Overdid it due to frustration and now really unwell

[MademyselfIll]

I have autism and ME. I recently got so frustrated with my situation that I started trying to put myself in the situations that caused me to be overwhelmed thinking I could get used to it. I tried to do more physically as just felt useless and frustrated. I’m only just coming out of a 3 week post exertional exhaustion episode and am now in total autistic burnout. I’m so angry at myself but I was so frustrated.

For 2 of the 3 weeks i couldn’t even lift my phone or a glass of water. I was in hospital for 3 days as developed a really bad infection . My body and mind just can’t cope and I can’t explain how frustrating it is. Have I made things worse for myself or is it better I tried to push and see if I could do more? I have support from a therapist but I feel like at 40 I’m just useless

You're not useless.

What kind of therapist are you seeing? What qualifications and expertise do they have?

Have you discussed how exposure therapy works? It should only be small gradual steps that are enough to make you feel uncomfortable but not so much that they are unbearable. Then you repeat them until they stop being uncomfortable and only then do you take the next step up the ladder to something more.

Otherwise you push yourself too far and do more harm than good. Breaking yourself doesn't achieve anything positive.