Appropiate behaviour after a bereavement

[BBCK]

A close friend of mine died very recently. We live a little way away but would like to visit the family to pay our respects. Is this appropriate or intrusive?
I spend most of my time in a culture where it is normal and expected to immediately visit the family after a death but I haven’t had much experience of death in a traditional British family and when I said I wanted to visit some people seem surprised and a bit horrified. I don’t want to offend anyone.

It depends how far away you live but I would probably take some flowers, ring the doorbell and offer my condolences without any expectation that the family invite me in.

When I lost my parents a lot of people from their church popped round ~ I used to invite them in for a cup of tea but it did get very tiring, having to entertain them for 30 minutes or so, even though they were very kind and thoughtful

I'm really sorry for your loss💐

If you're close enough to the family to visit, you should really ask them.

It's such a massively individual thing that not a single person here will be able to help you I'm afraid.

Some people fall apart after a death and don't want visitors for many reasons.

Others may cope better and welcome them.

But only the family will know.

I would send a card, offering your condolences.
Add a note that you would like to visit, but respect their privacy at this sad time.
Add that if they need anything, practical or emotional support, to reach out. Let them know you are there, but don’t push it. When I lost my dad, the grief was overwhelming, and I had to support my mother, his wife for 65 years. It was enough to know we were in others thoughts and prayers, dealing with them in the first few weeks was too much, although we knew it came from a good place.

Aside from people I am extremely close too, I wouldn't want anyone turning up to visit if I was bereaved. I'd expect a text/ call first

I wouldn’t just turn up. I would message and ask if was ok, but friends have hinted that this is inappropriate.

Just message - then the ball is in their court. Do you know the family very well? If so keeping in touch would be nice.

Can you phone them and see how they are? You can suggest a visit if it seems apt from.the conversation.

Awww, you sound lovely @BBCK 😘

I would be happy for you to visit me! 😄

Seriously though, as has been said, send them a card, and say you are thinking of them, and pop your mobile phone number in the card, and say 'I'd love to come and see you soon, just send me a text when you're feeling up to an hour of company.' (Keep the visit short so they don't feel overwhelmed.)