Help me reply. Scared..

[Dddaddd]

Ex messaged asking why i have taken him to csa. There has been a previous incident of violence head-butting his partner a couple of months ago. I’m worried about retaliation and don’t want to escalate things.

Can anyone help me with a reply that explains but closes the conversation. But also wont make him more angry.

Edit to say im scared of him turning up at my door. So I would rather sort it out via message. I don't want to be in the situation of calling the police.

I need the money for <child>.

Leave it there.

Personally I wouldn't reply at all.

I don’t think you need to respond to this. I mean there is only one thing which the CSA does.

I edited my post after your reply.

I need to say something to avoid him turning up to my house.

All you can do is be as prepared as possible, I don't think a message will be here nor there wrt that.

Do you have a ring doorbell? Do you keep your door locked?

How often does he see your child? Does he live nearby?

Agree with others, you don’t have to respond but if you want to, then I’d also say “the money is to support (child name). Gets. Ring doorbell and if he turns up, call the police.

A Ring doorbell would be a good idea and keep doors locked. Other than that you can’t stop him coming round and he won’t change. Has he done anything whereby some kind of restraining order could be issued?

I don't have a ring door bell. Also i would rather him angry over messages. Rather than coming to my door. I would rather avoid being in the position of having to call the police. I dont want my younger children seeing that. And I don't want dd effected by it either.

Maybe "It's so they can collect your contribution towards what your child needs - food, clothes, nursery/after school clubs, uniform/nappies (delete as appropriate) trips, toys etc. Children are expensive and both parents have to contribute towards them. By using CSA the correct amount is deducted and we don't have to debate or argue about it."

'(Child) needs financial support. It's best to let CSA calculate what's fair so we don't need to get into a debate'.

And leave it at that.

If he had been providing for his child regularly I'm guessing there would be no need for CSA, so it's of his own doing that they're involved now.

Did you contact the CSM because you couldnt reach a agreement re child maintenance or because of a change?
Does he see the child/children?
What is your relationship with him like otherwise?

I don't have a ring door bell
I would seriously think about getting one if you are worried about him.

“It’s just a way of organising it which means we don’t have to decide between us how much it is, they decide an amount that’s fair for you to pay based on your wages.”

Sounds stressful @Dddaddd but you need to provide more info to get some help.
Does your ex have any custody? Is he currently paying you anything now?

Whatever you text will irritate him

Dont bother replying

If he plans to come he will come anyway

If he does do not open the door - tell him to leave or u will call the police

You don't need to reply, he can communicate with the CSA

Get a ring doorbell and if he turns up and is aggressive, call the police. I know you say you don't want to involve the police but if he is aggressive, what else would you suggest?

He is required to contribute towards his child's needs. Just say that, or nothing. Is he likely to come round threatening you,?

If you're scared he could get violent and come round your house then tell the police. Can you go to a friend or family's house just for a while while you explain to the police he's harassing you? They'll probably advise you not to respond to him at all. He knows why you needed to go to CSA. Because has failed to pay for his children.