I had a thread in 2022 in which I received support re my Mother's health/death.
I don't know how to link to it sorry (but it's still here as I re-read it just now)
The gist was that I was low contact with my Mother due to her behaviour (esp around my CSA) I'd realised she was very ill, but family wouldn't communicate.
Update is that after she died my brother /sil arranged a cremation (via a national firm at 'any time over a 2 day period') They knew that I & my kids travelled 300m specially for the 'Funeral' weekend (staying with friends). I then discovered it was an unattended cremation in the midlands (200m away). Family held 'a Chinese meal (takeaway?) to remember Mum'. We were not told or invited. When I asked why I was told 'it was for Faaaamly & you didn't get on with Mum'.
Her ashes remain in a box. My SIL & her kids had some jewellery made (lots of posts on SM). So, I asked for some. A: 'how much'? I was eventually sent about a tablespoon worth. It was sent to my old address, who 'returned to sender'. SIL eventually agreed to send it back to the correct address but complained about postage. It was then stuck in a post office for a while (PO strike). Comedic (not)
I took it to a lovely vicar I know. I explained Mum had been born Catholic but lost her faith and we'd had a difficult relationship. But, at the end, her own family had treated her badly (I later found out she'd missed important hospital appts as brother 'too busy to drop her off' etc & she died in a real mess, on the floor)
Vicar blessed the remains and together we scattered them in a flower garden.
The 'little bit put aside for the kids, your brother will sort' was eventually sent 12m later (and the first cheque bounced). About £300 for each, (diff amounts).
Her husband / my 'Dad' still lives in their house. He is getting very frail. We email & phone. He knows that my teenage son went into heart failure & is still not well. He knows I now have angina. He doesn't say much but sends a card at Xmas & birthdays with £20 and a note to say: 'must be hard. keep going. love Dad'. Not much, but Kind in it's intention. (I've had no word from my brother since 2022).
I thought to update this today because a dear friend of mine, who in some ways has been a 'mother' to me for the last 35 years, is now in real trouble with her cancer (back again) She & I email, phone, visit & send small gifts. She was at my wedding & the first (non NHS) person to hold either of my children.
I only found out yesterday. I realise I'm going to lose my nearest to a 'mother' The one who cared. I hope to see see her later this week, possibly the last time.