is I’ve now totally lost the obsession and what’s worse is it’s now an intense aversion and I’m struggling to function. I feel totally lost and panicked. Has anyone had this happen ? What am I meant to do and why has a 40 year obsession turned with no warning and for no reason into such a severe aversion??

Surely the obsession is the unhealthy part and this part could be the growth. What else has changed over the past few months? Any stressor? You are disregulated because the obsession has stopped. You need to make sure you sleep properly, eat properly, drink properly and get moving to get those dopamine hits. And not try to fill it with something equally obsessive. What exercise are you doing each day? What have you done today?

does this obsession impact your income at all? Social life?

It's not unhealthy for autistics to have obsessions or special interests.
OP, mine change fairly regularly so Ive never experienced what you are, but it sounds like a big loss in your life, and I'm sorry.

This is a loss to you so you’re bound to have difficult feelings in response. But over time you will very likely replace it with something else. All the best.

It feels terrifying. It was literally overnight as well and I can’t pinpoint anything that has caused this except I was quite unwell over Xmas with an infection and have been exhausted ever since but that’s not really related to the obsession / aversion more that I’m wondering have I got burnout ? I’ve never had it before so I don’t know but this is really really scary and strange.

It’s not even that I’ve just gone off it it’s become the total opposite of a strong obsession and is now an intense aversion. I can’t sleep properly as have nightmares even about it - something which i previously adored?? It’s just so confusing.

im trying to eat, drink, wash, go for a walk each day but I feel as if I’ve been plucked off earth and everything I know and dropped somewhere else and I don’t even know myself.

I can't really comment apart from to offer you my support and well wishes. Are you in a position to pay for counselling ?

I also have AuDHD and during a particularly bad burnout phase I became completely unable to do the one thing that I have escaped into nearly all my life. It was something that was such a crutch that I needed it every day, I enjoyed it, I could switch off my brain, it formed a huge part of my life.

I have still not been able to return to it nearly 18 months later. I have tried many times but something just stops me from being able to settle into it. It’s become a source of stress because I’m not able to do it.

I have tried to find other things to replace it but they are always more transient interests.

I’m sorry, I have no real advice except to try to take away the feeling of failure associated with not being able to do it. I feel for you.

Is it just that you need a lot of rest just now ? That you can’t do it because you are exhausted ? The obsession probably takes ennergy?

so eating as well as you can and getting outside - I think it wil come back when your body is able to cope ?

I’m not sure I will try to eat better / rest more / get fresh air daily but this just feels so strange. I can only assume it’s some kind of post illness burnout ? Maybe it will just take time , in a way I could have almost got through just losing interest but to have this intense aversion is painful.

If it was me I would say the aversion is my body’s way of stopping me doing my thing

I can almost feel you pacing the floor helpless - I may be projecting !

lousy movies on TV that you can fall sleep too?

I literally have been pacing ! I keep waking up through the night as well terrified of anything to do with it and having flashbacks in dreams of all the things I’ve pursued related to the obsession and waking up panicked feeling genuine nausea that I ever had anything to do with it all.

It is very strange.

For waking up at night- I suffer with insomnia and stress around bedtimes, and I've been listening to Jody Whiteley Sleep Hypnosis on YouTube.

It really helps me fall asleep. She has different ones from bedtime stories to help for depression and anxiety

Without knowing what the obsession was it's difficult to offer any real advice
Do you have objects around your home related to it? Is it a part of your social life? Excercise? Gaming?

I think it still sounds like your obsessed with it in a different way. Right now you can't change your feelings, hdo you have any other interests you could distract yourself with? A comfort TV show?

I typically flit from thing to thing so when my hyper focus wanes, there is always something waiting in the wings so I don’t quite understand what you are going through. I know how important it is to have something though.

Without knowing even the general type of obsession it is hard to suggest how to search for a new one, but that is what you need to do. Get online and start poking around. Watch videos. Read articles. Focus on researching for your new thing. For now, the process of discovery can be your focus. Eventually, something will click.

obsessions are perfectly normal. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. When other people were are adrift during things like pandemics or when companions are busy, we are always content.

When you feel overwhelmed, have you tried verbalising your worries and describing what you're doing? This forces the verbal part of your brain to dominate and stops the anxious parts from getting to the forefront with their unhelpful messages. I'm not sure if it is a long term solution, but it might help get you over the initial panic about the missing obsession.

I will give it a try. I’m just feeling so lost I’ll try anything

This article might be helpful for you OP

Losing Passion in Special Interests as an Autistic Individual

“A variety of factors might influence this, such as burnout, mental health challenges, or life changes. Autistic burnout, a state of intense physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion, is especially common and can significantly affect engagement with special interests (Raymaker et al., 2020). During burnout, even once-beloved activities may feel overwhelming. Losing interest does not mean something is wrong, but rather it is a common experience among autistic individuals.”

Learn to yoga breath at night
4 in filling lungs from the bottom and 4 out ( ok you may start on one in one out if it’s a real panic but you are aiming for 4)

and always turn over - seems to shake the nightmares out

apart from being exhausted and run down is there any other stress ?

ive had something similar. I may send you a private message

I know exactly what you're talking about.

That switch that flips to aversion is as impactful as the level of obsession. The contradiction of being bereft and knowing you'll never feel the same again but so put off it, that you don't want it back anyway.

It's very strange. I'm teetering on the edge of this again myself at the moment. Then it all feels a bit daft afterwards, wondering how I got so caught up in something I don't give a second thought to anymore.

I've no idea what this behaviour is or what it relates to. I don't have a diagnosis, although that doesn't mean I wouldn't get one if I was tested. It might be a coping mechanism for me. Somewhere to 'hide' when life gets stressful. Then something I shed when it's served it's purpose. I don't know really.

Audhd here when I am in burnout/stress I lose interest in my special interests. But when I am feeling better they return.

One of my special interests is horses which can be expensive and time consuming I am anxious to ramp up this special interest or make it my life because of those things. Sometimes I have to do my special interests in a less all or nothing safe way for myself. I don't know if thats helpful at all.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way currently I hope you can pin point or rest up and it returns.

Would writing a journal every night before you go to bed help. Or counselling.

Op this has happened to me recently coinciding with loads of crap. I haven’t lost the ability to do it but I just can’t even think about doing it. Im trying to forget for a while and reading instead. Hugs