Overwhelming loneliness as SAHM

[IB32]

So just this really. 3 young kids, SAHM, DH works long unpredictable shifts, no family close by and living in a new area with no toddler groups.

Ive been through covid with kids, newborns with very little help and yet I find myself overwhelmingly lonely now. My older two are at nursery and my youngest is at home with me. I don’t work as financially it doesn’t make much sense with 3 little kids right now and ultimately I love staying home with them, but my god, the loneliness. It’s awful. I find myself wishing I had a larger family who would visit. Both sets of grandparents live very far away and don’t visit often.

Im not sure what I’m looking for. I consider myself a strong person but i’m feeling very alone right now. There isn’t a large community of SAHMs in our area. We’ve done it all to try and meet people. Sometimes the most adult conversation I have is 2/3 mins at the nursery pick up with other parents.

Im hoping to go back to work when my youngest goes to nursery later in the year. So hopefully that will help a bit. Please tell me i’m not alone in feeling like this.

We do have the potential to move nearer family abroad in a few years which is sounding very appealing right now. It means leaving the grandparents in this country but I don’t see them often….yet I feel the guilt leaving them.

There must be some baby groups near by? Unless you live in the middle of nowhere I can’t believe there’s no clubs or mum meets ups.

Even working one day a week would help with these feelings.

There isn’t much anyone can say except to validate how you feel - you’re not wrong - it can be horribly lonely and isolating at times. You do recognize it will change but that doesn’t help immediately.

I focussed on small projects for myself in these years, I too was home alone all day and had moved from family/network. Small pleasures, lots of breaks, and thinking about how it would change again at some point. I went back to work which gave me back a lot of purpose, so you can go back to your old life in some ways.

This too shall pass OP. 💐

There's no church playgroups? No hartbeeps???

Honestly I'd want to move.
It must be miserable

There is an organisation Mothers At Home Matter and they have groups in various areas. Have you looked at this? Hope you find some friendship groups soon ....

Can you put the youngest with a childminder for at least 1/2 a day a week and volunteer somewhere. Even if it's a local Church coffee group for the elderly or the food bank at least you'd get some conversation and an outside interest.

I hated being on maternity leave and went back to work when mine was 9 weeks old - I found it soul destroying to not see anyone or use my brain (we were abroad and everyone I knew worked).

Thank you. This is a really lovely post and comforting to know it does indeed get less lonely.

Thank you! I have not heard of this - i’ll look into it!

Yes this is a fab idea. There is a local playgroup where I could drop my youngest daughter for a couple of hours a week when she reaches the age they require. The volunteering idea is a good one ❤️

OP could you start a local.group yourself? Maybe meet in the library or a cafe? There might be dozens of mums in your area wanting someone to chat to!

Def this. I am in the most rural county in Wales but there are groups here. Id be very suprised if there was non by you. If there isn't though, there will be a desperate need for one!