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Accused of awful things I didn’t do and disliked by family / friends

9 replies

LiedAboutandHurt · 22/02/2026 11:59

My mother has always been abusive. I never told anyone I put up with it and suffered greatly. I still have therapy.

In recent years she has been in very poor health. I went NC at the time of her initial diagnosis as she had been particularly nasty to me. She had made awful allegations telling people I was abusive to her and that she was scared of me and my violence which isn’t true at all, as a teenager I used to fight back when she attacked me but she portrayed these incidents without adding the bits where she starting the attacks on me and I was trying to get her off or defend myself .

She is very manipulative and likes to have a good public image. She was regularly calling me and very nasty so I just ignored her calls. Before Xmas she kept persisting calling over and over late one evening. I assumed she as going to be nasty so I kept cancelling and then turned my phone off .
The next day my sister came round to have a go at me as she had had a fall and was in hospital and she had been trying to get help as I live nearest. I told her she knew I’d been NC for a while and that’s why I ignored the calls and turned phone off.

A couple of days later I saw a friend in a cafe and she had a go at me saying how terrible I was for ignoring my mum who was cold and left on the floor after a fall for hours.
A week later I had calls again from my mother one evening. I ignored it again. 2 hours later an angry message from my sister. Apparently she had called me as was waiting outside the hospital having been discharged and waiting in the cold for someone to collect her. I said there’s no way I would have been doing that and she knows it so this is just manipulation and also my sister should have been checking in with nursing staff and would have then known the discharge day/time?

Various other family members had a go and in the end I sent the same message that I had a terrible childhood that I’m NC and it’s reasonable for me to not be involved. I didn’t deliberately leave her injured I didn’t know.

They won’t even speak to me. Except my aunt who says it’s not fair that I’m not pulling my weight. I’ve now got a different number so nobody will be able to call or message as I’ve had enough.

So family and friends think I’m Violent abusive and have left her after a fall and in the cold at hospital. It’s not remotely the case at all. I feel so isolated now.

OP posts:
TheMorgenmuffel · 22/02/2026 12:02

It sounds like you need a fresh start. Walk away from the friends and family berating you and make other friends.

There's no point trying to explain yourself to them. It sounds like they have the but faaaaamily... mentality, in which case you'd just be wasting your breath.

Motnight · 22/02/2026 12:02

Your family clearly don't think that you are abusive Op or they would be doing all they could to protect your mother from you, as opposed to trying to force you to be in contact again.

I think that you have to ignore your mother's flying monkeys and go NC with the lot of them frankly.

SunsetValley · 22/02/2026 12:07

Agree with the above, I wouldn’t bother with these people again. You should have gone NC with you mother ages ago, she sounds narcissistic - being abusive, denying she did anything and lying that you perpetrated it.

EatYourDamnPie · 22/02/2026 12:13

Let’s be honest here, if they actually believed her and cared about her, they wouldn’t want you anywhere near her, particularly when she’s weak and vulnerable. They’re just pissed off they have to deal with her/her bullshit now , so they’re trying to shame/bully you into picking up the slack againz

WilfredsPies · 22/02/2026 12:49

They won’t even speak to me. Except my aunt who says it’s not fair that I’m not pulling my weight. I’ve now got a different number so nobody will be able to call or message as I’ve had enough No, what’s not fair is that you were abused by your mum and they all believed her lies. Non of them stepped in to help you or protect you. They just left you to it. And the reason they’re so angry with you now is because they’re having to help care for her and they don’t want to. They want to leave it to you. THAT is what is not fair.

These people are not good people. Don’t give anyone your new number. You are absolutely doing the right thing

Endofyear · 22/02/2026 13:36

You've done the right thing stepping away from them all. You don't owe her, or them, anything. She could easily have called your sister or another relative when you didn't answer, she could have asked the receptionist at the hospital to call her a taxi.

If they want to think badly of you, let them. They will likely find out her true nature if they don't know it already. Concentrate on the people in your life who bring joy and comfort and leave those who've accused you in the past.

honeyrider · 22/02/2026 14:27

Utter BS saying she was on a cold floor for hours, if she was able to phone you repeatedly she'd have been able to phone someone else or the emergency services.

Itsmetheflamingo · 22/02/2026 14:30

EatYourDamnPie · 22/02/2026 12:13

Let’s be honest here, if they actually believed her and cared about her, they wouldn’t want you anywhere near her, particularly when she’s weak and vulnerable. They’re just pissed off they have to deal with her/her bullshit now , so they’re trying to shame/bully you into picking up the slack againz

I agree with this. It makes no sense to keep suggesting you should go round and pick her up if they believe you’re abusive.

how about changing your number? Send a message to the sister and family you want to keep in touch with saying you will not be giving the number to your mother as she has been abusive

Genuineweddingone · 22/02/2026 15:16

Sadly she sounds very much like my abusive mother who I am also no contact with as I have been lied about and to and slandered constantly by her to everyone with ears. My father and sister are the only ones who talk to me on either side of the family due to her lies and nastiness and while lonely it is peaceful. We took you to stately homes threads on here are fantastic for support on this.

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