Unnerving encounter with a random man today

[Ebok1990]

I was out walking the dog. Daylight. Quiet ish residential road. I was walking along minding my own business. Man came round the corner on his bike, saw me and swerved straight across the road to me. My dog gets lots of attention, so I'm pretty used to people stopping and talking but he immediately put me on edge. He made some random small talk. I responded and went to move on. As I did, he lurched his bike forward to block me. I jumped out of my skin. He laughed at me. I felt so trapped and on edge. I was definitely in freeze and fawn mode. I grabbed the dog and abruptly turned around and walked back the way I'd come. So ultimately it's a non-story. Nothing happened, he didn't follow me. I looked round and he was cycling off but it's made me realise that I'm totally unprepared if anything were to have happened. I wouldn't have been able to shout, scream, run away, fight, anything. I was so shaky afterwards and so cross that he'd forced himself into my day.

What a creep. This is why I carry body spray at all times. A bit of Impulse (the irony of the name) to the eyeballs is helpful if you are ever truly cornered. For what it's worth, you did the right thing. I am so sorry that you experienced this.

Would it have been captured on ring doorbells? I think this kind of twattery is worth putting to 101 because it escalates.

No unfortunately. It's residential but the nearest houses back on to the road and are in an elevated position, so it'd be out of shot of any cctv.

So ultimately it's a non-story

It's not a non story OP.
It was a really unpleasant and unnerving experience and I'm sorry it happened to you.

You have really highlighted how unsafe we are walking about the streets going about our day- to- day business at any time of day or night.
And how many creepy men are about who, even if they wouldn't actually physically harm us, take great pleasure in frightening and worrying us.

I always carry a spray and always recommend doing the same but I realised that I would struggle to actually pluck up the courage to use it. It would have been a huge over-reaction on my part to have used it today and completely indefensible but if he'd actually made a move towards me, it would have been too late, as I wouldn't have had time.

I'm sorry op that sounds aggressive and like he knew he was being intimidating and trying to control the situation. Super unpleasant for you to experience and should never have happened. Lots of self care and talking to people who build you up needed.

What I would say is that our bodies read situations much faster than our brains can process them logically which is were we act on instinct when feeling threatened. So I really believe that if your body went into freeze mode its because it read the situation and decided that was the safest option to take in that exact scenario. If you had reacted differently he may have escalated and you may not have walked away. You got yourself safely out of an intimidating situation so don't question the 'how'. It worked.

I have reacted that way before and always thought the same that if I was in serious danger I'd just curl up and die, but then something serious did happen to me and i became super aggressive and honestly was prepared to fight to the death if I had to. I have never felt like that before and have no idea where it came out of within me. But again, my body was reading those situations and assessing what was safe before my brain could even catch up.

So have grace for yourself, don't minimise what happened as its not a non event, and be proud that you actually handled yourself really well.

I've never had to physically use it and it's in my bag. But the times I have come close I've said: "Do you want my number? Let me get my phone..." Then I bring it out of my bag and say: "Leave or I'll spray this in your eyes." They've always left.

I avoid men like the plague as much as possible when I'm out walking. I'm very aware of my surroundings and never go anywhere isolated. I felt safe today. It's my local area. It's quiet and safe and proximity to the backs of the houses made me feel OK. Plus, it's not a busy road but there were a few cars going by. He just suddenly appeared, cycling on the other side of the road but just swerved straight across to me, so I couldn't avoid him.

And op you could ring 101 to log it with his description. This type of behaviour doesn't belong to a well adjusted upright member of society. His behaviour will not be in isolation. Obviously they may not necessarily be able to 'do' anything but you may fill in a piece of a puzzle.

Blimey, fair play to you. That's an impressive move and one that requires plenty of gumption!

Hi there - sounds horrible and be kind to yourself about how you reacted. It was your very instinctive response to a threat. What a pathetic creepy arsehole that man was to behave that way with you 😡

I would log it with 101 - creeps like that don’t just act as a one off and you reporting it helps build a picture or can add to other incidents that other women have experienced.

I'm old now - 47 next week - my outrage is strong and if I have to be a bit Oscar-winning in my performance then so be it!

It's so easy to talk yourself out of taking it any further. Am I over-reacting, maybe he was just being friendly, am I making a twit of myself. All the usual things.

If he was just being friendly then it would have felt friendly op. Our gut is what keeps us right most of the time so yours alerted you to at least potential danger.

It's normal to question because i think as women there's a social expectation of us putting up with things, but that doesn't make it right.

Same! I'm a bit older and have zero tolerance of men now and have no problem telling them where to get off but today has thrown me. He was chatty, making polite small talk, which made it feel unreasonable for me to tell him to fuck off, coupled with the fear of course of making him angry rather than simply hoping he'd go away or someone would appear to help or put him off. I genuinely thought of stepping in to the road to cause a car to have to stop or swerve and cause a commotion that way but my dog is a right lump and not easy to drag around! (Sadly not in any way off-putting or aggressive though!).

I do know what you mean - also easy for me to say on MN what I would do in real life - I think I would 9 times out of 10, but also there are times when we are off-guard, distracted, tired, all manner of things that might take a bit of our power away from us. And we have to make a million decisions in such a short space of time when someone starts off by being nice and then it deteriorates don't we?

What @Lavender14 said. As humans we are wired for threat and our lizard brain is much faster than our rational brain - so you know instinctively that he wasn’t just being friendly. We can tell the difference between friendly and weird/unnerving

Do not feel bad for feeling a bit freaked out by this - this is all on him making you feel uncomfortable - decent people don’t act that way.

It sounds like he meant to be intimidating and was sizing you up to see if he could get away with what he eventually intends to do to someone and then thought better of it.

I would report it as it could be a missing piece of a puzzle as opposed said.

I've had two men in a car block me (in my car) from moving forward in a country lane and, then when I started reversing, followed me bumper to bumper. Bloody terrifying. They only made bed in when I got my phone out to call the police and a delivery guy in a van showed up behind them.

I was in pieces afterwards. Absolutely terrified. Some men get off on that. Pricks!

YANBU. Guys like this are a menace.

I was once cornered by a guy in the lift at a station. He used his bike to hem me in. His issue? He'd spoken to me and I (being deaf) hadn't been sure what he'd said or even if it was me he was speaking to so I didn't reply. I pointed this out and he told me 'try to behave like a normal person'. I AM a normal person. He on the other hand, not so much.

If he was being friendly, you’d have felt comfortable. He knew what he was doing, and you knew it too.

Definitely report to 101. I reported a man who grabbed my bum on a station platform to British Transport Police and they took it seriously. I figured if nothing else at least I was contributing to statistics about the scale of the problem

You're right, no decent bloke would do what he did. He'd just want to get home from work/get to work/continue on his bike ride, not swerve across the road to chat to some middle aged woman. There was a coffee cup littered on the path infront of me and his opening line was, did you throw that there, followed by a smirk.

That’s not a non story. He was getting off on frightening you. Hd knew exactly what he was doing.

I was followed a couple of months ago and I dint log it because I felt a bit stupid and couldn’t have given a description but about a week later was scrolling through Facebook and my whole body went cold as there was an e-fir of a man wanted for stalking. I couldn’t tell you if it was the same person but by the way my body reacted, I think it was. I then called the police and they came out. They told me to carry some criminal identifier spray - I did buy it but I haven’t taken it as same as you, not sure i would use it.

Not a non-event. He was deliberately intimidating you. And don’t in the least blame yourself for your response. It was almost certainly safest. Like a pp, the one time I actually had to act, I broke his nose.

I would avoid taking the dog to this place you met this cyclist at that particular time for a few weeks. He may turn up again if he knows this is a routine you have. Try a different walking time for a while.

You may not feel the need to do this but it would be something I would do to avoid seeing him again. What a horrible creep this person was! I am sorry you experienced this. Unfortunately some men get a kick out of making a woman scared. Awful.