DD stressed facing A Levels what can I do to help

[Resprayingmyaferraris]

I've suggested she tries school counsellor and pastoral but I'm wondering what I can do eg reflexology ? Massage ? Head massage ? She's 18 and never had anything like that ...acupuncture?
Also.suggested yoga and breathing but that's not floating her boat.

Can you chat to her to find out exactly what is stressing her? My DD found getting her notes organised helped her massively and I helped her create a spreadsheet/table that laid out the aspects of the syllabus per paper that she needed to cover for each subject. Sometimes seeing everything laid out clearly reduces the stress levels when they see they know more than they first thought. Or where makes most sense to target learning. Would that help maybe? DD also used a (paid for) flash card app which also helped along with quizlet type apps. She also used another app which grew a flower providing she didn’t touch her phone for periods of time which helped her not get distracted during study periods. The pomodoro technique for study focus really worked for her.

As I used to say to her, IME A levels are the most stressful set of exams she’ll ever have to sit so it’s normal to feel overwhelmed. There will be specific reasons for each student why they are so stressed- they might be kidding themselves as to how much work they’ve really done (DD used to do that) and often procrastinate- “I’ll start once I’ve tidied my room/organised my books” etc… you sound like a lovely Mum so just listen to her worries and try and suggest something that might work to help her resolve it. A massage is a lovely idea but it won’t be relaxing if she isn’t opening up about the things that are bothering her. School counsellor is a great shout if she can’t open up to you. Or a mindful app maybe? I hope you get things resolved for her - my best advice is to keep talking - at this stage, the end of June can’t come soon enough!

My DD went through this last year - she actually ended up barely in school and I am amazed she made it to the exams.

she actually deferred uni for a year - part of it was tied into going away I think and not feeling ready for that.
we ended up seeing a gastro consultant as she kept feeling sick and she got heavy duty sickness meds
She tried CBT but she didn’t like it
Speak to school - they were really supportive. She got a toilet pass and also a place at the back of the room so she didn’t feel hemmed in.

@Netaporter thank you for your kind message.
She just said she can't handle stress !
I've tried to help her open up her perspectives on it she won't listen

She's an incredible students and is on for a stars !.she's got all her revision down to t but she had this paralysis for her mocks and I'm concerned it will happen again
She feels it's too big
I've said to her worse case she can resist

@snowymarbles she won't let me talk to them and getting to speak to anyone like a therapist takes ages and we don't have that time.

I'm not sure what other help I would buy in ?

Eg counsellor ? Pyscology?

Is she a perfectionist?
Many girls are trapped into a sense of needing to be perfect, get top grades, etc and it's crushing their ability to take risks and have a perspective on the impact of their choices.
Do you and she chat easily? I'd go for long walks/drives and really talk this through.
Pressure is self inflicted - although the relentless hype of exam years is hard to escape.
If she's been getting consistent grades then she's in a great position. At this point it's not really about learning more, it's about keeping the knowledge fresh and exam technique. A little bit of stress is good for recall but shouldn't keep you awake at night. Make time for friends, socialising and down time.
What are her plans? Uni, year out, work? Remember exams are just a stepping point to the next place. However she does will be fine really - there will just be the next decision to take.
My DD is a chronic over thinker and was hobbling herself with anxiety. The careers advisor at college gave her the advice to just take the next decision in front of you. She was furious at this (as she wanted all the answers) but actually it is genius. It's massively changed the way she approaches things.
You have to develop a sense and attitude that takes the fear out of failing and wanting to control the future.
I'd tell your DD you have every confidence in her ability and intelligence and will help and support her through revision. But unless she's aiming for elite universities, as long as she does ok, she'll be fine. An frankly, you have to be able to deal with extreme workload pressures at elites so it's not necessarily a good fit for her.
My DD was nudged towards Oxbridge by her college but didn't think the ethos would suit her. She's gone to a solid but unpretentious RG uni and is thriving.

@Beamur @Resprayingmyaferraris

that is so true my daughter is a perfectionist (she cried because her 9’s were only just 9’s in gcse) it wasn’t helped by teachers increasing predicted grades - that was the trigger and I did have a word with school about it - they didn’t need to have been increased as it didn’t affect anything except their internal stats

This is a particular kind of high achiever perfectionist stress when she wants to do herself justice.

It’s important to take the heat off and emphasise wellbeing is much more important than exam results and she will be fine whatever happens.

An online counsellor might help, and relaxing meditations you can find online eg YT can be helpful.

Strongly recommend reflexology. Is she open to it / likes having her feet touched? A big de-stress for sure!

@Beamur wonderful post thank you .yes she is a perfectionist.
I've said most of your post to her ,life goes on many students don't get anywhere near your results and they are fine etc and she can re take or not....we still love her she will still have that amazing knowledge she already has and that ability etc.

The decision in front is great idea ! I will defiantly mention that and other points I have not. Thank you.
The school didn't mention oxbdidge but they are very very pushy
.

@Aluna thank you ,yes good idea to keep stressing that.