Dyspraxia and learning difficulties - does it get better?

[OhShutUpThomas]

I love my DD with all my heart. She is funny, she loves animals, she’s just amazing, but life is so exhausting for her (and me).

She has various diagnosed learning difficulties and quite pronounced dyspraxia. She is constantly just wanting to be like her friends but finds it all so difficult. She is very behind at school and has 1:1 help for maths, however we’re going through ECHP application as she needs more.

The dyspraxia is a big issue. She falls constantly, and drops/breaks/spills 80% of what she carries. She frequently slips and falls coming down the stairs.
She wanted to make pancakes on her own yesterday but she can’t, she needs a lot of help which she hates. Even things like pouring the milk into the measuring jug - the milk would be everywhere, she’d probably rest it on the jug and tip the just over, she would struggle to get the lid back on. Etc.

She struggles with processing. You can’t give two instructions or bits of information as only one goes in. For example if you say ‘put your outdoor things on and get in the car’ she’ll either be in the car with no coat, or put her coat on then wander off and play.

She struggles hugely with behaviour. She can’t see when she’s in the wrong, and can be vile to her siblings. She can’t take any criticism whatsoever. If her siblings for example finish a meal and put their plates away, then say ‘Freda (not real name) you need to put your plate away too’ she will fly off the handle, shout at them, then come crying or furious to me that they are ‘being mean and bossy.’

She is now getting to the age (10 next month) where she is realising that she’s different. And she hates it. She has good friends but they are sometimes bewildered by her behaviour.

Has anyone been through this? Does it improve?

I don’t know what I’m expecting from this. I just wish I could help her, I love her so much.

We know a child with dyspraxia and have our own DC with severe dyslexia and processing issues. Children concerned now 16 and 13. It gets better if you give them lots of support and school take it seriously and help (which in my experience and that of the family we know is a huge battle). I try and remind myself that however hard I’m finding it this is their daily life and they’re much more exhausted and frustrated than I am. It’s tough. It will get better slowly but she will always have these diagnoses. For things like pancake making I found DC wanted help and if I remained calm or said you do X and I’ll pour the milk, we got through it without too much of a mess and sometimes mess is fine and just clean it up after. DC cannot manage 2 step instructions so I’ve adapted to put your shoes on, then let’s get in the car. I wish you all the best.

Thank you. Yes I feel for her so much. She struggles to be ‘normal’ but is in mainstream school with ‘normal’ expectations. It’s that middle ground and it’s just so tough.
The behaviour issues, the sulking and tempers are just unreal and now starting to impact friendships. I just don’t know how to help.

My DS, now 13, is dyspraxic (and autistic with PDA). In the last few years he has really developed having been years behind his peers. This might sound daft but I think our trampoline really helped him. Since he was about 9 he went on the trampoline for hours on end every day Spring through to Autumn. I think it was a stim and if definitely helped him regulate but it also helped him work out where his body was and how it worked together to create movement. He has amazing stomach muscles and a strong core and is now great on a bike (previously a complete liability!) and swims brilliantly. He’s also taken up football which I never thought would be accessible to him.

He’s less clumsy these days due to these gross motor improvements. Fine motor skills are coming along but slowly - he can’t cut with a knife but he can now tie his shoelaces.

Both mine have dyspraxia, though perhaps not as pronounced as yours.

Poor girl must be so frustrated.

Our best success came from accepting it, not fighting it.

So:
she can't do 2 step instructions - so don't give 2 step instructions
she can't carry things safely - so she doesn't carry anything that matters if she drops it
it isn't up to siblings to tell her what to do - stop that happening and tell off the siblings

The main things for us as checklists and alarms

Alarms in the morning to help things stay on track. (Alexa?)
When older, alarms on phones. DD1 as a late teen had to go through a learning of not turning off an alarm until the job was actually done, or re-setting alarm for a later time

And checklists for packing school bag, jobs in the morning, jobs in the evening.
If you can instill 'look at the checklist' that will help give independence. This took a lot of effort with DD1 and less with DD2.

Lots of praise for using the checklists and alarms.

Also they must never expect to 'remember' a message they must always write it down. Forgetting was acceptable, but faling to write down a message was not (eg especially in secondary school).

Then for other things you have to teach how to do things that other find obvious. To pour from a jug, hold it like this - show and practice.

Find a non competitive activity they can do - my younger like Wildlife Rangers with the Wildlife Trust.

(My DD2 is early 20s and still can't do stairs properly!)

Both mine benefitted from being able to name their difficulties. 'I have dyspraxia which means I find XYZ hard' rather than just feeling clumsy or stupid.

My son lives with dyspraxia possible adhd and education was his biggest disaster main stream schools and activities were not able to meet his needs and I ended up home schooling. He’s now in his mid twenties and with a very supportive life partner runs a successful business and regularity does free or discounted services to people in need, I spent so many hours worrying for his future and he’s turned out well.

Behavioural optometry helped my DD's dyspraxia. I know some people think it's a bit 'out there' but it really did help her. The glasses were a waste of money I think but the exercises really helped

Yup, sounds very familiar., even down to sibling issues. My daughter is now in year 8 and has completely caught up in maths (not so much in English but not in bottom set), trips far less and handwriting is now really good.
I manage her as I always have with instructing step by step or verbally bullet pointed, ie no waffle: 'shoes, coat, car' repeated until done.
For us, it's trying to get the school to understand she has a slower process speed so for exams she needs extra time more than frequent breaks. They just see her coping so not needing help, but that's an ongoing battle.

Has she been assessed for ADHD? It overlaps with dyspraxia a lot and the medication that helps ADHD also helps dyspraxia, my DS has both.
Good OT and an OT attitude (for want of a better word) can also help. For example with the milk bottle, we get milk from the milkman so it's in much smaller bottles than from the supermarket, and when the DCs were younger we had even smaller bottles so they could pour their own for cereal. Just thinking about things that can make his life easier and that can help him practice things. I have a lot of recommendations!

My son is 18. Has just learnt to swim last month. Just passed his driving test first try. Got a conditional offer for Phycology at Liverpool Uni.

Can't ride a bike. Balance at 0.01%

Yes, it can get better. Dyspraxia will never improve. He just grew into his strengths. He is a wonderful human being and I'd change nothing but his journey wasn't easy and never will be.