My toddler clawed my face; really upset

[plantseeds]

It wasn’t an accident; she was having a tantrum and I moved her away and she properly dug her nails in and grabbed and twisted my mouth. It’s still really hurting now.

She’s never done that before; obviously she’s had occasional tantrums but this felt really vindictive even though it wasn’t … just sharing, I know there’s no point to this post!

How old?

She was not being vindictive and it wasn’t intentional.

She is a toddler and was having a tantrum. She was out of control as she hasn’t quite got the band width yet to control her emotions. She will get there.

I did acknowledge it wasn’t; I said it felt that way. She is two and eight months.

At this age, she won’t understand the consequences of what she’s doing and doesn’t yet have the language to explain how she feels.

My daughter went through a phase of hitting at nursery when she was 2. We talked about having kind hands and we bought a book called ‘hands are not for hitting’ . She soon stopped doing it :)

It’s feels so savage when they do something like this.

you know it wasn’t vindictive or personal, but it bloody feels like it at the time!

it also doesn’t hurt to let them see you feel hurt and upset. Not in an overly dramatic way, but in a shock, hurt way.

then sit down and have a calm chat about what we should do if we’re feeling angry or cross, and that we don’t hurt people, no matter how angry we are.

I’ve had times where my DD1 has really hurt me - kicked or hit out in anger around 5 years old! I’ve sat her on the sofa as she screams and shouts at me and I’ve walked out of the room and cried because it hurt. The realisation of what she did hit home when she saw Mammy is just human too

That’s exactly it @MsSquiz ; my head knows it wasn’t vindictive or personal but just the same it felt pretty nasty. She is very tired and has her back teeth coming through so bad nights … she is normally a very loving child so that was why it shocked me so much!

Has this triggered something for you? Are you already struggling emotionally? You know she isn't vindictive, so why has this upset you?

I think anyone would be upset by having their face clawed painfully, it doesn’t have to be “triggering”.

She is learning to have these big feelings and process them so the best thing you can do is keep calm and later on talk about kind hands, being gentle etc. But it is just a phase unfortunately and very common at this age.

Hope your face feels better soon!

Oh op I've been there. It's harder to process than if it was an older child who does know what they are doing because with them you can be cross. In this situation you are left in pain and upset by your child, knowing you can't reasonably do anything about it but still feeling rubbish.

Oh it certainly is upsetting to be hit, especially in the face. My daughter smacked me across the face once - she had just lost all reasoning.

Try not to be upset because it was an accident. It wasn’t within her control. I know it hurts physically, but try not to spiral into thoughts about you failing as a parent or her showing signs of being a brat. It’s nothing of the kind. Two year olds (and older children if autistic) will blindly and unintentionally lash out when in a tantrum/meltdown. I had one that was a hair puller… both their own and anyone near them. They all eventually grow out of it. It’s a normal phase of growing up where they begin to be able to manage emotions without physically over-reacting.

That’s a harsh and weird comment. Can’t people just be upset these days without this psycho babble?

When I find my wee ones behaviour hard I tell myself they are having a really hard moment/day. And that helps me move from my own frustration to wanting to help them regulate. Which obviously at that age they can't do independently.

Responding to pain is normal and human, and toddlers can get angry and lash out as they don't have the social cues not to yet. Its not abnormal, you'll probably actually see more of it over the next year which is developmentally normal and its no reflection on you or your little one.

I just ignored it; I think the poster was trying to accuse me of being dramatic without actually saying that. Such posts are best not engaged with!

Thanks all … I feel better about it now, it just really caught me by surprise and was really painful although I accept that’s partly my fault too; need to cut her nails!

It’s called the Terrible Twos partly because they get a bit terrible/terrifying when they get overwhelmed, overtired, hangry and seem to lose the plot. Calmness and not shaming them or yourself usually gets them back to their sweet selves.

You're probably tired too yes? That will be contributing to the feeling that it was an attack, even while your rational brain knows otherwise.

If I'm very overtired and catch my belt loop on a door handle, the emotional part of my brain can take it very personally, doesn't mean I think the door handle is out to get me - however much of a 'knob I may think it's being in the moment ;)

@JLou08

why on earth wouldn’t she be upset? Would you not be upset is someone clawed your face?! It hurts and could leave an unsightly mark

I know it’s upsetting but it’s really normal. My eldest is the most placid lovely boy and he punched me in the face once when he came out of nursery, I think I was so upset because I was shocked but obviously toddlers do sometimes lash out when tired/overwhelmed. He only did it that once.

I was far less shocked when my dd clawed at my face and drew blood several times at the same age but she’s always been a wild one 🤣.

In all seriousness though neither of them would dream of doing it now at 6 and 3 - she will grow out of it.

It's upsetting when it happens but all part of parenting

My first was a bitter (grew out of it eventually) and I had actual bite marks on my arms sometimes. Awful. They are emotionally completely inept - I just remind myself of that!

It is upsetting.
I have a 15 year old with the mind of a two year old who regularly bashes me about. It hasn't got any easier as he now has the strength of a grown man.

Take comfort that yours is just a phase that will pass. I'm not saying you shouldn't feel upset by it. Just trying to reassure you it will pass.

Very reactive at that age. Sending hugs.

Also this^ mine was a wee dote, semi-feral between 2.5 and 3, and then back to being a dote again now. But honestly I really was flying by the seat of my pants for those 6 months he just hulked out and was smashing/ hitting/ biting/ scratching round him. I used to brace myself every day at the nursery door.

Toddlers will grab out at the nearest thing. In this case it was your face. They dont have the brain power to understand that they mustn't do that, but they will learn. My eldest son was a biter unfortunately 😕 he bit his baby brother and a couple of other toddlers. Its very embarrassing when they do it to other kids my God I was glad when that particular phase ended!

No. I've had my lip busted by my own toddler and been left with scratches and bruises from being pinched by other children I worked with. I didn't think I was in the minority not finding things like that upsetting so genuinely wondered if it was triggering some past abuse OP needed to deal with.

@JLou08

you are deffo in the minority. Most people don’t like having their faces attacked