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Original poster

DD devastated for not being picked at her favourite sport

50 replies

February2026 · 23/02/2026 18:00

DD8 is in a prep school. She has some mild SEN (a bit literal and slightly younger in her interactions) but doing very well across all subjects.

They are forming the sports teams now and she loves Netball. She has been playing it since Y1 and is pretty good at it. Shes also one of the tallest in her class. School has played against other schools several times in the last couple of months and she was the only one who scored on her team.

Today she came home absolutely devastated that there is a tournament at the end of this week and she is one of the few girls who didn't get chosen to take part. She's absolutely devastated 💔 and I'm devastated for her.

How do you deal with this? I'm just concerned it will put her off sport completely. She already doesn't like hockey or football.

OP posts:
Flyndo · 23/02/2026 18:03

Commiserate with her and encourage her to keep working at her netball. If she has already played several matches for the school maybe it's someone else's turn.

Original poster
February2026 · 23/02/2026 18:06

Flyndo · 23/02/2026 18:03

Commiserate with her and encourage her to keep working at her netball. If she has already played several matches for the school maybe it's someone else's turn.

No, it was the whole Y3 playing friendly matches. Now it's a proper tournament, so they are picking only some of the girls.

OP posts:
AllJoyAndNoFun · 23/02/2026 18:07

If the school isn't large enough to field multiple teams within a year group then at that age they do have to let everyone have turns in the spirit of participation. Otherwise some kids will literally do nothing on match days- say there are 12 girls and it's always the same 9, what do the other 3 do in netball term?

Also, honestly, they have to get used to it. DD has been "best on the B's" a lot and it's just life.

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Saffronyy · 23/02/2026 18:08

I personally feel it’s too early to be selective as it puts children off sports. At this age it should be fun. I am from a different country and this early selection at sports amongst other things, I really dislike about childhood in this country.

ShredderQueen · 23/02/2026 18:10

She needs to learn some resilience.

She is disappointed.

She should not be describing this...and nor should you...as absolutely devastated.

If she/you cannot handle this, how will she stand a chance of dealing with the rest of life's knocks?

MoreMaths · 23/02/2026 18:12

i’m sure she’s disappointed and it’s ok to feel like that. It happens for all sorts of reasons and if it’s a tournament there may be a cap on how many players they can have in the squad.

I’d let her ‘wallow’ for a short while but then try to talk about how she has a choice here - she can either give up netball, choose another sport or work hard to be picked for the team for another match. She’s still little, usually at that age I’d expect school to give everyone a chance to represent the school, her time will come. It’s a good lesson to learn in resilience, it just feels rubbish for both of you right now.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 23/02/2026 18:13

Sympathise with her and acknowledge how she feels and help her to move on. It’s rubbish when they are sad but this is just a normal part of life. Can she not join a team out of school?

thecomedyofterrors · 23/02/2026 18:15

Does she play with a team outside school? You can’t rely on school to fulfil your child’s dreams.

Original poster
February2026 · 23/02/2026 18:16

Saffronyy · 23/02/2026 18:08

I personally feel it’s too early to be selective as it puts children off sports. At this age it should be fun. I am from a different country and this early selection at sports amongst other things, I really dislike about childhood in this country.

Yes, I'm from a different country too and I do find this very early to deal with at the age of 8.

OP posts:
Funkylights · 23/02/2026 18:17

She may be up against seasoned club players

EvangelineTheNightStar · 23/02/2026 18:20

Is she thinking that she should be picked as she’s better, or that everyone should be on the team and players switched?

StormyLandCloud · 23/02/2026 18:33

It’s time to learn some life lessons, take her through it so she learns to deal with disappointment

Saffronyy · 23/02/2026 18:34

StormyLandCloud · 23/02/2026 18:33

It’s time to learn some life lessons, take her through it so she learns to deal with disappointment

Out of interest, why is it time to learn these life lessons at 8? OPs child just wants to be included in something she enjoys. Why should always the best ones be included at this tender age?

BackToRealitySigh · 23/02/2026 18:39

Not everyone can be picked for everything.
Primary school is excellent for learning that!

Unless you know the criteria they used for choosing then you don't know whether it was random name generator or your daughter wasn't good enough and they want the best group to try and win the tournament.
If she can - get your daughter to ask what she can do to get picked next time because she loves netball.

tinyspiny · 23/02/2026 18:40

Not everyone can make the team , that is life . Don’t be the parent that makes a fuss .

Aphroditesangel · 23/02/2026 18:43

Learning to deal with disappointment is an important life lesson. You need to be working with her to develop resilience. There’s plenty of time for her to get on the team.

Franpie · 23/02/2026 18:46

This is a good lesson for her. If she wants to excel in team sports then she needs to learn that sometimes you’re not picked for whatever reason. She needs to trust the coaches and want what’s best for the team.

My DD (age 16) generally plays in the A teams for all her school sports and has done since she was your DD’s age. But sometimes she’s not picked or she’s selected for the B team. You’ve just got to roll with it and trust the coaches.

CurlewKate · 23/02/2026 18:47

Sadly you chose the sort of school that does this sort of thing. You can only commiserate, tell her it’s absolutely fine to be disappointed and maybe she’ll be picked next time.

Drivingmissrangey · 23/02/2026 18:49

This is pretty standard for preps. Everyone plays in weekly fixtures but they typically only enter one team for tournaments so only a few get selected for those.

Time to start encouraging some resilience OP.

ParisianLady · 23/02/2026 18:53

Oh that’s tough but I’m afraid that’s just part of life at school.

My DS went from the As one year to the Cs the next. He was gutted but we didn’t go anywhere near any chat on it being unfair. We trusted the selection process, they want the best players after all, and advised him to work hard and keep practicing. They pick the best players and he’ll need to be better to get selected for the A team. In the meantime he can enjoy playing in the other team.

In your DDs case I hope you can encourage her to continue to play and enjoy it, and perhaps she can ask a teacher ‘how can I improve my game?’ That should offer her practical advice and show her to be mature and dedicated.

Spirallingdownwards · 23/02/2026 18:55

Saffronyy · 23/02/2026 18:08

I personally feel it’s too early to be selective as it puts children off sports. At this age it should be fun. I am from a different country and this early selection at sports amongst other things, I really dislike about childhood in this country.

Ir seems that the DD was chosen before and now they are choosing others- to make it fair on those not selected last time.

cobrakaieaglefang · 23/02/2026 18:59

If the school, being a prep, use sports as part of their 'marketing' they should be demonstrating development. Fielding kids who go to clubs out of school and claiming their achievements for themselves are dishonest. Taking a child from unable to play to playing for school ( and above) is achievement for the school. Unfortunately independents are notorious for dishonesty in sports.

yorkshiretoffee · 23/02/2026 19:05

February2026 · 23/02/2026 18:16

Yes, I'm from a different country too and I do find this very early to deal with at the age of 8.

Show quote history

How would you choose the team?

MagpiePi · 23/02/2026 19:12

Saffronyy · 23/02/2026 18:34

Out of interest, why is it time to learn these life lessons at 8? OPs child just wants to be included in something she enjoys. Why should always the best ones be included at this tender age?

Show quote history

The OP can’t pretend it hasn’t happened so what should she do? Encourage her DD to feel devastated? Will that change the fact that she wasn’t picked?
How about the girl that gets kicked off the team so that the OP’s DD gets to play? Is that fair?

QuickBlueKoala · 23/02/2026 19:17

If has nothing to do with ability in year 3. In our school selection are semi random (my football hating son would love them to be ability based).
So, her time will come. It tends to get a bit more ability based in year 5/6, but before its more to make sure everyone gets the opportunity.