Is it fine not to share a bed with your partner?

[confusedbadmama]

Just curious what people thought.
is it fine not to share a bed with your partner (no health problems, no snoring, no different work schedules), or is it indicative of a problem within the couple?
say if one person is a night owl and prefers to do their own thing on their phone or prefers to go to sleep in the living room after watching tv, or wants to do their hobby at night because of young children/work/obligations during the day.

I think it's fine to do sometimes, but not all the time. My and DH share and I like getting ready and into bed at the same time. There's never any sex but it feels like a closeness getting into bed and falling asleep together.

However we both actually enjoy having the bed to ourselves. Say if I cosleep in the spa@re room with a poorly DC or one of us goes in there because we have a cold, we both enjoy it and aren't in a huge rush for it to go back to normal!

I love sharing a bed with DP but lots of people sleep better apart and if it works for them both then it’s obviously not a problem.

Not a problem at all. The upper class do it all the time so I've read on many occasions. They do have more than a 2 bed semi in most cases though.

It’s not just fine.

It’s life changing. No more broken sleep with a snorer.

Also, we go to bed together, get ready, get into bed with the dogs and settled. Watch some TV together. Then he goes to his room to sleep (snore)

Though it can be a BIIIIG problem. My DH couldn’t manage sex at all (health reasons) and was also a horrendous snorer…so he moved into the spare room… peace at last…but the separation totally trashed every shred of intimacy and closeness - and we’re now divorced… (the bit i didn’t describe there is his attempts to find sexual stimulation with a massive porn habit that led to the use of cam girls…that was the end of the marriage) hopefully it wouldn’t always be so catastrophic

We’ve had separate bedrooms for years. Our relationship is great- probably more so because I get a decent nights sleep now!

It wouldn't be fine for me. Sleeping together is a massive part of intimacy in a relationship for me

I think it’s fine but I’ll be honest before me and dh had troubles we used to chat at night or if one of us woke up we might say are you awake and start chatting, or in the morning we’d chat in bed. Also hugs are great! But every couple is different, I don’t think it means anything as long as both are happy with it

Essential.

Depends I suppose how long you’ve lived together, say in 6 mths I’d probably think 🤔
but 10/20 years down the line - totally fine
nobody says it has to be all night.

im all for a good nights sleep these days and the bed to myself oh and defo no snoring

DP works shifts which includes a mix of days and nights. I’ll be honest, I look forward to him being on nights and having the bed to myself but also to him being back on days so we can share and cuddle up together. I’m quite happy to have the best of both worlds when it comes to sharing/not sharing!

I think it's absolutely fine. I think you'd be surprised how common it is, too. DH and I spend a few nights a week in different beds because we're just not very compatible sleepers and it's made no negative difference to our relationship - we're just both better rested.

I enjoy sharing a bed with DH but lots of my friends, who have really happy marriages, sleep separately. I don’t think it’s a sign of an unhealthy relationship, more just incompatibility in terms of sleeping.

I would prefer to share a bed with my DH but he snores and is a very restless sleeper. Eventually, I had to ask for separate rooms to cope when my own mid-life sleep problems disturbed my sleep enough, without having to deal with disruptions from him. It's only for the sleeping hours. We still read in bed together at night. I think our relationship isn't harmed by it.

I think in many cases it is the best thing you can do for your relationship.

I'll never share a bed (long term) with anyone, ever again. Sleep is far too important.

Sharing a bed is a throwback from the mega poor days where it was necessary.

It's perfectly normal to have your own room if you can. Love my room me. No men allowed.

Works for us- we’d have split by now otherwise. His snoring was insane, now we have King size beds each and great sleep.

This ^^ Dcat would love to sleep on our bed in the winter and in it with me as it is the warmest place in the house. DW does not agree with this approach. We now have complicated arrangements where I sleep separately downstairs and make sure Dcat does too. I rescued Dcat when he was a kitten but it never crossed my mind that it would cause relationship problems.

I lived with my boyfriend for a few months and he was a night owl, worked from home etc whereas I needed to be up at 7am every day. I went to sleep alone all the time other than on specific days I asked him to come to bed with me. It upset me but we had two different schedules. One of my friends has been with her partner for about 6 years and she had EDS, so they sleep in different beds but are very happy together. All depends doesn’t it.

It’s fine. I hate sleeping with someone on my period as I overheat.

I haven't slept with my DH for years.

He's an owl and I'm a lark for starters.

Then there's the snoring, chomping, teeth grinding ( I got him a mouthguard but he couldn't wear it - said it made his mouth dry) talking in his sleep, kicking his legs about and filling the bed full of stinky farts.

It saved our marriage, otherwise I'd be long gone...

I know quite a few couple that do this and it works well for them. I think so long as you are both in agreement then there’s no issue, the problem start when one partner is reluctant and feels pushed into it.
I will add as someone who is now single (widow), I wouldn’t want to go back to sharing a house let alone a bedroom on a permanent basis - so I’m maybe not the best judge!