Solo parenting when you’re sick.

[Mylobsterteapot]

I’m in the early stages of adopting as a solo parent. I’ve caught a bad cold and spent yesterday lying in the sofa. I could get up to go to the loo, but much longer and I felt very dizzy and breathless.
What do you do with a small child in this situation? Just accept it will be a day of TV and quiet play, see if a friend could have them, try and solider on?
It’s suddenly made me wonder.

Depends on age of child and lots of things doesnt it? Ultimately you just crack on, do the essentials, leave anything that can wait and take up help if it's available. Then the kid gets it and you're both miserable together!

This is thr worst part of being a solo parent in my opinion.. in most cases I just dose myself up with lemsip etc and do the basics as suggested above. If it’s really bad then I call on friends and family to help. I can remember one particular time when I had norovirus and was literally crawling across the kitchen floor to get my child a drink. Not a pleasant experience!

You learn to just push through. It’s amazing how much inner strength you can find when you don’t have a choice.

im not a solo parent but Dh works away so isn’t here a lot and we have 0 local support.

but yes usually lots of iPad/tv snacks depending on age really.

TV and quiet play.

I think you'd be fairly unpopular if you routinely asked a friend to have a child from a house where there's illness - they might pass it on. Obviously some people will be less bothered than others, but I'd be really cautious as it's a quick way to ruin a friendship, if your child gives their something horrible they've been incubating.

Im not a parent but surely you just crack on?
I still have to do the horses and farm when I’m sick- whether that be a cold, flu, Covid, kidney infections, sickness. I’ve mucked out and done the yard in some pretty horrendous states of illness, in all weathers.

Surely with kids you just try and have a low key day and stay at home if possible? TV, lots of things that can do/play independently?

Yep, TV and power through.

My DH was due to go to Edinburgh to watch the rugby last weekend. It was his brothers 40th birthday weekend. He really deserved a weekend away - works hard and is 50/50 with the kids. I came down with some kind of demon virus. Terrible headcold and temperature. I had DC for 3 days! It was HELL but it involved a lot of TV and oven chips. I managed a short walk with them but that was it! They are 4 and 8 so they can keep themselves amused in the house. You just push through. I wasn’t going to ruin DHs weekend away

I had pneumonia for a week and was bed ridden. My mum came. No idea what I would have done otherwise. Flu type bugs you soldier on as best you can. Have you got anyone you can on on these hopefully rare occasions?

I think it depends on the child. I remember picking up my friends DD and taking her for the day as friend had food poisoning. It was a no brainer for me.

Now I’m a mum via adoption and while I’m not single, it’s a bit different.
I had a sickness bug about 6 weeks after LO came home. DH was on a trip with work.
LO wasn’t familiar enough with anyone for me to send him to someone else to look after so My dm came and basically did the stuff I couldn’t while I lay on the sofa.

It’s bloody hard but you do what you have to do (have since had cough/cold type illnesses and generally make snacks, stick tv on and muddle through while doing as little as possible).

Lie on the sofa and put the tv on. I once took my DC to school and went back to bed setting the alarm so I would wake up and collect them.

You need a village before you do this. Friends or family or other solo mums that you could call for help in an emergency. If you have no one literally no one, and you don’t have the skills to build this network, think carefully about whether you’re the right person to adopt as if something happens to you you don’t want them to be re traumatized all
over again back in the care system

It’s good that you are contemplating this and the hard realities of being a parent. It’s amazing the things you get through as a mum that you've no idea how.

Thanks everyone. Thankfully, I do have friends and family around who could come over and help if needed. I’m very aware I need a village who can be physically around.

Agree with PP on the importance of the village.

My solo adopter friend had to work hard at cultivating her village, and it did involve finding a reliable pseudo-nanny type person who was happy to step in in emergencies.

Do you have family around who would help in an emergency? The single parents by choice I know all have super helpful parents/sisters/cash which helps, but it can be scary if you don't have that.

I'm a single parent but work hard to stay amicable with child's father for basically this reason...

I don’t want to freak you out @Mylobsterteapot but sometimes you really do just have to push on through. I fell when at home with my child, I picked myself up, got on bike and took them to school before going to the hospital because it turned out I’d broken something. In hindsight probably the wrong call but adrenaline and just needing to cope usually goes a long way.

It’s the worst part of being a single mum tbh, either you call in favours from friends and family and hope they’ll help you out or you do the bare minimum to keep them alive!

It helps if you have a few childcare options ie nursery and/or a childminder and can throw money at the problem! Then you drop them off and come home and crawl into bed.

Good luck with adoption.

Not proper solo parenting but I had flu when DD was 13 months. Her nursery was at my work place so she had to stay home with me. I spent a whole week lying on the sofa only getting up to feed her and change her nappy. I barricaded her into the lounge. Never ever want to see Baby Jake again.

I raised 3 DC on my own. I never asked friends or family to have them when ill. Just managed to get through somehow. Admittedly I just had occasional colds and viruses, only one or two bouts of proper flu/covid. Different if you're hospitalised, but manageable otherwise.

I wouldn't say it's essential to have a 'village as such'. Just a backup plan for the school run and a well stocked medicine cupboard/freezer will see you through most things. I once injured my left knee and would have been unable to drive for 6 weeks. Luckily I had an automatic car and could continue.

For a baby, a playpen/travel cot would also be useful as a safe space to play while you feel rotten.