I feel like I am having a breakdown

[Xhanfeusernamem]

I cannot stop crying but mostly want to scream and felt really compelled to throw and break things earlier and only just managed to stop myself.

I feel so much pressure all the time and I just can't do it anymore.

I keep breaking out in hives. My skin is so itchy all over I keep clawing at it.

I have a work project which is failing and although not directly my fault, it is mostly me it will reflect really badly on. At best I will just be humiliated, at worst I will lose my job and I am the main earner.

I have anxiety and OCD and I think it's slowly been ramping up and I spend so much time checking and inspecting things all the time I am utterly exhausted. Today I got some signs that my checks have failed and the house is now contaminated and it has totally sent me over the edge. I can't even go to sleep as I can't relax.

I also feel like a terrible mother as I had no patience this evening and both DC ended up having a huge meltdown as I passed my stress onto them.

I really don't want to feel this way anymore. Is it going to pass? What can I realistically do?

What help are you getting for your anxiety and OCD?

Hey 👋🏻
Deep breaths in and slowly out to regulate breathing
Why do you think your house is contaminated?

GP, time off work if appropriate, medication if appropriate.
Access Employee Assistance scheme if you have one.
Speak to line manager.

Definitely get yourself off to the doctor. Do not put yourself last in the list of to do's because you will be no good to anybody if you continue to try to function the way you are currently.

How old are you? Do things seem to feel worse at certain times in your menstral cycle?

Thank you. I'm 42. I do feel like I yo-yo a lot, my period just started today so not sure if that is contributing.

My company isn't the understanding kind, if I go off sick no-one can pick up the work, they will be so annoyed they will find a way to get me sacked.

I have had therapy and CBT before but never felt like it really helped. I have tried to access help another couple of times but was functioning too well and not deemed "bad enough" for a referral.

There is no quick fix I guess yet I don't feel like I can do another day like today.

I have just tried to do some work to get ahead for tomorrow and my brain cannot focus at all and I couldn't make sense of anything. Let's hope it is better in the morning.

I'm sorry you are going through this OP.

I had something similar with everything being incredibly stressful and overwhelming (though I don't have OCD which must be incredibly hard). My brain just couldn't function anymore. I woke up in the middle of the night to try and complete some work that had an upcoming deadline and I was so dizzy I nearly collapsed. It was a wake up call.

I booked a GP appointment who identified burnout and I went to HR with the info. I ended up changing my job role. I'm paid less but totally worth saving my health for.

Please do see a GP. Join a work union if you can to get some protection over work firing you. Be clear with work about what you can and can't do. Definitely look for another job if it is do-able and you can afford to change. Obviously not an immediate solution but might offer some relief.

I hope you are getting the right help managing your OCD. There might be someone with some knowledge on that able to offer some advice on that.

Thank you so much. I did manage to sleep until 5am and I have since frantically been trying to find a solution to my work issue and getting increasingly panicked there isn't one. I'm almost tempted to preemptively quit to be honest, just to make it stop.

My chest is so tight and I can't breathe.i did start looking for another job a few weeks ago, not intensely but I did apply for a couple of jobs and got rejected which really knocked my confidence. It makes me feel even more stuck. I have really competent friends in the same industry who were made redundant months ago and are still out of a job. It is really scary.

I asked your age because extreme anxiety is a common side effect of perimenpause.

Six or so months ago I was suffering terribly with anxiety. I was heaving like I was going to be sick every morning because my stomach was churning from anxiety. I couldn't sleep, and I had a feeling something terrible was going to happen. I had major brain fog and I felt like I couldn't function. I went to the doctor's (fortunately saw a female doctor who happened to be a menopause specialist). I'm now medicated, and I feel like a different person. I am a similar age to you.

It may not be this for you. It could just be burnout. I know it's scary, but you are entitled to put your health before a job and there are employment laws to protect you.

sorry youre going through this. i had a breakdown and ended up with M.E.

How do you mean your house is contaminated? with what? is this just your ocd?

what i would do is tell my boss that due to xyz the dates need changed or the product needs tweaked or whatever it is. Fuck them if they can understand that this happens to everyone at some point as there are others involved snd it has a knock on effect and it’s just life.

keep looking for a new job. they sound awful.

get to the gp and get medicated. eat healthily. try and take your mind off it at the weekend. the job will be there when we are gone. it’s just a job as they say. Alrhough it duesnt feel like it when you just want it all to work out ok.