How do you actually leave someone?

[Ohyeahitsme]

DH and I have been together 20years, married 12 and have 2 primary age kids, pets, mortgage and some debt separate to the mortgage.

We need to separate.

But how do you practically go about it? What ducks do I need to have in a row before we do?

No one?

I'm not sure there is a set way. Do you have an income? Can you afford to rent somewhere or would he willingly leave and let you stay in the house until you could sort finances?

I am just at the start of a separation and we've agreed my husband will move out and rent somewhere until we finalise what to do with the family home, it's unlikely I can afford it alone. I'm looking at promotions but honestly my head is a mess and the thought of interviewing and trying to start a more intense job whilst keep my children feeling secure feels too much.

That’s something you agree between you. Or one of you just starts on their own track. There isn’t a handbook. It’s very much depends on your situation. I split from my xH and we lived separately in the same house for 5 months while he bought me out and then I moved. If you were in rented it’d be different. It’s also be different if one wasn’t in the position to buy the other out as the house would need to be sold.
You start living separately. No meals together, no joint shopping, separate sleeping arrangements…
You have round and round conversations about what happens next.
you agree how to deal with things with the kids.

1. Collect Information about your finances - bank accounts, pensions, debts, mortgage etc.
2. Go and talk to a divorce lawyer.
3. Get an idea of your house value and assume you will get half
4. Check the cost of temporary flat - one of you will need to know in the short term.
5. Work out how you will support yourself and half of dcs cost. Consider whether you will be eligible for benefits.

When you have a grasp of what is possible, sit him down and tell him you want a divorce.

Then discuss how you will co-parent - will he want 50:50 and rearrange his career to facilitate that?

So to answer a few questions:

Yes, I have a career.

Family home needs to be sold, we cannot afford to rent somewhere and have the family home, it's unaffordability for one of us to remain in it/ one to move out.

Child care would be 50:50.