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Do i carry on assuming friend has seen everything in group chat?

15 replies

Shadeflower · 22/02/2026 14:11

She has at times been a good friend to me; but is prone to a sulk, often becuase of some perceived slight while she had a lot going on elsewhere in her life. E.g her father's ill so she's not coping so well with the rest of life.

Last time it lasted three weeks and was to the extent that although she and her DH came on a trip we'd planned, they booked an alternative hotel rather than share the apartment we'd booked. I.e they paid for two lots of accomodation. The holiday was Ok if a bit strained then, all of a sudden a week later it was as if nothing ever happened and eere all supposed to behave as if nothing ever happened.

This time DH made a joke in the group chat which she's taken exception to. It wasn't particularly funny but it wasn't that bad and it wasn't me!

Since then she hasnt been ro any of our regular meet ups and when ive suggested coffee 121 me and her she hasn't had time, twice, despite me basically giving her a whole week to chose from.

She removed herself from the group we use to arrange social things - which includes 5 other people. Her DH is still in it but hasn't commented on anything since, but then he never did, they're one of those couples where the DW is in charge of the social diary.

DH is admin on the group (ie he set it up) so he got a notification. The others probably don't realise she's not there.

It's all starting to wear a bit thin tbh, do we just carry on and assume her DH is telling her what's going on there, and they don't want to come?

OP posts:
honeyrider · 22/02/2026 14:21

Carry on and don't pander to her moods.

TheSlantedOwl · 22/02/2026 14:22

What was the joke?

Holliegee · 22/02/2026 14:23

Just carry on, don’t pander to her.

NormasArse · 22/02/2026 14:24

Was she the butt of the joke?

Endofyear · 22/02/2026 14:24

Did your DH make a joke about her?

AnneLovesGilbert · 22/02/2026 14:26

She sounds like very hard work. Ignore her sulking, stop suggesting meet ups one on one but carry on in the group chat like normal.

Shadeflower · 22/02/2026 14:31

She was the butt of the joke but it was gentle ribbing, not nasty, and they had previously had a no holds barred bantering realtionship, where she is very much the most "vicious". He got it wrong, but it was much less bad than things she's said to him. (or she's said to others in the group). He'd have apologised if she'd told him she was upset, but she flouced without saying why.

I wouldn't have said it, but it wasn't at all out of the ordinary for what usually passes between them iyswim.

OP posts:
pizzaHeart · 22/02/2026 14:32

I don’t know if she sounds so bad re alternative hotel, maybe she had sleep issues or cried a lot or needed to contact relatives so needed quiet space. I wouldn’t hold against my friends that when they had problems in life they were less positive and chatty. Tbh mine would probably cancel the trip at all.

What was the joke? It does matter.

Shutuptrevor · 22/02/2026 14:34

Nah, don’t pander to her. She can use her words and be a grown up or miss out.

EvangelineTheNightStar · 22/02/2026 14:34

Shadeflower · 22/02/2026 14:31

She was the butt of the joke but it was gentle ribbing, not nasty, and they had previously had a no holds barred bantering realtionship, where she is very much the most "vicious". He got it wrong, but it was much less bad than things she's said to him. (or she's said to others in the group). He'd have apologised if she'd told him she was upset, but she flouced without saying why.

I wouldn't have said it, but it wasn't at all out of the ordinary for what usually passes between them iyswim.

Ah so basically it’s old school happy to give not take!

Shadeflower · 22/02/2026 14:36

pizzaHeart · 22/02/2026 14:32

I don’t know if she sounds so bad re alternative hotel, maybe she had sleep issues or cried a lot or needed to contact relatives so needed quiet space. I wouldn’t hold against my friends that when they had problems in life they were less positive and chatty. Tbh mine would probably cancel the trip at all.

What was the joke? It does matter.

He made a joke insulting her intelligence after she said something that was particularly stupid, but it genuinely was nothing that hadn't been said before and not as bad of some things shes said to him.

I agree re hotel, if they just wanted space, but it came after two weeks of silent treatment becayse I'd cancelled an afternoon out when really unwell.

OP posts:
hellotomrw · 22/02/2026 14:39

So fed up of adults like this. I had a couple of women like this in my life and I just let them get in with it and have little contact now. Life is much more peaceful without treading in eggshells around them

Anonanonanonagain · 22/02/2026 15:00

Shes just attention seeking, I would ignore her and enjoy the silence.

Balloonhearts · 22/02/2026 15:02

I'd just ignore it. Don't acknowledge her absence, just continue as normal.

WallaceinAnderland · 22/02/2026 15:15

I usually phase people like this out of my life. She's just being rude.

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