How often to see grandparents

[GiantYorkshirePud]

Hi,

How often do your young DC see their grandparents? Especially interested to hear from those who live 1 hour+ away from them. What is their relationship like?

My DD is 12 months old, sees each of my and DH’s family around every 3-4 weeks. They all live at least 1 hour away.

DD specifically cries at my mum and stepdad everytime she sees them, and i can see it upsets them. Step dad is retired and mum works part time, they insisted they would come every wednesday when DD was born, but that hasn’t materialised and i’m sad she doesnt have an amazing bond with my mum like she constantly talked about when I was pregnant.

I’m a SAHM, they know they can drop by whenever. They are constantly driving to a city 15 minutes from us and going shopping/eating out there, I wouldve thought they would pop in and see DD? is this unreasonable me?

Has distance stopped your DCs grandparents from having a strong bond with them?

Thanks

My parents live eight hours drive away. See my 4 and 2yo about every 6-8 weeks for a few days at a time. Other grandparents live about 75 mins away and see them every couple of weeks. My oldest needed to be ignored completely by them all for the first couple of hours and allowed to warm up in his own time. My youngest was more confident and fine from the start. They both have a brilliant bond with both sets of grandparents now and go for sleepovers with the closer set. My oldest was about 3yo before he didn't need time to warm up to them each visit.

12 months is quite young to have a ‘bond’. As your DC gets older, they will remember GPs more and build that bond.

My parents came weekly when I was on mat leave when Covid allowed (DD was 6 months old in first lockdown).

When I first returned to work it was 2-3 times a month as I was part time. Now I am full time and DD at school it is usually every school holiday and then occasional weekends eg birthdays in between. So every 4-6 weeks roughly. They are 1.5hrs away and retired but late 70’s so quite old.

Suggest you take turns travelling.. What excuse can they give that it's OK for a baby to travel an hour but not them? Next visit mention next time it's their turn and leave it with them... If they don't see dd it's their loss. Babies don't care...

My mum lives 15 minutes away and we see her every 2-3 weeks. In laws are 2.5-3 hours away and we see them every 6 weeks roughly. In laws make much more effort to speak to the children on face time in between and interact when they are here. My husband’s own grandmother has a lovely bond with them although they only see each other once a year if that as she speaks to them every week on FaceTime.

Once or twice a year if my mum can be bothered to visit/be visited. She only lives a 20-30 minute drive away. I'm sure she'll suddenly want to visit/be visited loads when I've got a newborn though, at least until the baby is no longer a baby.

My parents live 4 hour drive away, see DC 2-3 times a year usually for 5-6 days at a time.

Parents live 10mins drive away next village, see grandkids majority of days and there's nearly always one staying over of they choose to, currently there's 4 down there right now 3 yr twins 4 yr boy 5, yr boy.
The teenager also hop on bus down or get me to drop them off for teas, overnights..very good bond with all of us. If grandma or grandad pops in at least 2 will ask to go down and I did once say to my parents if it's to much they can say no but they never have

Once every month seems quite irregular if they only live an hour away and yours a sahm while your DM is part time, but if they don’t make an effort to come to you at least the same amount then it is what it is.

We live slightly closer so 45mins and see my mum twice a week on average.

We lived just over an hour from one grandparents and just under an hour from the other
one set in one direction the other set the other

We saw grandparents every six weeks
so basically we were visiting someone every three weeks

This was simply because
our boys have lots of weekend activities and we both worked so was as much as we could do.

One grandparent ( under a hour ) was exhausting and we knew we’d end up doing stuff for them eg shopping. DIY. Cooking our food. We also knew she wasn’t actually even remotely interested in seeing her only grandkids…she just needed free Labour.

The other grandparents ( over an hour ) bent over backwards and always did a huge slap up meal and loved seeing us all. so we could put our feet up

Despite the differences in attitude and distance we visited them all equally. Although the further grandparents did pop to see us every now and then. They made the effort so got the bonus add ons 😆. Plus they actually wanted to see us.

How often do you take them to your parents OP? Or do you expect them to do all the travelling? They live over an hour away you say? So that’s at least two hours round trip, they are managing this once a month, not sure what you are moaning about tbh?

One set of grandparents live 30 minutes away, the others 10 minutes away and each set sees my children on one day per week for 2-3 hours. I’m on maternity leave at the moment with my second so they see my family on a Friday and my partner’s family on a Sunday. Nothing related to childcare though, we all just see everyone together

We lived around 50 minutes away from both grandmothers. When my daughter was very young she saw my mum twice each week, and my mother in law probably once a fortnight. She adored my mum, but often cried when she was with my mother in law - but they may have been because she went to see her with my husband and I wasn’t there.

@GiantYorkshirePud , My husband and I live less than 10 minutes drive from one of our sons and his family and an hour and a half from the other. On average we see our son and his family who live furthest away a couple of times a month but they will be long visits. Usually they come to us once a month and we go to them once a month. In addition we sometimes have holidays together if at all possible with our other son’s family too. The son who lives closer we see about the same except we sometimes pick our granddaughter up from school or take her to an activity as needed.
Id like it to be more frequent but everyone has such busy lives. Our daughter in laws post frequently on our family WhatsApp which we appreciate.

Gosh if our sons ever hook up I’m hoping we have daughter in laws like yours !

You hear so many terrible tales

We see MIL maybe every 6 weeks to 3 months. She’s always lived about an hour away.

My family lives abroad, about an 8 hour flight plus 3 hours drive from airport. We saw my mum about 3-4 times a year. Sometimes about as often as we saw MIL. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Distance makes absolutely no difference in the quality of the relationship. A fun, loving, engaged grandparent is just as great if they live an hour away or 4. I wouldn’t expect a 12 month old to recognise them though or be comfortable around them at this stage. It’s peak for stranger anxiety and they are essentially strangers unless they’re around daily providing care. This is totally normal. Your parents need to not put adult expectations on a baby.

My Siblings An hour away- once a year
Grandparent 5 mins away- every 4/5 months
Grandparent 4 hours away - never
Grandparents 20 minutes away - don't visit us but my dh take them every other month but more for something to do with young children than a meaningful relationship.
All retired and in reasonable health. Just not interested

I don't think distance really matters someone who cares will show it in tangible ways.

I realised that actually mine didn't have a great deal of interest being parents so certainly wouldn't be interested in being Grandparents although both sides made noises that they would be at the start 🤷🏼‍♀️

I’m a grandmother and I’m quite surprised at some of the comments here. I now have two grandchildren and see the youngest on average 2/3 times a week for 5/6 hours at a time. My eldest has started school and time is now limited as we used to see them as much as my youngest. It honestly pains me that I can’t spend as much time with them now. School holidays are always pre planned for days out and the both of them come and stay weekends quite often. I am very close to my daughters so maybe that has something to do with it? Someone once told me, make the most of the pre school years because once they arrive you’ll never see them. It’s so true and I’m so glad I’ve had the privilege to do that.