If you used to be scared of driving… how did you overcome that?

[Idratherbewithmycat]

And is it so crazy to just give it up instead?
I don’t need to drive on a daily basis but do acknowledge that my life would be easier in certain situations if I had the freedom to drive to places.
I got my licence over 20 yrs ago, never needed to drive as I lived in London. Did a few refresher lessons last year and it got better but haven’t driven for almost 10 months now and I feel back to the start. I am particularly scared pf driving if DD is in the car for example. How do I overcome this? And do I have to overcome this? I don’t want to send DD the message that driving is dangerous and that I had given up because I was scared but equally, I am scared and struggle to just get on with it!

I passed my test after 100 driving lessons. I have no co ordination and hated every minute of every driving lesson but as i lived rurally my dad basically forced me to learn to drive. 3 different driving instructors told my dad i was unteachable he took me out and said never again i then thought phew maybe he will let me give up but no he just found me another instructor (no4)!! I passed my test (not sure how) and thrn he bought me a car. I drove for about a year with really high anxiety and hated my life because i spent every time i wasnt driving worrying about the next upcoming drive so i moved to London and then went travelling basically to escape my dads nagging about driving. 2 yrs later i sold my car and moved away and i haven't driven since. Fast forward 32 yrs and my dd has had 40 lessons and has massive driving anxiety and her 2nd insructor has told us she is unteachable.

We have never mentioned my driving issues to her ever. We are both very obviously dyspraxic. Older DD has no driving anxiety what so ever though.

I do think some people just can't grasp it and i was told several times i was dangerous on the roads.

I know how much i hated being forced to drive so we haven't pressured DD anymore - besides we can't afford it anymore.

Everyone goes on about how important it is to drive but if it is causing anxiety in other parts of your life it isnt worth it. I have learnt to get about fine without driving.

Automatic fixed it for me too. And every day I still can’t believe I’m driving and how confident I am. I swore I’d never drive again,

start small , familiar regular journeys, then extend them. In time you might be forced into diversions etc but it’ll help you in the long run. Always have a good live sat nav. Google Maps and Waze are good. I also use Apple Maps as it tells me what lane to be in

Wow how interesting ! Those who are saying an automatic fixed this....I have had driving anxiety for many years.around speed,. flyovers, bridges, motorways, empty fast roads but not busy city traffic which seems fine (I think it's about the space). Do you think an automatic would help.me or were your issues different? Sorry to hijack your thread op

This thread is giving me hope. I hate driving. I just cannot do it. I passed my test at 38 but I still don’t know how I did that. I absolutely hate it. We’ve just switched to an automatic with all the gadgets and I’m really hoping it will help

I drive an automatic and passed my test 6 years ago. To build up confidence, I would only go out very early in the morning when the roads were empty 🤣. I even thought I’d keep my p plates on for life 😁. Things came to a head when I was coerced into picking up my dad on Christmas Day - seemingly no one else could go (all lies). It meant driving into the centre of a large city, but it was quiet because it was Christmas. It wasn’t a flawless drive and I made a big mistake turning at a set of lights in the city centre. But being able to do that journey and get back unscathed gave me so much encouragement. Take things slowly and build up your confidence. Now, a few years on I drive every day and go for miles. Just remember it doesn’t need to be a sprint, and you’ll make mistakes, but you’ll learn from them. One day you’ll enjoy it, I promise!

I don’t really understand how an automatic could fix a lot of driving anxiety, I had no anxiety around driving the actual car (except maybe when very young and stalling etc) for me it was going to busy places and not knowing what lane to get into, being in the wrong place, merging onto motorways etc, an automatic can’t help with that.

This is the only way! I was so nervous but made myself drive more and more. Don’t just do short necessary journeys either. You will never get better taking this easy option. Drive to another city, motorways, everything that makes you anxious.
Prepare first and be sure to look at things like large roundabouts- know what lane to be in. Use your satnav so you know that a junction is approaching .
Try talking out loud ( advance drivers are trained this way) about everything that is happening. Good luck- do not give up!

It was more the fear of stalling for me, that was massive 😂 and choosing gears. I think now, I probably could go back to manual, having the confidence , but I never will, I like having a hybrid just now

As above poster, it’s the fear of stalling that was a big issue for me.
Don’t no why, but I’d just built it up to be this big deal.

I actually didn’t switch to an automatic and in answer to OP question, I think you just need to drive every day.

Stick with familiar routes/go out early in the morning when few cars on the road to gain confidence.

Doing lots of driving, particularly tackling unfamiliar routes.

Was in similar situation to you OP. Then getting pregnant gave me motivation to drive. Thought driving an automatic would help (less mechanical stuff to worry/think about, stalling etc) so booked refresher lessons and carried on till I felt a bit more confident. Bought a car, stuck some P plates on and started driving every day (work, supermarket etc) - it became less and less nerve-racking and I am now a very confident driver. Another thing that really helped was sat nav - relieves some of the stress of navigating & negotiating traffic at same time. Waze is a fantastic app.

I was in a similar situation. Didn’t drive since being a teenager as lived in London, and even after 4 years of fairly regular driving, I’m not a fan and get anxious about longer distances and unfamiliar areas.

I switched to automatic and that helped significantly, and use Waze if going somewhere I don’t know well. Other than that, it has just been exposure that helped over time.

I Live in London. Passed my test at 23 but didn't drive again until late 30s as we moved a bit further in se London. Not as good transport and a lot of hills. I'm still not a great driver but I can confidently do those common trips that make life easier (gym, supermarket, school, play dates, kids classes etc) all fairly local. This is great and really all I want to do. It makes things like going to the gym an lunch when wfh possible. Otherwise it's a 15 /20 min walk both ways ( no real public transport options tha speed this up). I'm also getting into hire bikes , but no use with the kids.

so I'd say just aim low. You don't need to drive to Manchester or anything too challenging. Also leave more time for busy periods like school drop off. Here you can get flustered and panic.

I would also recommend NOT using P plates. I honestly think this led to some fairly shitty behaviour. Van drivers in particular would over/interke me and honk all the time just because they thought I'd slow them down.

The only way to really get used to it is drive regularly. I’d never usually encourage someone in a city who doesn’t need to but you need to do regular trips. On familiar roads and then a bit further gradually. London driving is so different to around town but you do get used to it.

The thing that helped me funnily enough was something that Henry Cole said on the Motorbike show. He said you only need to concentrate on the few metres around you. Keep a nice empty box in front and behind you and relax.

It really helped me. That said, if I lived in Central London I wouldn't have a car and would never drive anywhere. The transport system is just so good.

Practice. I was involved as a passenger in an almost fatal car crash when i was learning to drive but fought through this and flashbacks. I had a good friend who’d come with me too which helped.

That's why you should pick ONE regular small simple journey and just practise, practise, practise it till you can almost do it without thinking. Go out v early in the morning or once the days get longer, go in the evening after rush hour. Then add another journey with maybe a more complicated junction or two and add that to your "repertoire". Then another. Just work your way up that way slowly doing longer journeys, building up to going at busier times.

A decent sat nav is a total game changer. My car has Apple Car Play and I just use Apple Maps. DH prefers Google Maps. I love seeing which turning you need on a roundabout for example. Just knowing that if you miss a turning it will re-route you ensures you don't panic. And if for some reason you lose your sat nav signal or phone dies and you don't know where you are, just pull over somewhere convenient so you can pull your thoughts together and make a plan. Ask a passerby if necessary. Maybe have a paper map in the car as a backup so if necessary you can figure out if you need the westbound or eastbound direction, for example, and if a city is mentioned you know where that is geographically so nknow you're heading in roughly the right direction.

Motorways are fine, honestly, you just need practice merging on and off. Some are quieter than others. And again, go at quieter times. And just practise going on and off junctions, navigating big roundabouts etc.

I was a VERY nervous driver learning to drive and even for a few years after passing my test. I don't particularly enjoy driving in busy city centres I'm not familiar with as everyone else seems to know where they're going and there are constant lane changes and bus lanes etc which you're unaware of till the last minute, but often people will let you move over to the right one if you indicate if you're in a queue for the wrong one.

Always have plenty of fuel in the car! Then you'll never be stressed that you've taken a wrong turn but are about to run out fuel. Even if you're heading miles the wrong way up a motorway you'll be just fine with plenty of fuel, as you'll be able to come off and get back on at some point.

@CurlyhairedAssassin I’m fine now, what sorted me was moving out of London and having to get on a slip road every day for work! Just don’t think an automatic would have fixed anything for me, never had an issue with the mechanics, more the logistics!

Unfortunately I cannot get an automatic at the moment. Our family car is a manual one and we are not planning to get a new one or an extra due to budget and the fact that it really isn’t needed (we work in London, one car is enough)

But also just to add, it isn’t the actual action of driving a car that is the issue for me but the fear of being in a street with other people and navigating the roads

When I first passed my test I would go out early on a weekend morning and practice routes that I knew I would want to drive to eg supermarket in next town, DDs house, various office locations. That helped me to know roundabouts, lanes, etc while it was quiet enough for mistakes to be easily dealt with

Yes exactly I think an automatic wouldn’t change anything for me as it’s what’s outside me that worries me, not me being in control of the car

CBT and also driving every single day.

I was the same as you, OP. I agree with the driving every day, or nearly every day if you can. If you live in London then maybe this will have to wait until you move away. But I got over my fears by practising, and on short, familiar routes. I've never driven a long way. Where I now live I'm a few minutes from Sainsbury's, the station, friends' houses. There was a hill with traffic lights that used to fill me with dread but I conquered it. If you stall you just start it up again, and keep practising. Now if I have to stop on that hill it's no problem as I know how to use the clutch - practice! Good luck, OP. It is hard at first but it's worth the effort.

become jason bourne behind the wheel