Chronic illness and demanding job

[Cleanthatup]

Hi, I am taking on a very demanding role as a the director of sales. Great move up the ladder in an industry I’ve been in for over 20 years and well deserved recognition. However.. I am struggling on so many levels I really need perspective on this.

So if you have or know someone with chronic illness any advice or support to help me believe in myself and get me ready for this would be so appreciated. It’s a high stress role, with a long 3 hour commute daily. I have to drive as public transport is very limited, traffic is a nightmare and I will be leaving the house at 7am and getting home at 7pm.

It’s really the commute and the long hours that’s worrying me because of my illness, I have osteoarthritis in the knees and hips, acute back pain and my mobility isn’t great. With being out of the house so much I worry that I won’t be well enough rested, I’ll not be able to help as much in the house, have zero time for my daughter and basically I’ll feel like crap.

Best bits are, this is my dream job, the pay increase is fantastic, I’ll have weekends off and I know I can still progress further. Talk me down from scrapping the whole thing just because of nerves and overthinking.

I would agree with @HundredMilesAnHour

I’m only doing this as I’m a single parent - if I was married, I absolutely would not be putting myself through this

I agree you need to negotiate more WFH, at least 2 days

I’m about to leave an exco -1 level job in financial services because I just can’t cope with it having an autoimmune condition, arthritis and a heart condition. I’m gutted but my health comes first.

I'm really sorry OP but as someone who used to be aiming at a director level position I have had to set my sights much lower since developing a chronic illness. I've managed to maintain a fairly senior level job only because I can WFH 4 days a week and my office is 20 minute walk away. Pre covid when I was expecting in the office 3-4 days a week i was extremely close to quitting and that was without a commute

Is there any chance at all you can negotiate 2 office days a week and 3 WFH? Or could you rent a room near the office a couple of nights a week so you don't have the full commute every day?

Congratulations! This sounds like an achievement, even if you decide not to go ahead.

How do the hours and commute compare with what you do now? Do you have a DH/DP and what are his hours like? How old is your DD? And how will that amount of driving affect your conditions?

I know a few people who work those hours and have that commute. I’ll be honest, I don’t know anyone who does it 5 days per week - it’s the commute that’s a killer, especially if you’re driving, rather than the job. It also depends on what you need to do once you’re home - are you getting in to a meal on the table/portion set aside to warm up and no need to do anything apart from perhaps some quality time with your daughter, or do you need to start cooking/laundry/listen to your DD read/do bedtime as DH is at work/the gym?

The people I know who work 5 days out of the house are all quite pragmatic and have cleaners, shopping delivered, kids in wraparound, a DH/DW with a more local/flexible role, and keep weekends free for family time.

I would really think through the mechanics of your day/week and what changes will need to be made. I think the commute, driving, sounds dreadful and you’d need at least one day WFH. But only you know whether it’s worth it.

I guess my main question is how much "more" is this in terms of what you do already? What is your current commute? How many days do you currently WFH?

You also mention your child - How old is your DD and will she need to spend more time in childcare?

If it isn't too much more than what you do currently then give it a go. If you are moving from a full time WFH / low stress role to a long daily commute/ high stress role then I'd have a serious rethink. If it's similar to what you do currently then yoy know what to expect.

I don't want to add to any negativity but a 3 hour daily commute sounds horrendous without any health issues.