Increasingly frustrated at getting everything wrong with a colleague.

[Thesofathatwas]

And would welcome your help to look at this through a different lens.
I can’t avoid this colleague as we work closely, we are peers so no one is more senior to the other.

So everything, and I mean everything I say has the reply of “well, no, that’s not quite right” or words to that effect. Immediately followed by the correction and what I should have said/done.

If I say the sun is out it is met by “ well no, there’s glimmers of sun but it’s not sunny at all” that kind of thing.

From their perspective, is there something in my communication that is off leading them to constantly disagree and need to put me right? What am I missing or doing wrong?

They also do not get humour at all, if I drop a harmless quip into the conversation like “ I’m just off to make a bucket of tea before my back to back meetings this morning “ I get corrected “ well no, it wouldn’t be a bucket would it, what you mean is a large cup of tea”, I’m afraid I got very irritated and replied “ well OBVIOUSLY that’s not what I meant, I was trying to joke a little!”.
Blank stare…

They interrupt and talk over not just me but others too, it’s so frustrating. I can see people just give up, stop speaking and let them do it.

I do grey rock now. Make statement sentences with bare minimum because I simply cannot win or have any form of normal conversation or chit chat, it’s just met with this reply every time. It’s not helped, they still correct every time.

I want to understand their communication style and why they feel the need to do this but don’t want to upset them by asking outright.

Any ideas?

Sounds like Ruth Duggan and Alan Partridge! Can you try and find it funny?

They’re autistic maybe?

Yes my first thought, they seem to be taking you quite literally or do you think they're just an arse OP?

I would try to say "have you noticed you dispute everything I say? " And then make a game out of it, pointing out (to colleague) how many (if any) remarks go undisputed.

Kill with love? Try to find it endearing?? I know it's always a go to response on MN, but literal interpretation is a very common autistic trait, along with being rogid about rules and accuracy. They may not realise that's what they are doing. Do you have other colleagues you could chat to about it (for advice not gossip!) or is it just you and this colleague?

That’s who I thought of too!

But actually my PDA teen is like this. And though I love every atom it makes me want to scream. I’ve discovered that if I use “declarative” language (Google it with PDA, it’s a thing) he’s a lot easier.

So instead of “please will you walk th dog?” which would be met by Butros Butros Gali negotiations, if I say “Poor Trixie hasn’t had a walk all day and I don’t have time!” he will usually step in.

Worth a go? Doesn’t always work. I’ve reached “for fucks sake” point regularly but less frequently now I have my declarative language.

He also can’t do conversational turn taking, either.

Yes!!!! 😆 that’s exactly how it is!! “Well no Alan, that’s not quite right”!

I wouldn't say autistic - there's an antagonistic quality there. Some people are just controlling and abrasive, as in:

"It's a nice day."
"Well, it's not as nice as yesterday!"

They will do it with everything and everyone. They need to dominate every interaction. You're fine with the grey rock - they will never change. You don't have to like them, you just have to get on with them at work.

People like that piss me off. My own Dh can be like it too. Self righteous and always have to ‘ put you right’
I tend to ignore him, but harder at work.
My sympathies op.

This and agree with the smugness and self righteousness as well. Do they think they are superior to you?
I wouldn’t bother with the pandering to them, just grey rock and very basic factual conversation about work.
X is required, I am undertaking Y… No personal conversation, no chit chat

Maybe they are someone self-righteous just trying to be antagonistic, but please do consider that they may simply be autistic OP.

Language and social situations can be a minefield for those with autism and they can push people away without wanting to because of misunderstanding social convention.

They just sound unduly literal. Don’t use metaphorical language or exaggerations around them. My autistic godson was very unnerved by figurative language in childhood, which meant that I learned to stop using it around him.

Or just tell your colleague to stop.

This is Oppositional behaviour
Negative and deliberately trying to provoke/ disagree

Stop talking about the weather/ making tea/ small talk or saying anything that they can give their opinion on

If they start just briefly shut it down
" I wasnt looking for your opinion"

People like this are very tedious and always the victim of life

I worked with someone like this. Everything was "well no its not because....." i even tested it a few times, so e.g. with your sunny example, the next time id say "its only glimmers of sun today isnt it" and she'd say no, its very sunny 🙄

Most of us just stopped talking to her and I think we all sighed with relief the day she resigned 😂