Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Preteens first sleepover with unknown child…

14 replies

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 03/03/2026 07:52

Just that really.
year 7, and never been to a sleepover that I’ve not had a hand in organising.
It’s a birthday sleepover. I have no idea who she is, who her parents are, where they live etc etc.
I’ve not heard anything from the parents.
she really wants to go, I’m just not happy with it as things stand.

Is this the norm? Or do you always speak to the parents first? Should they have reached out?

OP posts:
MrThorpeHazell · 03/03/2026 07:58

Of course you speak to the parents and get full details, time, address etc.

We had a number of sleepovers when our DD was young but I cannot say I knew the parents of every girl who was there nor where they lived and, clearly they didn't know me or my wife other than at the school gates.

As for "reaching out" we let the parents contact us. It was logistically simpler that way.

Original poster
aperolspritzbasicbitch · 03/03/2026 08:02

MrThorpeHazell · 03/03/2026 07:58

Of course you speak to the parents and get full details, time, address etc.

We had a number of sleepovers when our DD was young but I cannot say I knew the parents of every girl who was there nor where they lived and, clearly they didn't know me or my wife other than at the school gates.

As for "reaching out" we let the parents contact us. It was logistically simpler that way.

Edited

That’s kind of my point.
i’m not saying I’ve known all previous friend’s inside out, but I’ve at least met them, met their parents at the school gate.
I have never set eyes on this family before. Or maybe I have. Wouldn’t know because I’ve heard nothing from them.

OP posts:
BalletSki · 03/03/2026 08:04

You tell your DD that before you can say yes, you need to message with her friend's parents. Tell your DD to ask for the mum's phone number. And then message them to satisfy yourself everything is ok

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General education Secondary education
Octavia64 · 03/03/2026 08:05

Ask her for the parents phone number and contact them.

name adress and phone number is minimum

Lilactimes · 03/03/2026 08:08

Hi @aperolspritzbasicbitch
my DD did a few sleepovers in year 7 with newer people I didn't know. I think it's fine to contact the parents and ask if it's ok and what the plan is, where they're sleeping, what they need to bring as a way of getting to know them.
I felt I was able to get a feel for (and enough information on) how it was going to be run and the amount of supervision. I think if a mum doesn't think that's reasonable then I wouldn't allow a sleepover there anyway. I also found that the sleepovers happened once DD had visited a few times and I'd collected and met in person. She never had one with anyone I'd never met or spoken to or hadn't collected her from the house first.

DaisyChain505 · 03/03/2026 08:09

Of course you find out more about the parents, where they live, what the set up is etc.

Lennonjingles · 03/03/2026 08:14

It’s really hard, when my DS went into year 7, he made a lot of new friends, who I obviously didn’t know, I also know it’s different for girls. A few sleepovers were arranged, but I said I would drop him off myself and asked to meet the parents at the same time, just to get to know them, maybe ask if you can do this.

marcyhermit · 03/03/2026 08:18

Personally, I don't let my children sleep in houses with unrelated men, especially if I don't know them. If you don't feel comfortable doing that then don't.

mindutopia · 03/03/2026 08:21

At that age, it would definitely be normal for the invite to come through the parents. How has this even been arranged? In my experience, dc that age make up all sorts of stuff they tell their friends to come to with actually discussing with their parents first. You need a formal invite via parents with details about what’s happening.

Ca2026 · 03/03/2026 08:26

Completely normal to ask for the contact details for the parents.

When my DD started year 7, she asked to sleep at a new friends, I said not just yet (wasn’t a birthday, just can I stay tonight), she then said can she stay here, I said yes if that’s ok with her parents. I went down to the door to meet the mum as she dropped her off. She didn’t even stop to wave at me, drove off before I’d opened the door. I found it so bizarre anyone would drop off an 11 year old child without a care in the world.

Ca2026 · 03/03/2026 08:27

mindutopia · 03/03/2026 08:21

At that age, it would definitely be normal for the invite to come through the parents. How has this even been arranged? In my experience, dc that age make up all sorts of stuff they tell their friends to come to with actually discussing with their parents first. You need a formal invite via parents with details about what’s happening.

I don’t think this is true at high school but I would still want to check the details with a parent.

TheSandgroper · 03/03/2026 11:23

Even in Y12, I was dropping off and going in to meet new parents, Just for five minutes.

No way would my year 6 have gone to a sleepover without me doing my due diligence.

ethelredonagoodday · 03/03/2026 11:28

I’d be saying you can only go once I have spoken to their mum/dad and checked it’s all ok with them. I’d use the ‘how do I know you’ve not invited yourself’ tack rather than anything else, but absolutely would want to have met them first…

Meridas · 03/03/2026 11:33

How old is she, is she in primary or is this a new friendship group in secondary? (I'm in Scotland so I have no idea how old a year 7 child is).

Either way ask her to get her friends parents number so you can make arrangements. Ask her to invite the friend over to yours after school one day or for dinner. New friendships are normal but so is parents knowing enough about those new friends to make informed decisions about sleepovers as they get older.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread