Ex tells ds he doesn't have autism

[Fuzzybear22]

Ds who's 10 has autism. And he told me today that his dad keeps telling him that he doesn't have autism and it's a load of shit.

Oh dear is he diagnosed? If so I'd tell DS that the specialist doctor says he is and to not listen to his dad in this instance because he's not a specialist doctor.

DS is obviously very high functioning. It can be difficult to recognise if there are few signs. My dgs behaves perfectly normally most of the time. He's picky with food, doesn't like loud noise and can be very interested in particular things. But he's chatty, has friends, good eye contact and likes people. I think autism is a blanket term which covers a lot of issues. Plus the father doesn't want to believe it anyway. Maybe you ought to explain to him that it's not the end of the world, it's just a label.

Yes hes diagnosed about 4/5 years ago. And yes I told him that. And I said daddy isn't a doctor

Amazing self restraint there, not telling him his dad's an idiot.

I don't know if ds is high functioning or not. What decides if he is. ?

I'm sure you must have read up about it. The autism spectrum is quite wide, ranging from kids who present as normal, to kids who have a lot of difficulties and quite obviously are badly disabled.

Don't know how old he is, but when I was at school, only people with certain "types" were diagnosed, for example non-verbal/struggled badly with most school experiences. If he has this idea of what ASD is, he might not understand, but he really needs to learn to support his son.
Now, several of my friends have been recently diagnosed, and there is has been a lot more about ND in the media. Now, some experts are challenging the idea of the spectrum. The recent Barbie split opinions, with many parents saying non of her features would apply to their autistic children. Some of these parents said different terms need to be used to make it clear how much support their child needs-I'm not saying your husband is like this, but some parents do reject the term. The main thing is he needs to support your son as he needs supporting, and should surely be attending medical appointments to help and learn?

Ds isnt functioning it just might look like that on the surface.

Hes in Year 6 but working academically at around a Year 1 level. and he has an EHCP he also place at a sen school for year 7 because he needs that level of support.

he won't manage in a mainstream secondary. He would not know where to go what lesson he has next or what he is meant to have with him that day without someone telling him/showing him.

Socially he struggles. He can seem fine day to day, but things like busy or new places overwhelm him, and he’s very easily led by other children. He also needs help understanding situations.

So he does not fit a certain type either way. He isn’t a child with the most complex needs, but he also not mildly affected.

A child who already has to work so hard to navigate the world doesn't need to be gaslit by his own dad on top of it. Please keep telling him the truth, that his diagnosis is real, it explains a lot about how his brilliant brain works, and it is nothing to be ashamed of. You're doing the right thing by him.

If your child has needs such that he can't attend a mainstream secondary school and is working at a level years below his age, what does his father think the issue is, if he doesn't think it's autism? Presumably he has to acknowledge there are issues.

He doesn't know what level hes at. He also doesn't know hes going to SEN school.

It is better to accept the condition than to deny it. This makes it easier to manage themselves and the situations rather than escaping from it.

It is really heartbreaking that he is being made to question something that is part of his experience and identity. At 10, he needs understanding, reassurance, and adults who listen to him rather than dismiss what he is going through. I really hope he has supportive people around him who help him feel accepted, heard, and valued.

That’s really unfair on your son. At 10, he needs both parents to help him understand himself and feel accepted, not make him question something that’s part of who he is. I’d reassure him that there’s nothing wrong with being autistic and that he doesn’t have to prove anything to anyone.

Some posters are completely missing the point, as per.

This isn’t a discussion about whether the DS presents as ‘normal’ and it’s not a discussion about whether he is autistic. He HAS a diagnosis already. I work in education and most kids do NOT get a diagnosis contrary to popular belief that they are being given out willy nilly. They have to show struggle in many different areas to receive one whether they look ‘ normal’ or not.

If DS has a diagnosis then it is deeply confusing for him to be told by his dad that he does not. That’s really poor behaviour and I would teach your DS to self advocate and stick up for himself. Maybe you and him can come up with a few set phrases he can say.

“Oh dear! Perhaps your Dad doesn’t know much about it. We can’t all be good at everything.”

Your son needs you to put perspective on the fact that his dad’s an ignorant twat, and help him to insulate himself against his Dad’s behaviour. Don’t let it be a bone of contention, just politely minimise the weight of his father’s words so your DS doesn’t need to worry about it.

This.
With 'doctor said you do have'

Some people are skeptical about psychological theories, and the extent to which they are supported by real science. Diagnostic boundaries seem to be expanding; an increasing number of people are being labelled as having some sort of disorder.