Thoughtful gift for bereaved friend (not the usual flowers etc)

[Crunchymum]

An old friend of mine had sadly just lost her second parent.

I can't make it to the funeral but I want to send a gift. Something thoughtful but for my friend - something to symbolises hope and strength.

So far I'm drawing a blank. Any suggestions very welcome.

Depends on the type of person they are. I didn't want pretty symbolic gifts - I needed practical help at the time- food and help with cleaning around the house when I was too exhausted/ upset to do it.
Would you ask her what she'd like from you?

I absolutely wouldn’t want a gift. It’s a weird thing to buy a gift for. But why don’t you make plans to see her once the dust settles and give her a chance to talk about everything?

How about a silver locket, that she could wear with photos of both parents in?
After I lost my mum, dear friend bought me a rose bush for the garden, which was lovely.
Another bought me a lovely candle, which I lit next to a photo of my dad, after he passed.
You’re a lovely, thoughtful friend @Crunchymum x

Do you live close enough to do something practical like drop some meals around, or meet up for a walk / coffee / glass of wine etc?

Maybe what @Boxiboxi21 suggested. I also read it’s good to specify rather than ask generally. “How could I help?” Puts more onus on than

“I was going to bring some food round, would a stew be OK?”
. That gives your friend scope to say great yes please,
thanks but I’m fine for food,
not at the moment I’ve got lots of people here helping but it would be great later
or could you bring a salad as my aunt is a vegetarian and I have nothing

I honestly don’t think gifts are needed when someone dies.

Appreciate the thoughts.

I am not sending her a gift to commemorate her parent. Just wanted to send her something to kind of say 'you got this' / 'there are brighter days ahead' if that makes sense.

I lost my mum incredibly suddenly and unexpectedly a few years ago so I get grief is individual and I don't want to do anything to upset her or compound her grief. It wasn't a sudden death and she's been very philosophical about it all - as she was during her parents illness.

I know her very well and think this is something she'd appreciate. I just can't think what I can send to convey the intended message.

I also wouldn’t want symbolic gifts. It’s an exhausting time and a gift that lightened the load was most appreciated when I lost my Mum. Friends gave me Just Eat vouchers, a cooked meal for the freezer, an offer to mow the lawn, or babysitting - all of which were gratefully accepted.

I have sent this to close friends who were bereaved. I think it did a good job of letting them know they were in my thoughts and prayers.
https://www.angelanddove.com/products/pewter-acorn-charm-sympathy-gift

I’ve seen a lovely remembrance candle on the Rituals website which might be nice.

I second a lovely candle or maybe a rose plant for the garden perhaps?

My friend sent me a lovely rose for my garden. I really love it and I found it very thoughtful. But depends on your friend of course and time she likes roses and has a garden.

I gave my best friend a bracelet she could wear on the day of funeral and know I was thinking of her.

I get we are all different, I just think this particular friend will appreciate the intention.

I lost my mum recently and my best friend sent me a voucher for just eat so I could order food and not have to worry about cooking.

Agree with this. Vouchers from "Cook", home made soup, offers of lifts - these were of more help and value to me than anything symbolic would have been.

Best bereavement gifts I received were - delivery of cake, a fruit basket and a pot of flowers for the garden. Also handwritten letters of memories.

Do you have any good photos of her parent then that you can get copies made of?

I think this is too personal (if that makes sense)

I'm more looking at something for friend to show I'm thinking of her / reminding her to keep strong etc. Something for her separate from her parent.

I had no idea this would be so controversial though. Some people seem very set against it. I can assure you I think my friend would appreciate the sentiment.

I'm not close location wise so cannot offer practical help.

When my mum died (very sudden heart attack, she never made it to the ambulance) people were very kind but I got so fed up of accepting deliveries. I sound so ungrateful but a lot of things I was sent involved me a) needing to be in to accept a delivery and / or b) needing to find another vase.

I just want something that can go through friends letterbox and not trouble her at all. But something to let her know I am sending her love and light.

I think I may stick to a card at this point.

Appreciate all the suggestions people have made though. So thanks 😊

My cousin sent me these little Remembrance Candles when my mum died. The set comes with 5 candles but you have the option to add more and to have a thoughtful little message added too.

I thought they were a lovely gift which encouraged me to slow down for a little bit and just watch the flame. I was given another 10 candles with mine, and for me I felt like I was almost giving myself 'permission' to do nothing for a while.

You sound like a really thoughtful friend.

Something consumable - that avoids the dreaded “another bunch of flowers”. you can get brownies or tiffin in the mail. Or bath soaks / shower melts. Or some nice tea (tea pigs, not loose leaf, so low faff).

When my mum died my friend sent me a stuffed toy of my favourite animal. It was so thoughtful and really helped. Would they appreciate something like that? Or stuffed toy of parents favourite animal?

do you have any samples of the parent’s handwriting?

My friend sent me a weighted blanket during my early grief and it was so thoughtful and I used it so much.

My best friend got me a tricky Lego set when my Dad died. Probably sounds a really bizarre choice to most people, but I truly appreciated it because it gave me something to concentrate on that wasn’t funeral arrangements, and it kept my brain calm so I got a break from endless sobbing. Your friend might be very different, so I’d only suggest that if she would likely react like I did.