How to tell my family I don’t want to see them after having my baby?

[RayaWin]

Due my first in 4/5 weeks. I’m not close to my family although we do speak now and then. They have only made more effort in that last 2 weeks, because they know i’m due soon.

How do i tell them that I have no interest in them visiting, whilst also not starting WW3? They are the kind to show up unannounced so i need to be absolutely clear. I don’t mind seeing them as and when later down the line, but have no interest in playing happy families immediately after the baby is here

You could not tell them baby has arrived until you are ready to see them?

When you announce baby has arrived, you can say something like:

Baby arrived yesterday and we are all doing well. Still in the hospital and not looking for visitors while we are on the ward. We will let you know when we are home and ready for visitors.

Hi everyone, we got home yesterday. Right now we just want some time as a family of 3 to get used to everything, and I have various midwife and health visitor appointments coming up. Please don't drop round until we let you know when, but we are very excited for you to meet him/her soon.

And then maybe you will need to concede that once you are home and if they are the type of people to just drop round, you may need to ignore the doorbell or turn them away at the door if they do turn up. Or you let them come over for an hour or so and then send them on their way, just to get it over with.

Don’t tell them.

(for a while, not forever)

I wouldn't say anything much to them yet. In any case, you don't know how you are going to feel about it once the baby arrives.

Just don’t mention anything until you’re ready for visitors. If you’re not close anyway then they won’t know any different but specifically making an issue of it now unless you do it very carefully is likely to get backs up and may affect relationships in the future.

Hopefully everything will go well for you both in terms of health and support but you can’t know now how the birth will be and whether either of you might struggle and be in need of family around you later down the line. You also don’t want to shut down the relationship they might have with your little one.

I have friends who were unnecessarily restrictive with family when their baby was young, I think due to health anxiety on mum’s part but they complain now he’s older that family don’t show an interest and they never get any child free time. I think there is a balance to be struck.

They will likely message once the baby has arrived to ask how you are so just say then you will let them
no when ready for visitors.

You are perfectly entitled to see who you want to whenever it suits you. However don’t be surprised when your family have little or no interest in your child if you are going to keep them at arms length. Will your DH family be allowed to come round or is it no visitor at all?

Just be clear about when you will be ready to see them. Whether it’s two weeks or six weeks, just communicate that.

Just say we will not be accepting ANY visitors in the first few weeks, whilst we navigate our new family. We didn’t have any visitors for the first week when I had my first and everyone was fine about it

Just let them come and see the baby if not for your sake but for your babies. It’s their family too and important they bond.
say a day and time and don’t offer anything other than a cup of tea if you want to limit the visit. Wider family is important and relationships are too

Don't say what you don't want, set out what you're going to do.

'Just so you know, I'm planning to have a very quiet month/year/decade after the baby is born, with no visitors.'

If they turn up unannounced, don't answer the door.

Don’t tell anyone you had the baby for a few days.

Has something bad happened with your family? Are they abusive or unkind? Have you fallen out? If not, then honestly, I just wouldn’t be this precious about it. If you don’t want them around during the first week, then fair enough. But if you’re talking about keeping them away for weeks, they’re likely going to be offended and potentially upset.

Highly recommend a Ring doorbell so you can ignore any unwanted visitors and claim you couldn’t answer as you/ baby were asleep.

this. Context matters.

You’ve got a few options

1. don’t tell them baby has arrived and then tell them a week later, tell them you were exhausted after birth and needed time to heal before telling anyone. Then say they can pop over to see baby in a week or so time.

2. tell them in advance that you don’t want visitors for a couple of weeks. “You’re welcome to come and visit but we want a couple of weeks as a family first”

3. tell them in advance and tell them why “You’re welcome to come and visit after a couple of weeks but I don’t want you round immediately. We’ve only just got back into contact so I’m just prioritising myself and new baby first”

The OP doesn’t need to justify herself to anyone

Mine were a month old before I announced the birth. Bit easier though as they were premature so nobody was expecting them to arrive yet.

We got ahead of it and just did a group invite for a specific date and time once we were ready to deal with visitors.

If no camera, out a note on the door. No cold callers, new baby, please don’t ring/knock.

ring camera is handy because you can mute it 😉

I’m assuming that it’s a somewhat difficult relationship.
How would they react if you set a timeline?For example “looking forward to seeing you x amount of time after the birth”.
You can frame it that you need time to recover (which will be true) rather than that you don’t want to see them.

If the relationship is that bad to begin with, you don't owe even telling them immediately, wait a few days before announcing. Don't worry about WW3, your comfort and healing is the ONLY thing that matters, noone elses feeling are more important than yours at the most vulnerable time of your life. If anyone gets upset they just need to grow up, and not make it about them.

You can also state at the hospital you won't be allowing visitors. Safeguarding rules means they cannot let anyone in if you dont approve. Even the dads have to be buzzed in!

Even now I would be making it clear "we will need space initially to bond, establish breastfeeding (if that's the plan), and heal after the birth. We will invite you when we are ready". Nobody but the parents need to bond with baby in those first few weeks.

I'm guessing nobody has keys to your house? In that case close the curtains, turn off your doorbell, and ignore any uninvited visitors!