How do I say no without being mean?

[NeededANameChangeAnyway]

My DH and I rarely get out and recently have started going to a local quiz night once a month. A friend found out we go and she now wants to come with us. I don't want to hurt her feelings but I don't want her to come with us, I just want to hang out with DH.

How can I say no? She has asked me via a group WhatsApp which I'm normally very active on.

Although I hate this phrase can you just say it's your date night.

Exactly what I was going to say, including that I hate the term 'date night' 😂

Say what you’ve said here - that you don’t often go out with DH, and this monthly quiz night is something you want to do on your own as a couple.

Tell her that it's your once a month date night, but maybe you could do something together on a different night.

I see her all the time anyway! I had sort of mumbled something about date night when she asked me in person but she's now followed up on WhatsApp. I just feel awkward.

I'll try to be more clear this time!

If she's a friend she will understand. If my friend only had one night out a month with her husband, and explained this, I'd totally understand why she wouldn't want me third wheeling!

She probably assumes you and your husband go out together all the time.....

Just say no sorry it’s date night!

Just tell her that it's your once a month night out with your husband and you want to spend the time as a couple. No need to say sorry either.

How does she ask you? Is it a ‘can I join you in the quiz?’ like she thinks it’s part of a team or, is it ok if it’s me, you and Dave tonight?

It is fine to want to do out just as a couple!

Say sorry its our date night, if she was a decent friend she would understand 😊

Can she not just take herself to the quiz night, without being part of your 'party'?

Yes, this. It's a public night out and she can still have all the fun, hopefully take/meet some (new) friends there... just not on your table!

It’s not mean anyway, especially as you see her a lot. Just msg her direct if you don’t want to reply on the group chat, saying it’s your only time out with DH so just for the two of you. No need to feel bad or justify it any more than that.

Reply:I totally understand wanting to join — quiz nights are fun! 😊 But for us, it’s actually become a little monthly date night, just some one-on-one time together.

I was worried over nothing. I said it was date night and it all seems to be fine. Phew!