Leaving 5year old for a month ?!

[everybodylovessun]

Hey everyone need some cool advice about me having to go away and leaving my son for 5 weeks a bit of a family thing aboard he will be with my mum and dad while I’m gone but I just feel so bad and I have really bad anxiety plus it will be my birthday while I’m gone and I’ve always celebrated with him just wanted any advice from mums that had to go away for a few weeks and what did you do to calm your nerves ?

I almost wonder, OP, if you might have more luck posting on the “Armed Forces”
board where people will be regularly dealing with postings of several months. I’m slightly reluctant to suggest that, though, as five weeks is so much less than a 6 month deployment and I anticipate you will be able to have regular contact with your DS which those in the forces often can’t.
Yes, it will be tough for you both but it will be fine. If you are the default parent, spend a week or so really thinking about everything you do and whether DH knows how to do that thing or where that thing is - mine, for example, would know where the calpol and the syringe is but not where all of the old syringes were for example. If your DS has clubs which you take him to, where & what time are those clubs? Do you actually need to get there 15 mins early to get a parking spot for example? If your DS is at school, does he have enough uniform for a whole week or do you, for example, have three sets and make sure everything is washed & dried on a Wednesday for the rest of the week?
Who do you need to inform? You may be the first emergency contact at school for example. Would it make sense to change that? If you do lift shares or your DS always goes home with someone on a particular day each week, do they have your DH’s contact details as well as your own?
Finally, in terms of prepping your son, I think sitting down with a calendar might help. He won’t be able to grasp the concept of how long it will be really but you can walk through the things he’ll do whilst you’re away and what you’ll do together when you’re back.

I almost wonder, OP, if you might have more luck posting on the “Armed Forces”
board where people will be regularly dealing with postings of several months. I’m slightly reluctant to suggest that, though, as five weeks is so much less than a 6 month deployment and I anticipate you will be able to have regular contact with your DS which those in the forces often can’t.
Yes, it will be tough for you both but it will be fine. If you are the default parent, spend a week or so really thinking about everything you do and whether DH knows how to do that thing or where that thing is - mine, for example, would know where the calpol and the syringe is but not where all of the old syringes were for example. If your DS has clubs which you take him to, where & what time are those clubs? Do you actually need to get there 15 mins early to get a parking spot for example? If your DS is at school, does he have enough uniform for a whole week or do you, for example, have three sets and make sure everything is washed & dried on a Wednesday for the rest of the week?
Who do you need to inform? You may be the first emergency contact at school for example. Would it make sense to change that? If you do lift shares or your DS always goes home with someone on a particular day each week, do they have your DH’s contact details as well as your own?
Finally, in terms of prepping your son, I think sitting down with a calendar might help. He won’t be able to grasp the concept of how long it will be really but you can walk through the things he’ll do whilst you’re away and what you’ll do together when you’re back.

I almost wonder, OP, if you might have more luck posting on the “Armed Forces”
board where people will be regularly dealing with postings of several months. I’m slightly reluctant to suggest that, though, as five weeks is so much less than a 6 month deployment and I anticipate you will be able to have regular contact with your DS which those in the forces often can’t.
Yes, it will be tough for you both but it will be fine. If you are the default parent, spend a week or so really thinking about everything you do and whether DH knows how to do that thing or where that thing is - mine, for example, would know where the calpol and the syringe is but not where all of the old syringes were for example. If your DS has clubs which you take him to, where & what time are those clubs? Do you actually need to get there 15 mins early to get a parking spot for example? If your DS is at school, does he have enough uniform for a whole week or do you, for example, have three sets and make sure everything is washed & dried on a Wednesday for the rest of the week?
Who do you need to inform? You may be the first emergency contact at school for example. Would it make sense to change that? If you do lift shares or your DS always goes home with someone on a particular day each week, do they have your DH’s contact details as well as your own?
Finally, in terms of prepping your son, I think sitting down with a calendar might help. He won’t be able to grasp the concept of how long it will be really but you can walk through the things he’ll do whilst you’re away and what you’ll do together when you’re back.

Is there any reason you can’t go for a shorter time? What can be more important than your young son?

I almost wonder, OP, if you might have more luck posting on the “Armed Forces”
board where people will be regularly dealing with postings of several months. I’m slightly reluctant to suggest that, though, as five weeks is so much less than a 6 month deployment and I anticipate you will be able to have regular contact with your DS which those in the forces often can’t.
Yes, it will be tough for you both but it will be fine. If you are the default parent, spend a week or so really thinking about everything you do and whether DH knows how to do that thing or where that thing is - mine, for example, would know where the calpol and the syringe is but not where all of the old syringes were for example. If your DS has clubs which you take him to, where & what time are those clubs? Do you actually need to get there 15 mins early to get a parking spot for example? If your DS is at school, does he have enough uniform for a whole week or do you, for example, have three sets and make sure everything is washed & dried on a Wednesday for the rest of the week?
Who do you need to inform? You may be the first emergency contact at school for example. Would it make sense to change that? If you do lift shares or your DS always goes home with someone on a particular day each week, do they have your DH’s contact details as well as your own?
Finally, in terms of prepping your son, I think sitting down with a calendar might help. He won’t be able to grasp the concept of how long it will be really but you can walk through the things he’ll do whilst you’re away and what you’ll do together when you’re back.

It’s not ideal but I don’t know the circumstances. Assume that you can video call him often?

You are not asking for good advice. You are asking people to agree that this is OK.

Forces families do this all the time.

Do not over think it.

Thousands of small children spend summer holidays with grandparents because parents are working.
Only on MN are mothers expected to be tied to their children.

I think they would. I'd have very strong views on my husband disappearing out of our lives for five weeks.

@OP I wasn't suggesting your parents go instead, I was just saying that if it wasn't your dh or parents you were going to be with, why was that person's needs more important than your child's?

Of course it's your call and you don't have to justify it but you can't expect people not to have an opinion. Otherwise why post?

@Talkinpeacei realised this 🤣🤣 it seems like if you even spend a night without them your a Bad mum

He'll be fine. Expect there to be some disruption when you get back though, everyone will have settled into a new routine without you and it will take time to adjust back.

@everybodylovessun It's fine OP. You're going away for 5 weeks, not 5 months. He'll have his grandparents and his own Dad with him for heaven sake. It's not as if you're leaving him with the neighbours! I think posters are being incredibly dramatic about this.

Can you go for less time?

It’ll be absolutely fine, it’s only a few weeks and you’re leaving him with his dad!!

It will be fine OP.

At least once a year I’m away from my children for just over 3 weeks at a time (once it was just over 4 weeks) and we all survived.

I of course missed them terribly but no long lasting damage was done.

It’s not like you’re going somewhere for a year, it’s only 5 weeks.

Think about all the parents who work in the armed forces who are away from their children for considerably longer periods.

As long as your child is well prepared for it, and understands why you are leaving, and you stay in close contact whilst you are gone, then you will all survive it.

I wouldn't do it but it sounds like you've made up your mind so theres not much more to say.

If he spends a lot of time with his dad and grandparents he will be fine. I had to spend a couple of months with my grandparents when I was a child. They were heavily involved in my life, more like second parents so I was absolutely fine with them. I felt safe and comfortable.

I won't even leave my dog for more than 7-8 days let alone a young child.

Maybe it is life or death situation for the family member? Maybe not that much, but maybe a very serious situation which needs the OPs help? And her child will be with their dad and grandparents, so it is not like the child’s needs to be with their mum is the same as the family member maybe needing urgent help with a serious matter.

@Whereohwhere2026lol what a weird thing to say many families have to leave I’m human and I only have 1 child who have family members that adore him and look after him really well making it seem like he’s going to be left alone or something sometimes as parents we need to make our children be without us sometimes because anything can happen to you in life how will your child be able to cope if you was all they seen ?

At five your sense of time will be very different to the adults in the situation. It might ‘only’ be five weeks to you OP but you don’t have a five year old brain or five year old attachment needs. I think the only way this is okay is if it’s an absolute emergency… it doesn’t sound as if it is but the reason has been omitted so ???????

Christ thread full of judgey
velcro mums, 5 weeks is hardly a life time.my cousin is a major in the Army she isnt always home she is an incredible and extremely present mother and the children's father takes care of them with DGP help. Lots of women have lots of reasons they can't always be present. If you are confident Your child will be safe and cared for you are doing your job, explain everything to child before you go, wrote them some.notes maybe or leave some.pictures you drew, get matching PJs and teddy's to have one each make regular facetime calls send post card. Do some deep breathing and mediation to soothe yourself all will be well

Sorry you are getting such judgmental responses on here, OP. Anyone would think you were planning to leave your son with strangers, not close family! Obviously it's not ideal to be away for 5 weeks, but you clearly have your reasons and if you know they are good enough, you don't need to justify them to others.