Ths last few weeks work has massively got to me, i have had a few deaths around me since christmas. I have kept going for my children. I work in a nursing home and palliative care home.Doing medications and care plans. We have had so many managers. The workload , it is getting bigger and bigger. I don't get a break most days. I work eight hours which i know is part time days a week. The demand is making me ill. Constant text demanding mandatory training at a few days notice, or meetings at ridiculous times when I have children. I ve had to cancel a blood test recently that had been booked for ages because they decided I must attend a training corse with 2 two days notice.
i Had a rubbish relationship lasting four and a half years. Took some time , but got away and had therapy and worked on myself. I joined the gym and focused on my work and kids. Last year gave somebody a chance. We Had a five month connection that involved weekends away and lots of dates. He began staying over a couple of nights a week. He had just bought me christmas presents and we had just started plans to go away again. He was maintaining a relationship with his ex's child. This child was a toddler and the relationship with the mum hadn't lasted very long. Their relationship was volatile full of arguments. He offloaded about this. Yet she still had so much control over him , so he could see her child. She clearly wanted him back towards december. We had just been to a work function together , and he had introduced me to be a a lot of people as his girlfriend. I don't know what happened really , but he was reluctant to mention we were dating to her. I gave him another month to tell her.Because it was limiting us, decided it was blackmail and started to back off. We spent a week struggling to make a decision. He then told me he realised he hadn't healed and wanted to be alone for now.And focus solely on his ex's child and himself. He swore he was never going to get back with her.And maybe one day we could sort it out. Explained how he didn't want to lose me or her child , but described her as being very manipulative spiteful. She found out a few days after we split and contacted me. She\nHad seen somebody from the work event. She admitted that she was worked out three weeks in that we were involved. She admitted that was why she started writing flirtatious, unsupportive comments on his Facebook page again. She only had access to his business page. I asked him so many times to ask Her to stop doing that.And he told me just to not react. Basically, 20 4:00 after we had split up, they got back together. No amount of evidence I showed her of him tearing her to shreds, change her mind, she happily, put it all over Facebook again and boasted how they were meant to be together. No guilt from him. Just a message to say I used you and you were just a rebound to get over here. I never replied, because at that point he didn't deserve my energy. A few weeks later, I have threw away all of his life stuff that he left at my house, which was only really toiletries . Anyway, and after shaves.
A couple of weeks after he went back to her and humiliated me all over facebook , my uncle passed away from cancer. Followed buy 2 other relatives and this month.My best friend from schools mum has passed away too. I am very heartbroken and the circumstances around her death or distressing and very uneasy to deal with. The only beautiful thing that has come out of it is that my friend has moved back for now and we've caught up after years of being in a different area and not really speaking due to our life paths being very different. I have absolutely loved catching up with her. I'm remembering the good times she's actually mentioned some nice stuff. We can do together. Her job is very interesting compared to mine works in an industry where she is around films and entertainment and more successful people? She's done a lot of work for charities and she's done a lot of exciting stuff like sports and adrenaline based activities. I became a mum and stayed local as we were messaging backwards and forwards today.
She made a comment that I ve taken to heart. She was saying to me how all of her friends are good at saying it how it is and are honest, and that's a good thing, and she likes it.Her next line was i see you as a bit of a people Pleaser . And at the detriment of your own happiness at times. She went on to say it wasn't a bad thing, but it was a flaw in the people that took it for granted. She felt there was a lot of people. Take him from me and not giving me anything back and she said she gets that vibe out of certain things that I Ve said.\n I then Looked up, people pleasers. I felt quite sad at what I was reading because some of it said , we are manipulative and we don't even have a real personality. Also quite sad the I come across week to her, because it's confirming with everything else.That I just don't seem to be succeed in any part of my life. I would not say I m a shrinking violet. I get grumpy and I don't do things if I don't want to do them.I can be quite stubborn.I do try and make people feel better and I do have a lot of empathy which is why take care of the sick and dying.
But my brain is just overloaded and I m starting to think I m worthless , and I can't impress anybody with anything I do I m just starting to feel like I must look a mess to everybody that meets me and useless and over sensitive , I don't know what to think or should I just dismiss her comment has anybody got any advice on how I can start to make myself feel less rubbish?Because I can feel myself getting more and more down every\nDay, this was a long read, so thank you if got to the end