Chronic illness and demanding job

[Cleanthatup]

Hi, I am taking on a very demanding role as a the director of sales. Great move up the ladder in an industry I’ve been in for over 20 years and well deserved recognition. However.. I am struggling on so many levels I really need perspective on this.

So if you have or know someone with chronic illness any advice or support to help me believe in myself and get me ready for this would be so appreciated. It’s a high stress role, with a long 3 hour commute daily. I have to drive as public transport is very limited, traffic is a nightmare and I will be leaving the house at 7am and getting home at 7pm.

It’s really the commute and the long hours that’s worrying me because of my illness, I have osteoarthritis in the knees and hips, acute back pain and my mobility isn’t great. With being out of the house so much I worry that I won’t be well enough rested, I’ll not be able to help as much in the house, have zero time for my daughter and basically I’ll feel like crap.

Best bits are, this is my dream job, the pay increase is fantastic, I’ll have weekends off and I know I can still progress further. Talk me down from scrapping the whole thing just because of nerves and overthinking.

I am sorry but you can't do this role. Director level is so demanding and you just are not well enough - I appreciate the effort you have put in to get here but don't think it is going to work for you. I say this from experience not judgement. All the best OP.

Is the increase in money worth being out of the house for 12 hours

OP, that sounds like a huge commitment as a n employee and as a parent.

I have a disability and was always determined that it would not stop me doing anything professionally. Last year I realised that it would.

I was so angry. I cried and I was furious with the hand I have been dealt. I could achieve so much of I was well. It's not bloody fair.

I'm still angry but am moving towards acceptance. My situation is not yours and yours may well work out fine. I'm offering my experience.

I wish you all the best.

I’m not sure I’d be doing this, as a mother. And I don’t have an illness. It’s a very long commute. You just have to ask yourself if being gone all day is really worth it.

Is it possible to move closer? Or partially WFH?

I’ve got MS and work 12.5 hour shifts as a nurse. It’s hard work but I love my job and it gives me the incentive to push through. Although mine is rarely painful so it’s a bit different. And I don’t have a long commute.

You’ll manage OP. I can’t believe how negative some people are being! You know yourself and you clearly felt you could take it on. Go and smash it! If you start yo struggle, is there a chance you could work from home a couple of days a week as a reasonable adjustment? I also have a senior level job and that’s how I manage it, as well as having open honest conversations with my manager. Good luck and congratulations on your dream job!

I have no idea why anyone would want to to do this.

I Used to work in quite an intense industry - would be put the house 12 - 13 hours a day with a 3 hour commute too.

I got so burned out and exhausted I crashed my car.

This incident aside, I was permanently exhausted and had little time for anything or anyone else. I didn’t have a child at the time which made this easier but now that I do have a child I’d never consider going back to that lifestyle personally.

I don’t want to be negative as it sounds like a wonderful opportunity, but you really need to be realistic and consider what impact the commute and the role will have on you and your family

Why would anyone do this?

You don’t honestly sound well enough to take the job.

Firstly you need to talk with the employer (line manager / HR) to discuss any reasonable adjustments they might be able to make. For example they might be willing for you to work from home on a Wednesday which would give you a break from travelling mid-week.

Would I entertain a commute like that without a disability? No.

Would I entertain a commute like that with a disability? No.

The extra money and status is meaningless if you end up too ill to enjoy it and the impact could last a long time. Prioritise your health…always.

Oh wow I wasn’t expecting so much negativity at all!

Maybe I’ll need to rethink this. I can do 1 possibly 2 days at home. It will depend on what’s on that week.

I honestly thought that this kind of commitment at director level was normal? Surly lots of people are out of the house 12 hrs a day when working?

Yes, some people do have jobs which entail being out of the house 12 hours a day including their commute and if they are in good health and have few commitments outside work they can find ways of managing this. However, 12 hour days on top of a disability which causes you pain and which could worsen your symptoms needs to be considered. The employer does have a responsibility to help you manage your workload but the commute is your choice to make. By all means, give it a go if you have nothing to lose by taking the job but go in with your eyes open and get any adjustments they may be willing to make agreed from the beginning so you can give the job your best shot!

With yours rarely being painful and without a 3 hour commute, it’s nothing like OPs situation then. 😬

OP, I think that as you seem to really want this, you’re just going to have to try it and see if you can cope. Can some of the pay increase pay to outsource cleaning, ironing etc if you don’t already pay for someone to do that as that will ease the load at home. I hope it works out for you.

I personally wouldn't do this even without a disability. I think some people do do these hours in director roles, but from everyone I've seen they have a stay at home partner to manage everything at home and isn't possible without that, unless you outsource literally everything. Or they do a director role but less intensely only 2 days a week in the office, or part time, and time blocks for picking up kids from nursery etc. Depends on the company, the industry and the individual. For me these hours with the daily commute would make me so exhausted I wouldn't be a present parent at the weekend, so I wonder if you can negotiate some compromise if you really want to go for this, especially in light of your disability. But then I don't know your current situation or job, and how different this would be for you.

It depends how it affects you I guess. I have arthritis in hips, knees and shoulders. I can cope with it in my desk job. But I couldn’t do a senior level job or commute that far due to my fibromyalgia which makes me exhausted. If you’re not on strong drugs for it and you’re coping it’s fine. Only you know if you’re covering the bases in the job.

Sorry but your not well enough to do a director level role. It would be suicide.

I have chronic health conditions and honestly I just wouldn’t be able to do a job like this but you know yourself best…. Im not sure anyone can answer it for you. What would happen if after a month it proves too much?

Have you looked into physical therapy to help with your chronic health conditions? I would seek advice from a physiotherapist and make physical recovery your number one priority, so you’re healthy enough to achieve your work goals. I believe there is substantial evidence that exercise, particularly strength work and mobility work can help with your chronic health conditions.

How old is your daughter? Does her dad live with you?

I would not take this job. Other directors who don’t have a chronic illness may be out of the house for 12 hours but not many would have a 3 hour commute.

Do you honestly think you will be able to give good reliable service?

Perhaps you can come to an agreement to predominantly work from home then attend office for any meetings or have flexibility to work from
home if symptoms worse.

i guess at the end of the day unless you try you won’t know if you can manage it.

you do have to think though much of your non work time will
be spent recovering and how do you plan to be there for your daughter?

I’m just about to start a Director-level role. I have, amongst other things, psoriatic arthritis, and a queried diagnosis of fibromyalgia. I have no issues with working long hours but I think I’d find the commute the most exhausting part. I only have to be in the office 2 days a week and I know from my previous role that consistently doing more days than that leaves me pretty wiped out. Is there scope for increasing the number of days WFH? I also couldn’t cope with leaving the house that early - I don’t leave until 8.30 even if it means that I sometimes don’t get into the office until a bit later.

Is it possible to move closer to your new role? If you were 5 mins walking distance the long hours would be easier, you’d get the commute time back to spend with your family. I’ve commuted before in a role but only max 2 days per week.

I work FT in a v demanding job with travel and a chronic illness but the only reason I am doing it is because I am counting down the days till I retire. I’m 52 and reckon I can only manage this for a few more years and that’s it - so I tell myself I could do an easier job for longer or this job for shorter.

How old are you and could you frame it the same way? Because believe me you’re going to have plenty of days when you wonder why you’re doing it and whether you can continue and you will need the motivation!

I’m a Director in a high pressure and demanding role (in a notoriously demanding industry) and have to somehow balance that with a chronic illness (that is classed as a disability) that I developed 5 years ago. It’s incredibly hard. Almost every day is a struggle and I spend a lot of energy masking how hard it really is for me. I’m perpetually on the point of packing it in, and knowing what I know now I wouldn’t have chosen a role like this (but when I started the role I was in excellent health with no chronic illness).

I live near to my office (within 25 mins walk) and can work up to 2-3 days/week from home. I don’t have children. In your situation I would most definitively NOT take on a 3 hour commute on top of a longish and high pressure working day in a new role. Especially not with a daughter at home (unless she was an adult).

Whilst I admire your ambition and determination, one of the hardest - and most important - lessons I’ve had to learn since developing this damn disability is that I’m a different person now and I cannot work how I used to or it renders me useless and incapable of doing anything (work or otherwise). I hate being like this and I hate having to make such huge compromises in my life. But this is who I am now and I am working hard to accept it.

I wish I could say go for it but from my own experience, I think you’re kidding yourself if you think this is really feasible. Unfortunately determination and utter strength of mind are not enough to override the physical limitations of a chronic illness. You only end up fighting yourself and then hating yourself. I wish it were different. But it isn’t. You have to accept your disability and do your best to work with it rather than against it or you will fail. And that only makes life so much harder.