In mourning for the things I'll never do

[ToadRage]

Does anybody else feel like this? We recently went from two full time wages to one part time plus benefits, we are on a tight budget. With the lack of money and my disability progression all the active/adventure holidays (camel rides, remote landscapes) i might have liked to do are looking increasingly unlikely. All the places I wanted to go, things I wanted to do feel like they are never going to happen it nlmakes me sad.

This is what credit cards are for.

What is your disability if you dont mind sharing? With the obvious exception of something youre exhausted with there may be something you can do which you havent thought of as a career, even if its for a lower income than before?
Why has your DP had to go part time - presuming he can leave you some of the time is there potential of flexible working being possible so he can come to help you midway through the day then return to do more hours?

Ey? That's good advice to wrack up a load of debt.

Sounds like youre readjusting financially still op and once you've figured it out im sure you'll be able to save for certain things you want to do

I’m sorry OP, that’s really tough, and your change in situation will take some time to process.

Without meaning to sound glib or condescending, could you perhaps try a reframe to the things you now can do, if you had more time from not working? Perhaps more time for hobbies, or to sit outside in the garden if it ever stops raining, trips to the library or shopping calmly during the week rather than in the hectic weekend, time to cook from scratch, more time to see family and friends? Just small things, little pleasures that won’t make up for the lost trips and income but might make a day feel a bit brighter?

I hope that hasn’t come across badly. I try to reframe things if I can if I’m in a bit of a downward spiral, doesn’t always work however.

No! Adding debt to your worries will not help.
I hope you will be able to have some adventures- perhaps not camel riding but something fun.

Op, do you like reading?

If you do - read The Midnight Library by Matt Haig (fiction).

It sounds like such a random suggestion but please read it. It's a beautiful bpook, really positive and life affirming and it popped straight into my head when I read your post.

I read it by chance a few months ago and coincidentally at a time when I was feeling 'meh' about some things and a bit lost/down. It changed my entire mood and perspective in a way no other book ever has.

Not the same, but I had to give up my very well paid career because there’s no wraparound/holiday care available for my disabled child (plus he only sleeps 3 hours a night so I wasn’t performing too well 😏) and now work in a low wage, low pressure job so the lifestyle we had had changed a lot. I just try not to think about what could have been to be honest.

Hats off to you! I stupidly took a promotion a few months ago for the ££ but same situation as you with dc and its hard

Definitely the best way for your mental health and wellbeing. Set yourself a challenge, learn a new language, do something amazing for charity, try new things that you may never have previously considered, set up a support group, learn a new skill that may result in some extra spending money, set up an Only Fans page (joking), make something beautiful that you can treasure.

What a mad idea. Adding the worry of mounting credit card debt without the means to pay it off is a recipe for total disaster.

I hear you OP. I’m there too. I’m more sad about the things I can no longer do - run, dance - than things that were probably only pipe-dreams (climbing Machu Pichu)
I try to focus on the things I can still do - walk, swim, see - and be thankful for those. I did ride a camel, though… bloody uncomfortable and you’re not missing anything there! Hugs X

I'm sorry for hear of your disability OP. Sometimes life throws us curve balls and things don't work out the way we always assume they will.

Things I'll never do- Have my own children and all the things that come with having children- the love, cuddles, birthdays, school, uni, marriage, grand children and I could go on. DH and I TTC 12yrs, no fertility issues ever found, we lost 3 pregnancies and had multiple rounds of IVF.

I have a very happy life, its just different to the life I'd always assumed I'd have.

I have Muscular Dystrophy. It's not so much the money as my husband is a spreadsheet geek and budgets for everything. It's more my mobility or lack of. I can walk but not any kind of distance, I have a stick or walker but it won't be very long before I have start using a wheelchair even part time. My husband works afternoons four days a week, he can't do anymore or he loses his carers allowance and to make that up in wages he'd have you do 40+ hours a week. I need him in the morning cos most of my appointments are in the morning and I can't drive. I was never the kind of person who was happy to spend 2 weeks sat on beach, I like to go out, do things and see things and he's the same. I have things going on, I'm studying with the OU and I have hobbies (choir and cross-stitch) I just feel like the kind of holidays i wanted require me to be more mobile than I am or will ever be now.

There are many charities that offer experiences for people with disabilities, and with subsidies possibly free. Definitely worth exploring this going forward plus do ensure you are getting all benefits you qualify for and look for extras as available, you deserve it! I’ve volunteered with a sailing charity that supports people with disabilities including those in wheelchairs, not sure how much they pay but volunteers just contribute food costs

It may take more planning - and expense - but I wouldn't completely give up on adventurous holidays, OP. If there is something you've always wanted to do (like the camel experience you mentioned), then save for it and do it.

https://newmobility.com/morocco-accessible-travel/

I’m getting old, I have just changed my expectations. We used to fly on holidays all over the world, I can no longer fly, so we cruise. There are many wheelchair users on cruises and excursions adapted. Don’t look at what you can’t do but what you can.

What's the worst that can happen?

CcJ, bankruptcy? None of which are life - ending.

I say live whilst you can

https://www.adventurewheels.co.uk/
This woman, Karla Baker writes a lot about her travels as a wheelchair user in an adapted Caravan .
(She contributes regularly to the Caravan and Motorhome club magazine). Really inspiring!
So sorry to hear about your illness OP but maybe all is not lost with regard to travelling, if some funds allow for a caravan .