Sensitive topic (gift for bereaved parent - baby loss)

[Pilsberg]

Trying really hard to word this as sensitively as possible...

My older teen daughter wants to acknowledge the stillbirth of a friend's baby (full term) and has asked my advice on whether a Mother's Day gift would be appropriate, perhaps something with the baby's name?

Bless her, she has no experience at all of this type of loss and wants to do the right thing and not cause any offence or upset the lady. I haven't any experience either so hope it's okay to ask here.

I wondered if any Mnetters might be able to suggest some ideas? Thank you and sorry to any of you this might have triggered 💐

How close of a friend is your dd to her?

How recent was the loss? Your daughter is lovely to want to do those and it'd a very natural reaction to want to support those we care about, but I'm not sure it would be appropriate on mother's day or at all really, beyond supporting her friend with communication and friendship. Her friend probably wants to go underground on mother's day tbh, the poor woman has been through so much.

It is impossible to know, for some it would be seen as a kind and thoughtful gesture, for others it would seem horrendously inappropriate.

I don’t think Mother’s Day gift. Maybe a special gift like jewellery for this sort of thing.

Get her a gift but do it now.

Steer well clear of Mother's Day.

Actually, when was the stillbirth?

I am not sure I would do it on mother's day. But for our friends that lost a baby (still born at 41 weeks)- we gave them a rose bush- in a big patio pot. Which they still have in their garden (12 years since baby died).
Sands might be able to give some guidance however ..https://www.sands.org.uk/support-you/sands-here-support-you-mothers-day

Definitely not Mother's Day!

I wouldn't send a gift, but I'd suggest that she writes her a short letter, or a short piece in a sympathy card.

I can't imagine what it must feel like to suffer a still birth, but I would imagine that the least thing she feels like is that she is a mother. Or at least, she has had that snatched away from her.

It's perfectly possible that someone would not want any kind of permanent reminder, though.

Honestly, I'd send a card with a nice message, and avoid mention of Mothers' Day.

How recent was the stillbirth and what sort of contact has she had with the friend during/since?

How lovely and thoughtful of your daughter. And how terribly sad. 😞 As someone who has sadly experienced this in her close family I would say that a gift, something with the baby's name, or a candle or other trinket in the colour associated with the baby if that's something that they have done would have been appreciated by my relative. Other people might feel differently but on the whole everything I have seen, heard and read says that the parent wants nothing more than for their baby to be remembered and acknowledged and for their name to be said out loud, written on cards, everywhere. Obviously not in a happy mother's day sort of way but her friend IS a mother, she will be thinking of her baby on Mother's Day (and every other day for the rest of her life) so I think this can be marked with a thoughtful gift in memory of the baby as well as something for her. Another thing we do now that it's been quite a few years and the memory cabinet is bursting with all our gifts and keepsakes is donate to charity in the baby's name/memory. Sands and Tommy's are both excellent charities for this.

It was few weeks ago and whilst this is a newish friendship, they see each other nearly everyday.

Thank you so much to all of you that have responded, particularly with it being such a sensitive topic, thank you ❤️

An aunt sent me a handmade embroidered heart with my baby’s name on it a few weeks after our loss. I was extremely touched by the gesture. However for a newer friend I think a card to express sympathies or a text saying they were thinking of me on Mother’s Day would have been appreciated.