For context DH & me have been together since I was 17 - married for more than 40 years. We have 3 grown up children & 7 GC. He's 72 & retired, I'm 63 & work 3 days a week.
On 20/11/25 DH went into hospital for an op on his left hand-Dupretin's Contracture surgery which involved amputation of his left little finger & straightening his middle fingers. While in hospital he had a stroke & then developed sepsis in the hand that had been operated on. He now has very little use of his left hand & is, frankly, in agony with the pain from the op. He's seen his GP who's prescribed Gabapentin, Codeine, Naxprophen & sleeping tablets.
DH was the main housekeeper & cook. But as he can no longer manage zips & buttons, & his balance has been affected, he needs me to help dress him, help in in & out of bed, I have to do all cooking & housework I even have to help him in the loo as he can't reach to wipe his bum without falling off the loo. Then I have to help him pull up his trousers. I've bought him some elasticated waisted trousers, but he can't manage to pull them up with only one good hand & then over balances when he tries. I've said that once it gets to 20/5/26 I will be able to claim Attendance Allowance for him as he needs to have been this disabled for at least 6 months & 20/5/26 will be the 6 month anniversary of his initial op. I'm thinking that I will then reduce my working hours so that I can claim Carer's Allowance.
In the meantime I feel rather stuck. He can't drive anymore even our automatic car as his left hand is useless & it's not safe for him to drive one handed. So I have to drive him to & from appointments, drive to get his meds etc. We live in a rural area & it's a PITA to drive into the city, find parking, pay for parking etc (in the city centre you even have to pay for disabled bays). I spent all of yesterday driving him to the doctors, driving him home, waited for a bit, then back into the city to have to wait for an hour at Boots for his prescription because it being Gabapentin (which apparently is an opiate) needed to be authorised by a second pharmacist who was at lunch. In the meantime I'm worried that he's going to need the loo & I won't be there to help him get dressed afterwards, or maybe he might have fallen & hurt himself - which did happen. So then I had to drive back into the city to wait at A&E to get his head injury checked out.
Oh I forgot to mention that I have a serious spinal injury & arthritis so I use crutches around the house & usually a wheelchair when outdoors.
But the worst thing is that I don't dare cuddle him. In bed I shy away from him keeping firmly to my part of the bed as I'm afraid that I will touch his left hand & hurt him. Even though we're an older couple, we used to regularly 'express our love in a physical way', but no longer & I miss the intimacy.