Please help me decide about moving

[manifestationmama]

I’ve posted about this before, but I’m still completely torn. I think I’ve got paralysis by analysis now and desperately need some advice / experiences.

We need to upsize and I’d like to do it sooner rather than later. I feel like we’re currently stood still, and I’d like to be settled in a forever home, except, we are completely torn about where we live.

eldest child has gone to a secondary which is an hours bus journey away. This is because the local secondary’s couldn’t meet her needs. It is incidentally our home town and we have family there, so it didn’t feel scary to send her there and she is thriving. The school is also the best in the county.

my youngest is year 4. He doesn’t have additional needs, so could potentially go to the local secondary to our current house where vast majority of his primary friends will go. However, the school isn’t as good, pastoral care non existent and I feel he is outgrowing his friends. We feel our eldests school would be a much better fit for him.

if we move back to our hometown, we do take away that choice from him in terms of secondary because of catchment. The facilities also aren’t as good as where we currently are (although we don’t use that many of them if im honest). We can also get more house for our money in our hometown and it’s in a more green area. Both children would be able to then walk to school / socialise once at secondary. However, travel to higher education other than the 6th form (like college) would be tricky if the current bus/ travel links don’t improve. (They aren’t great currently but due to the masses of new builds in the area I hope they will improve)

however, it feels scary to go back to our hometown. It’s a bit more isolated. I would drive my son to his current primary for the next 2 years so he doesn’t have to move primary’s either way (he really doesn’t want to as we’ve broached this before and it’s only a 20 min car journey)

there are so many pluses but also cons that I am completely paralysed and can’t make a decision. We have a viewing of a home with loads of potential and at a great price in our hometown this week and I think I’m more scared that I’ll love it than not!

please help me decide!!!

move on

I would move back to your hometown, from what you’ve written there are more pros than cons.
However as a child who moved schools a lot I always feel quite strongly about children not being moved unnecessarily because I found it so hard (I’m not saying all children do but it’s something that really affected me.) So if your DC is keen to stay at their current school & it’s practical for you to do this then that sounds like a good compromise. Hopefully they will make friends in the new town & can make the transition to secondary school more easily.

yes, not suggesting a new primary I’m happy to
take him there regardless, but he wouldn’t know anyone or many people when he started secondary. My eldest didn’t, but that wasn’t as important for her

From the outside looking in it seems a complete no brainer to move back to your home town.

This time in the future "Both children would be able to then walk to school / socialise once at secondary" sounds like heaven for you all. Anything after that period will be an open book you can work out nearer the time.

@SaulJunctionthanks. Appreciate the insight. I don’t think I’m thinking things through rationally anymore and feel terrified it’s the wrong decision.

Sounds like moving back to your hometown is the best option long term.
Could your youngest join some after school/weekend activities once you're moved and settled so he could get to know some of the local kids he'll be at secondary school with?

@whatwasthatnoise that would definitely be the plan although the clubs and activities that he is currently most involved with are based near our current home. With no traffic it’s a 20 min drive but in traffic could be double that. So we’re not talking about a big relocation. But it feels huge