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SEN PARENTS SUPPORT GROUP - Thread 1

545 replies

mumofoneAloneandwell · 20/02/2026 15:35

Hey everyone

this is the original thread that was started for half term:
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5491563-half-term-sen-parents-support-group?page=1

but we’re carrying it on since it’s been helpful

all parents of sen kids are welcome - also those who’s sen kids are now adults!

safe space to vent, share advice, tips and tricks, share good news and bad, and just chit chat and be 🙂

i am a mum of one dd. She’s 6 and is autistic and not yet verbal. It’s just us, no support system so I am thankful for the people on here keeping me company through the journey ❤️

Half Term SEN Parents Support Group | Mumsnet

Dd(6) who has autism and is non verbal had today had an average day one meltdown over her hands being sticky after she STUCK THEM IN ICING?! 😂🙆‍♀️...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5491563-half-term-sen-parents-support-group?page=1

OP posts:
mumofoneAloneandwell · 27/03/2026 20:46

Helplessandheartbroke · 27/03/2026 20:33

Hey, sorry im just catching up best I can, I've been so poorly this week!

@SleeplessInWherever that's very poor from the a&e doctor! Hope youre all ok.

@mumofoneAloneandwell sending hugs, hope you and dd are ok x

❤️❤️ hope youre alright

Covid?

OP posts:
BlueandWhitePorcelain · 28/03/2026 10:22

@SleeplessInWherever We have a DD with the most severe epilepsy. She’s been under three professors of neurology at GOSH and the National Hospital for Neurosurgery and Neurology. The LA was funding a 6 figure placement at a specialist epilepsy school. (Easier to get blood out of a stone than get that out of them)

One day in the summer holidays, she’d had about 45 seizures (mainly complex partials or focal unawares) in 35 minutes; this sort of thing happened every week. The emergency medication hadn’t worked. The emergency protocol was to call 999 next. When DH got to A & E with her in the ambulance, a junior doctor told him, she doesn’t have epilepsy! He said

”We have a test - we open her eyelids during a “seizure”. She’s still responsive - she shouldn’t be!

What he didn’t realise was that maybe this is true of people during a tonic clonic. She only had about one tonic clonic a year at that time; but she could have 150 complex partials in a day - where there is impaired consciousness. She can still hear us, but can’t see us during seizures for example. Half an hour later, DH walked past this doctor who informed DH, he was right - she does have epilepsy!

We complained afterwards to her consultant neurologist, who was speechless! He told us, in future to stand up and argue with junior doctors in A & E, and insist they call the on call consultant neurologist; and even if they said, there wasn’t one, we were to insist there was!

After that, it was written in capitals on her file

”IF THIS HIGH RISK PATIENT COMES IN, RING CHALFONTS FOR ADVICE!”

Chalfonts is an outpost of the National Hospital for Neurosurgery and Neurology.

Another of her consultant neurologists told us DD was safer at home with us than junior doctors in A & E in August and December, when the new trainees start their rotations.

I don’t mean to frighten you, even if your DS is having seizures, 70% of patients get control with drugs. My DD is a very rare case, with a combination of a rare and an ultra rare (2 families in the UK type rare) syndromes.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Helplessandheartbroke · 28/03/2026 15:52

mumofoneAloneandwell · 27/03/2026 20:46

❤️❤️ hope youre alright

Covid?

I think so. Ds has had it almost 2 weeks! Your Tesco post made me laugh, ds once flicked his croc off in Tesco and it went on the roof of the isle! Haha what they like.

@BlueandWhitePorcelain that's sounds so difficult im sorry for you all!

mumofoneAloneandwell · 28/03/2026 17:39

@SleeplessInWherever how are you all? How is ds, how has he been through the night? ❤️

OP posts:
RavenLaw · 28/03/2026 19:01

Hello all, just catching up.

That sounds really tough @SleeplessInWherever. Last time DD had to go to A&E I had a REALLY good triage doctor who instantly understood the problem when I said that DD doesn't express pain the same way most people do, and that if she was actually managing to verbalise that it hurt, that was her version of screaming in pain. It was only as I left that I realised how unusual it was not to have to have a lengthy discussion about it before they accepted it!

I'm sorry @mumofoneAloneandwell but I laughed at your shopping day, it sounds so much like going shopping with DD used to be. How old is yours? Mine is Y6 now and we get online deliveries mostly but when I did used to take her to Tesco the security staff knew her and knew to look out for her in case she was staging a great escape into the car park 😂

Sirzy · 28/03/2026 19:12

Thankfully our local peads a and e know ds well and have always been amazing, he is 16 now so I’m dreading having to go to adult a and e!

mumofoneAloneandwell · 28/03/2026 21:40

Helplessandheartbroke · 28/03/2026 15:52

I think so. Ds has had it almost 2 weeks! Your Tesco post made me laugh, ds once flicked his croc off in Tesco and it went on the roof of the isle! Haha what they like.

@BlueandWhitePorcelain that's sounds so difficult im sorry for you all!

😄😄😄 what did you do?

Well my dd today has:

Figured out that she is stronger than the door handle child proofs that I have and can now break into the kitchen at will

When I counted down to tell her to get in to bed, I said 3, 2... and she said 'one, zero' and carried on playing 😫😫😫

OP posts:
mumofoneAloneandwell · 28/03/2026 21:43

RavenLaw · 28/03/2026 19:01

Hello all, just catching up.

That sounds really tough @SleeplessInWherever. Last time DD had to go to A&E I had a REALLY good triage doctor who instantly understood the problem when I said that DD doesn't express pain the same way most people do, and that if she was actually managing to verbalise that it hurt, that was her version of screaming in pain. It was only as I left that I realised how unusual it was not to have to have a lengthy discussion about it before they accepted it!

I'm sorry @mumofoneAloneandwell but I laughed at your shopping day, it sounds so much like going shopping with DD used to be. How old is yours? Mine is Y6 now and we get online deliveries mostly but when I did used to take her to Tesco the security staff knew her and knew to look out for her in case she was staging a great escape into the car park 😂

Hey 🥰

You've reminded me that I have to speak to the sainsburys security guards and explain 🙈🙈🙈 - just like yours, mine would run into the car park if she could!

😄😄 she is 7 next Saturday!! Shes year 2 age. I laugh about it now, couldn't believe how fast she moved and managed to evade me! Everyone was getting involved, saying 'she's gone down there' 😄😄🙈

OP posts:
SleeplessInWherever · 28/03/2026 21:45

Sorry all, thanks so much for the various check ins, it’s just been chaotic here.

DS is much the same, he’s at the GP Monday so clinging on to that at the moment.

He’s taken himself bed at 8pm 2 nights in a row, which is not like him at all. Definitely something up!

mumofoneAloneandwell · 28/03/2026 22:14

SleeplessInWherever · 28/03/2026 21:45

Sorry all, thanks so much for the various check ins, it’s just been chaotic here.

DS is much the same, he’s at the GP Monday so clinging on to that at the moment.

He’s taken himself bed at 8pm 2 nights in a row, which is not like him at all. Definitely something up!

Okay @SleeplessInWherever do keep us updated ❤️

I know its scary, praying for monday to hurry up - at least you'll lose an hour!

OP posts:
RavenLaw · 28/03/2026 23:14

mumofoneAloneandwell · 28/03/2026 21:43

Hey 🥰

You've reminded me that I have to speak to the sainsburys security guards and explain 🙈🙈🙈 - just like yours, mine would run into the car park if she could!

😄😄 she is 7 next Saturday!! Shes year 2 age. I laugh about it now, couldn't believe how fast she moved and managed to evade me! Everyone was getting involved, saying 'she's gone down there' 😄😄🙈

Ah happy birthday MiniMumOfOne! Hope she has a good day.

It's definitely worth speaking to security, ours were really good. A sunflower lanyard can help too, I know not everyone likes them but it is a handy visual for security if they see a child with sunflowers galloping off into the distance! DD used to be shocking for bolting, even though we were super vigilant. We had to have hands on her at all times, you only needed to reach for a packet of weetabix and she'd be gone.

Seawolves · 29/03/2026 15:56

Why is acceptable to stare? Luckily my little boy is completely, joyfully, unaware of the stares as he's blind and functions well below his chronological age. But I know people stare. And do that awful nod in our direction while muttering behind hands about the fact that he makes grunting sounds when his dystonia is really painful, he also has spasms and makes repetitive movements. When he's really distressed or stressed his dummy helps calm him. Yes, he is 'too old' for it chronologically but developmentally it's right where he is. He's beautiful. He's funny. He's his own little character and at times he drives me to distraction and I love him just the way he is. Today I am sick of the stares. I am sick of the muttering. I am sick of the nods in our direction. He's life limited. Very life limited. I would just like one day out together where people treat us like people instead of like a circus freak show.

BlueandWhitePorcelain · 29/03/2026 16:03

@Seawolves A different situation, but ITA. DD1 has life threatening epilepsy and wears head protection. I can’t tell you how hard it was to get a pretty teenage girl to wear head protection!

Every time, we go out with her, people stare. Occasionally, we take in a wheelchair to avoid injuries from drop attack. She prefers that, because we don’t try to get her to wear her hat and nobody stares at her in a wheelchair!

SleeplessInWherever · 29/03/2026 16:12

We get the stares too, and the comments. Last year we took him on his first holiday, and one of the afternoons he went into overwhelm crisis. He tried to run into the road, so I grabbed his shoulder to prevent him, so I could then move him away.

Someone genuinely said to me “is there any need to grab him like that?!”

Sorry, love - I’ll let him get ran over next time.

My pet hate is the head tilt “does he have special needs?” I always want to just pretend he doesn’t and ask why their 9 year old isn’t trying to eat mud. Pretend we’re the “normal” ones for a change.

RavenLaw · 29/03/2026 22:11

Aah @Seawolves my DD had a dummy until she was 6, until we were able to replace it with a chewy. Do what you need to do.

I've also had the head tilt @SleeplessInWherever - my favourite was someone who tried to intervene when DD was having a meltdown aged about 5 or 6, I explained I just needed to get her home because she's autistic and this situation was not going to get better until she was in a familiar place, and this complete stranger leapt back in horror and said "Autism?? Oh! WHAT a shame, when she's such a PRETTY child."

Seawolves · 30/03/2026 09:17

Thank you, it's sad that we have to develop a thick skin to these sort of comments.

Today is a new day and we are off out later to a huge country park for some sunshine and a bit of fresh air and coffee and a cheese scone for me.

Hoping everyone get through the Easter break as well as we possibly can.

SurreySenMum26 · 30/03/2026 09:26

Morning all. I posted a few weeks back about asking another mum who has a child at the SEN unit my child is going to. She read it then never replied to me. She has in the past offered me out of the blue support saying how much she gets how hard this journey is first hand. Then just left me on road. It was just a two sentence question.

This is where I think I'm also ND as I just get my head around why someone would reach out then blank me. Just a quick "sorry I really busy can you ask the school. Sorry can't talk" I'm really micro analysing what I might have got wrong?

I love the school holidays. Most of our stresses come from school so I'm really looking forward to not having that for a few weeks..

Seawolves · 30/03/2026 20:10

@SurreySenMum26 I don't know about the mum at school but I do know there are times when I leave texts unanswered for days/weeks because when they come through I am not in a place to answer them and then I just clean forget as they slip down my chats chain and I stop seeing them. There are several group chats I have muted/archived so they just get completely lost. I really hope there is a simple answer for you but even if it is because she's just rude please don't stop trying, even if it's just here on this thread keep on keeping on, we're here to support each other Flowers

mumofoneAloneandwell · 30/03/2026 20:11

Hi everyone

How has day 1 of the holidays gone?

Will catch up on the thread tonight ❤️

OP posts:
SurreySenMum26 · 30/03/2026 20:47

Thank you x I'm a real overthinker.

My holiday do far is great. I had a double digit Sendist appeal two weeks ago so just trying to get some normality away from school.

I'm beginning to suspect I have might have ADHD so want to plan in lots of activities as we had a very lazy half term. I hope the weather stays good.

Ds14 has ASD and a language disorder and has had recently had a hard time at his SEN school. Normally his behaviour is good so he definitely needs some time to decompress while not sitting on the X box all day@

Seawolves · 30/03/2026 21:26

Ours started pretty badly, he was quite dystonic and in pain this morning but a walk out in the bumpy woods in his off road chair helped and he went to bed happier than he was this morning. He LOVES being outside even though he can't walk, it really calms him. How was yours @mumofoneAloneandwell

mumofoneAloneandwell · 30/03/2026 21:40

RavenLaw · 28/03/2026 23:14

Ah happy birthday MiniMumOfOne! Hope she has a good day.

It's definitely worth speaking to security, ours were really good. A sunflower lanyard can help too, I know not everyone likes them but it is a handy visual for security if they see a child with sunflowers galloping off into the distance! DD used to be shocking for bolting, even though we were super vigilant. We had to have hands on her at all times, you only needed to reach for a packet of weetabix and she'd be gone.

Thank you 🥰🥰

Reaching for a pack of wheetabix 😄 it was bread for me! Agree I talked to them today - the guy was most uninterested 🙄 but I will stick her in the trolley from now on

And will get a lanyard and tether to keep in the car

OP posts:
mumofoneAloneandwell · 30/03/2026 21:41

Seawolves · 29/03/2026 15:56

Why is acceptable to stare? Luckily my little boy is completely, joyfully, unaware of the stares as he's blind and functions well below his chronological age. But I know people stare. And do that awful nod in our direction while muttering behind hands about the fact that he makes grunting sounds when his dystonia is really painful, he also has spasms and makes repetitive movements. When he's really distressed or stressed his dummy helps calm him. Yes, he is 'too old' for it chronologically but developmentally it's right where he is. He's beautiful. He's funny. He's his own little character and at times he drives me to distraction and I love him just the way he is. Today I am sick of the stares. I am sick of the muttering. I am sick of the nods in our direction. He's life limited. Very life limited. I would just like one day out together where people treat us like people instead of like a circus freak show.

Oh @Seawolves 🥺🥺

People are just fucking awful. They're shite and rubbish and some are just nasty

One thing I always say is: youre not disabled YET

The main thing is that ds is happy, but i know it must be awful for you ❤️

@BlueandWhitePorcelain a testament to how far weve come that people dont stare at wheelchair users - awful enough being a teenager without being stared at!

@SleeplessInWherever you made me chuckle - i should try that, 'no she's not special needs, why isnt your child jumping up and down on the spot screaming dinosaur?? Whats wrong with them?'

@RavenLaw what a bellend that person was! Autistic kids and pretty go hand in hand, doesn't she know?!

OP posts:
Helplessandheartbroke · 30/03/2026 21:46

@Seawolves sorry you've had to put up with that. You sound like an amazing mum! I would honestly ask them whats up if people stare at us. Its their problem just remember that.

@mumofoneAloneandwell i had to get a worker to get the ladders out! Bit of a slap in the face dd finishing your counting but good on her for saying them lol.

We had not much sleep last night so ds has been hyper today while I worked. My df had him at mine for a few hours but its hard work with little sleep. He and I are still full of this covid thing, ds is 2 weeks in now!

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