Should I agree to ex DP having the child benefit claim?

[Emmzo]

I have 2 DC with my ex. The relationship isn’t easy, he turns pretty volatile when trying to have a normal conversation so I really would appreciate some thoughts before I try and tackle what might be a difficult one.

I earn above the child benefit maximum so not entitled to payments - I have the claim in my name but opt out of receiving it. It was one of the proofs I needed to provide when applying for DS school place (DD still in nursery).

Ex earns less. He has the children 2-3 nights per week. He pays 50% of the nursery and wraparound fees but nothing more. I don’t want or need more from him.

He’s put in a rival child benefit claim, probably assumed that because I’m not entitled to the money, he can have it. I can either let him take the claim for one or both children, or let the child benefit agency decide - I suspect it would be awarded to me given that I’m the main carer, school/medical etc at my address and he lives in the next county.

Are there any pitfalls to allowing him to take it? I really don’t know if I’m opening myself up to anything or whether I’m feeling uneasy for no good reason other than that I don’t trust him. I wish I could have a rational discussion with him but that’s just not going to happen, so please help me… is there anything that could backfire or does it just make sense for him to claim?

Thank you x

The only issue I can think of is if you were out of work, as CB would ensure your National Insurance record was covered.

Given he's having them 2-3 times a week, I would split and agree he claims child benefit for one child.
I wouldn't feel comfortable with him claiming for both, but I'm not sure why. I'm thinking there's something about resident parent

I'd let the agency decide. He's bullying you and would likely interpret that he has made you back down leading to more bullying in the future.

The agency is nothing to do with you.

I put it into Google and saw this . The fact that the govt will recognise him as primary care giver would really worry me .
Also, could he then ask for maintenance payments from you ? Be careful.

It's not just about the money, it's a door opener to other stuff. I probably wouldnt.

Would that not mean he would have to be the primary carer and entitled to child support from you?

He could use that to claim maintenence from you.

I wouldn't do this at all.

Where I work we take child benefit payment as proof of custody - ties in with the previous post that parent who receives it is deemed the resident parent by govt

Hard no from me. As others have said it opens the door to other payments and could be used against you. There have been other friends on here that warn against it, l would look through them if l was you. You are the main carer and do the majority of the caring, if he wants more money then he should work more

I would not do anything that makes him look like the resident parent.

How do the nursery and wraparound care fees compare with CMS figures?

On the face of it, claiming one child each might be reasonable to allow extra funds to be available for your children, but there will be nuances to it that we aren't aware of without full disclosure.

Do you earn enough to pay full NIC contributions every year for state pension purposes?

If not then there's no way I would take my name off the Child Benefit.

She said that she earns too much to receive child benefit. Therefore she earns enough to pay full NI

He could claim maintenance from you.

The other issue is that the parent with the CB is viewed as the primary parent (sometimes unfairly when it’s genuine 50/50) for things like school places (as you’ve seen) and in disputes.

I would only consider it if it was an agreement that you claim for one child each and you set up a proper arrangements order showing who has the children when so he can’t use it to cause you trouble (which as you’ve said he’s pretty volatile is absolutely a consideration).

I would be more inclined to offer to cover an extra £20 a week to the childcare (if that’s affordable for you) to mostly cover what he’d get than give it over. It’s a protection you don’t want to hand over without serious thought.

How does the 50% of nursery and wraparound balance up to what he should pay in CM?

100% this.

He can use it to then claim child maintenance against you.

As others have said could mean he could put a maintenance claim in. Also means he could be entitled to universal credit (as now responsible for a child) which might be a massive help to him and means more money for the children.

She earns too much to receive CB so of course sge does.

I wouldn’t.

he would be seen as resident parent, he could use it to get a council property, claim maintenance. Particularly if he is high conflict this would be an absolute nightmare for you.

The person getting the CB is considered to be the primary carer. Particularly if he's volatile I'd object. You don't want him trying to use it in court to 'prove' he's primary carer or trying to use it to claim maintenance from you.

This would be crazy, the first thing I thought without even opening the thread was that he could claim maintenance from you

Thank you for your thoughts… mine have been along the same lines but it’s so hard when I know I’m naturally defensive and might be seeing problems that don’t exist. I don’t want to be unreasonable, just sensible and protect my children’s interests. If it means he kicks off then so be it, it’ll just be another bump I deal with.

To answer some of the questions, the national insurance side is not a concern. I work full time in a good secure job which I’m very fortunate to have (although I won’t lie that it’s a really tough balance whilst they’re young).

The childcare payments he makes are less than what CM would be, but none of this is about money. I have the CB claim for admin purposes, I don’t need money from him to ensure they have everything they need and I’m happy that he uses his money for their benefit rather than me taking more. He does have clothes/toys etc for them while they’re with him, they do activities… again, I realise I’m fortunate to be able to say this but the money doesn’t matter and the children come first. Although he’ll totally see this as me trying to stop him getting money 🙄

I think I’ll just fill in the form saying we don’t agree on who should have the claim and let them decide. Based on their criteria I’m fairly sure it’ll stay with me, but at least then I can say it’s their decision and try to reason that for school and other admin purposes they need to be registered here.

Thank you, I’ve really needed some open/rational/sensible minds to know I’m not being unreasonable in wanting to keep it - when the inevitable fallout comes I’ll feel a lot more comfortable in standing my ground!

When my ex did this I offered to take £20 a week off the maintenance bill for him.

i bet you it, like it was then for my ex, isn’t actually about the CB. He’s likely realised he can use it to claim from you, or claim other benefits (depending on his income) and rather than having a rational discussion with you about it he’s just stuck a rival claim in.

Mine was under the impression that because he could get more tax credits than me I should let him claim. Despite the fact I had the kids the majority of the time (and he wouldn’t have shared) 😂