I’m a reasonably intelligent woman. Degree educated, in a professional job. I’m a mum. Fairly responsible.
I am a daydreamer, probably a bit of an introvert. I find a lot of workplace / school gate conversations either a bit stressful (I feel very insecure) or sometimes things that I don’t find that interesting but am happy to chat about.
But for years I’ve had this thing where I worry that I’m not expressive enough and that I look bored / am boring. Like that cartoon dog, I can’t remember his name, the one with the really hangdog expression and boring voice.
So I always put on a big smile, act overly interested, overly animated, and to be honest, probably a bit ditzy. I focus so hard on appearing interested and engaged that sometimes I lose focus on what the person is actually saying.
It’s taken me until 44 years old to realise that sometimes I speak to people who don’t smile and giggle and nod, they just listen. And then respond with a thoughtful comment or question that proves they were listening.
And this is what I should have been doing. For years.
I’ve got some friends and I get on fine with colleagues. But I’m only just realising how fake this whole charade has probably made me look.
Can’t quite understand or believe I’ve done this for so long.