What does loneliness feel like to you

[Haveringon]

Feeling very lonely as OH is away for a few days. I’m retired, don’t have anyone to hang out with and haven’t been well. I just feel very bleak and purposeless. He’s having a great time, I’m glad. However I feel desperately lonely. I don’t have the energy to do much as I’m recovering from some lurgy.
What does it feel like to you and how do you cope with it?

I'm glad you asked this, OP, as I genuinely don't understand what people mean by "loneliness". Your post implies that it's just "being alone", and yet lots of us are thrilled to have a few days to ourself.
Why do you need to be with someone else all the time?
If you're retired (as I am) what sort of purpose do you think you need? I'm sorry if I have misunderstood, but you make it sound as if having your husband around is the only thing that gives you any happiness.... surely that can't be right?
What about friends, hobbies, travel, books, volunteering, family, faith, interests, sports etc etc? All of these things can be enjoyed whether or not your partner is at home, or is away.

When you're invisible to people around you.

For me it’s a constant low ache and sense of longing that ebbs and flows.

I try not to think about it too much or I’ll spiral and upset myself.

I have 0 friends, nobody to talk to who isn’t my parents or my DH. So I long for all the things I feel I’ve missed out on.

I’ve never had a girls holiday, been to a hen do, a baby shower or a wedding of a friend, no friend Xmas parties or anyone to grab a coffee with.

if I don’t think about it it’s bearable.

Actually I couldn’t wait for him to go ! I was desperate for some time alone. I just feel demotivated, bored, the days drag. Yesterday I got all sorts of things done but today I have felt exhausted most of the time. Partly because I don’t feel well. I love alone time normally but realise how empty my life is generally.

I don’t want to stay where we are living , have no real friends. It’s hard.

Those are both very good descriptions and also very sad. Being invisible really hit home. I can’t talk to my parents as one is dead and the other treats me like a personal secretary with no interest in my feelings.

Like boredom partly, and the loss of a sense of connection. I'm dreading my son moving out, which looks like it will be this year. Then it will just be me and my adored cat.

@professionalhomebody I understand how you feel. I haven't had friends in a few years due to some circumstances. But I don't really think about it or get upset about it. I just feel like I don't really have a life. I do have family and get on very well with my nieces partner.

To me loneliness makes me feel vulnerable.. it stirs up lots of emotions it makes me scared and sad.. makes me feel like no one cares and I’m forgotten about

Like big heavy despair ache in my chest. I was very very lonely for a large part of my childhood and only get occasional after pangs fifty odd years later. I notice it in others though and it hurts to see.

Yep

I don't think I really get lonely, I lived alone in a different part of the UK for a year while doing my masters and while I did miss my partner and family I was not lonely. I now work from home all week alone and only see and speak to my partner in the evenings. I often don't utter a word all day. I've done this for 16 years now and its fine. I have a high preference for being alone I do see my friend every few months and if anything happened to my partner I'd be devastated and probably lonely then.

A physical pain in my chest, longing and also anger at other people who have partners/families.
Some feelings of shame too.

It’s never too late to make a friend. Do something kind for someone and they might become your friend! Never give up snf settle for loneliness as humans are social animals

I just used to go for offers / cinema on my own and envy everyone else there with mates… but looked more closely and not everyone had friends! Take a good book for example for dinner and the waiting staff are friendly to you when alone

Loneliness makes me feel like I have no place to be and nothing to contribute, like I am a black hole sucking up air and space and giving nothing back.

If I have a purpose or an interest, I don't feel lonely, even when I am alone. The worst loneliness is the loneliness of being misunderstood, or overlooked and cast aside by the person who is supposed to cherish you.

I reach out a comforting hand to you, OP. There are so many people in their separate homes, often 'leading lives of quiet desperation' - many of us need connection and mutual purpose.

When I am lonely, sometimes I stroke my head gently and remember how it felt when my mother did that. She was not an openly affectionate person, and she was difficult and unhappy, but when she was old, she used to gently stroke my head with her gnarled, weak, arthritic fingers, and it felt like the opposite of loneliness. Can you do that for yourself? Or a similar gesture that reminds you of a love that is unconditional and infinite?

Do you remember the 'mind my worries' thread on mumsnet years ago? Maybe we can mind your loneliness.

I agree with feeling as if you have no purpose and just boredom. I have a very low boredom threshold and though I do like reading I have always preferred hobbies that are not solo.

I grew up with 5 siblings so was in a busy house and I think though time alone is great, an ideal day that’s half filled with lots of people and half alone is perfect for me.

I think it's having no one to share your news with or have your back. You worked hard yesterday and probably overdid it a little bit as you've been ill so run down. A days rest and you'll probably feel fine again. You could stay on PJ's in morning watching some Netflix then haha lunch and go for a little walk. Play relaxing music, have a bath and an early night.

When you're surrounded by people you can't connect with, that's loneliness for me.

So many moving messages here. I’m sending you all a big hug. It’s a sad thing so many people feel lonely.